Looking for Trouble(66)
“Oh…yeah. I knew Mike some. I’m sorry about your loss,” William said, but there was something different in his tone then, and Dylan didn’t know him well enough to know what it was.
He just knew it wasn’t good.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Clay
Clay was quiet while he and William walked around the pond. Dinner had become slightly stilted after Clay’s announcement that Dylan was Mike’s son. But then, it wasn’t as if it hadn’t been awkward before that. There was a lot of history between them, a lot of past that Clay had thrown away.
“I have to admit, as good as it is to be here, I’m still pissed…and hurt,” William said after a while. It was dark outside, the sound of crickets their companion as they stood between his shop and the pond, close to the floodlight.
“I know,” Clay replied, pushing his hands into his pockets. “And I’m sorry. In the beginning it just hurt too much to be around anyone, especially someone who held so many memories of Gordon and me together. Then, it was safer to stay away. If I didn’t let myself get close to someone, I didn’t get hurt. I know that’s not an excuse. I know it’s shitty, but it’s all I have.”
“You’re close to someone now,” William said.
Yeah, he was. He was in love with someone now. It had sneaked up on him, and he was glad. “It wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“Most things that matter aren’t.”
“I tried to keep my distance from him. Just wanted to help him out in the beginning, because he’s Mike’s son. Then I was trying to keep myself from wanting him because he’s Mike’s son; that, and again, I just couldn’t handle the idea of caring about someone only to lose them. Couldn’t help it, though.” He shrugged. “He just worked his way inside my heart, and before I knew it, I wasn’t so sad and lonely anymore. I was laughing, looking forward to seeing him, feeling alive.” Dylan had given him all those things and more.
“That’s good. You deserve it. It’s a little shocking. Scott said he was young, but…”
“He’s twenty-five. I know he looks a little younger.” But then, why did it matter? Dylan was an adult; they both were. That’s all that mattered.
“Eh. It is what it is. What matters is how you feel about him.”
Clay nodded. He wanted that to be true. “It’s complicated… When it’s just us, the age doesn’t bother me, but other times I just feel…old. A woman asked if he was my son. I went out with him and some friends last weekend. People were calling me Daddy, and I hated the music, and I have nothing in common with his friends.”
“So? You’re not in love with his friends or some random lady. You’re in love with him. And I figure he might have felt a little out of place tonight too. It’ll take some work, but if he means something to you, you’ll put in the effort.”
“He means everything to me,” Clay replied. “I just can’t help but feel like he deserves better, or that he’ll realize one day he’s with someone twenty years older than him and wonder what the fuck he’s doing. I’m scared to lose him, Will. Don’t know that I could make it through that. And I’m scared what I’m doing is wrong, that I have no business with Mike’s son.”
“No offense, but fuck Mike. He hurt you. He wasn’t a very good friend to you, and if Mike can see you, he should feel damn lucky his son has someone like you, someone who loves him. You love with your whole damn heart, Clay. You did it with Gordon, and now I see you doing it with that boy in there too. Who gives a fuck about the rest of it? Just be happy…just love him.”
Clay nodded. He wanted that; he wanted it so fucking badly, he ached with it. No matter what reservations he had, wanting Dylan wasn’t one of them. “Do I deserve a friend as good as you?” Clay asked.
“No, but you’re stuck with me now, thanks to Dylan. Not sure if you’re upset with him about it, but if you are, you shouldn’t be. He looks at you like you’re the goddamn king of his universe, like you hung the moon. He did it because he loves you, and he doesn’t give a shit that you were friends with his dad or that you’re old enough to be his.”
Clay laughed and shook his head. “Asshole.”
“Just speaking the truth.”
“I know you are.” The thing was, William said Dylan looked at him like he was the king of his universe, but Clay felt like Dylan was that to him. His sun when he’d spent years in the dark, and no matter how hard it was, he wasn’t walking away from that. He couldn’t.
William and Clay went back into the house. The four of them chatted for a little while before Dylan excused himself, saying he didn’t feel well.
“You okay, Trouble?” Clay pulled him aside.
“Yeah, I just have a headache. I’m going to lie down.”
Clay nodded, cupped his cheek, and kissed him. It was the first time their lips had touched since their fight the day before, and Christ, he’d missed the taste of him.
Dylan went to their room, and Clay continued his visit with his old friends. It was close to two hours later that he said goodbye to them, with promises to do it again. And he wanted that. He really did. Dylan had given that to him.