Looking for Trouble(72)
“Um…because you’re fucking gorgeous and probably the sweetest man in the world?” Dylan tried to lighten the mood.
“I could say the same thing about you,” Clay replied.
They sighed, then sat on the bed together. “I think…” Clay began, “I think we’ve both been dealing with a lot of personal demons for a long time. They’re not just going to go away because we fell in love with each other. I think we both have more work to do, not just together, but for ourselves.”
Dylan nodded. Clay was right. He knew it to the marrow of his bones. “I…I need to figure out how to feel better about myself…outside of looks and sex. In here.” Dylan touched his own chest. “And I need to do some things on my own, I think. Hold down my job, be responsible for my bills. I know you mean well, but when you don’t want me to chip in, it makes me feel like you think I can’t…or that you need to take care of me. I love having you care for me in some ways, but I need to know I can stand on my own.”
Clay’s head whipped around to look at him, and the pain Dylan saw in his eyes nearly stole his breath. “I never meant to make you feel that way.”
“I know you didn’t, and it’s probably just my issues that I do.” But Dylan needed to work through them…and he needed to do that part of it on his own.
“I need to figure out how to grieve the loss of my home, the one I shared with Gordon. I need to do a better job of letting Gordon go…of moving forward, and not stressing the small stuff…like the fact that I’m old enough to be your dad.”
Dylan chuckled. “See? You already realize it’s a small thing. You’re making progress!”
Clay nodded. They were both quiet for a moment as they looked at each other. “What does that mean for us?” Clay asked.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Then…then I guess we date. I’ll look for an apartment and just…see what I can do on my own. Learn how to be proud of myself. But I’m still yours and you’re still mine. You can pick me up and take me out on fancy dates,” Dylan teased.
“I don’t know about fancy,” Clay countered. “But I’d like that…to take you out. Though Dakota is sure going to miss her Daddy Dylan, so she might want to sleep over at your house sometimes, if that’s okay with you.”
Dylan smiled, his heart swelling. “I’d like that. Daddy Dylan will miss his girl too.” It was their way of confirming they were committed. They were in this together. “What’s going to happen with the house?” Dylan asked.
“We rebuild,” Clay replied. “We make it our own. And then, when all is said and done, if you realize this is something you still want, we have two choices: we sell it and find somewhere new for us, or we get your name on the paperwork. It won’t be my home, or the home I shared with Gordon. It’ll be ours.”
And…he was crying. Crying and so fucking happy and in love. “I don’t want to sell. Can we have input on the design? Like, can we do what we want with it?”
“Yep,” Clay replied. “We sure can.”
Dylan smiled at him. His body trembled, and he needed to be touched by Clay. He climbed into his lap, wrapped his legs around Clay’s waist and his arms around Clay’s shoulders.
Clay returned the embrace, dropped his forehead again Dylan’s. “You still smell like citrus, even though we just lived through a fire. How is that possible?”
“I guess I’m special.”
“You are.”
“This is going to work out, right? We’re going to be okay?” Dylan asked. He needed them to be okay.
“We’re okay now, Trouble. We’re going to come out of this better. You and me.”
Dylan relaxed into his hold, pressed his lips to Clay’s, and kissed him with everything inside him. “I love you.”
Clay smiled against his mouth. “I love you too.”
EPILOGUE
Clay
One year later
“Daddy! Help me!”
Clay rolled his eyes at Gideon, who had his fishing pole in the pond. He was a brat and he knew it…and Clay sort of loved him for it. “What do you need help with?” he asked.
“Having fun?” Gideon replied. “Fishing is boring.”
“Will you leave my boyfriend alone!” Dylan countered with a laugh.
“Daddy?” Renée asked.
“Oh boy. You’re in trouble,” William added.
“He’s teasing. He’s a little shit, is what he is,” Clay replied.
Dylan had gotten much closer to Troy, Elijah, and Gideon over the past year, especially during the eight months he and Clay had lived apart. They were young and different from Clay, but they were a good group of guys, and Clay was glad Dylan had such good friends. Clay considered them friends as well. He actually had fun when the five of them went out now, because he allowed himself to. He still wasn’t into a night on the town as much as the rest of them. It just wasn’t him and never would be, but he enjoyed the times they did.
And sometimes…sometimes he even danced. How could he not, when it was Dylan he got to dance with?