Like a Memory(18)

Nate Finlay

THERE. SHE KNEW. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Knowing she had fought and won against cancer since we’d last seen one another made me feel like an even bigger bastard for pretending not to remember her. She remained quiet about it. Not reminding me. Not trying to get me to remember her. Most girls would’ve been upset and dramatic, needing to draw attention.

Not Bliss. She said nothing at all. Did her job and smiled when I made her. The joy that had originally drawn me to her was still there as if it never left. Even after all she’d been through. I was the world’s biggest jackass. I intended to rectify that. If it was humanly possible I would.

“Who told you?” Finally, she spoke the words. She’d been staring at me for a while, as if she wasn’t sure what to say, or if she’d heard me correctly. There was sadness. She didn’t want me to know. But why? Perhaps I didn’t deserve to.

“Does that matter?”

She nodded. “Yes. It does.”

“Bliss, let’s go, we’re going to be late,” Eli called out to her. She didn’t look at him or speak. There was a flash of anger in her eyes and I realized she was mad at Eli.

“He didn’t tell me,” I replied, although I don’t know why. I kind of liked the idea of her being angry with him over something like that. He fit so perfectly into her life. Eli was able to be with her through every moment of the day if he chose to. I wasn’t. I hadn’t been given a Bliss. I’d chosen, instead, an Octavia.

“Then who?” she asked again, this time with obvious anger in her voice. It was sexy, she was never angry, or hell, never even ornery. She made “pissed off” look good.

“My grandfather. He thought I knew and mentioned it, while we were eating at his place.”

Her anger quickly faded. The sadness was back in an instant. She stood there for a moment bewildered. “Okay,” she whispered, turning to leave, but I couldn’t let her go. “Wait,” I called after Bliss. She knew the truth that I’d been a lying * and she hadn’t even mentioned it. I needed more. A slap in the face? She could yell at me if she chose to.

She paused and with an obvious sigh turned back to me to speak.

“I’m sorry,” was all I could say. I was, more so than I’d ever been for anything I’d ever done.

“For what?”

Did she actually have to ask me that? I would’ve thought the reason was obvious. I had a mountain of shit to be sorry for. “For letting you believe I didn’t remember you. I thought it was for the best. But it was wrong. A cruel thing to do.”

“Oh. I just thought I was forgettable.” She shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head. “That was a million years ago. We’ve both lived another life since then.”

She’d survived through a hell that changed her. Robbing Bliss of experiences she should have had, yet she didn’t complain in the least. “I’d like to know the woman you’ve become. We were friends once, before I kissed you. We could be friends again.”

As I said the words I realized I didn’t have that many real friends. The relationship she had with Eli was unique. That, I had with no one. Lila Kate and I could’ve had that. If our mothers hadn’t intended us to marry. We’d never gotten too close. Our mothers’ hopes would rise if we did.

Octavia wasn’t my friend. We didn’t talk about much. She talked about her store, parties to attend and the wedding, stuff like that. The way Bliss and I talked yesterday at my grandpops was a thing I wanted more of. That could be asking for trouble. A f*cking load of trouble, but I wanted it.

“I don’t think that’s possible Nate.” Her voice was soft as she said it and it waivered as if she didn’t want to say or believe her own words. Then she left me standing there. Watching her go.

Eli was waiting at his truck. The look on his face said it all. She may see him as a friend, but he saw her as more than that. I believed he always had. There was a possessiveness in his stance. The way he held her door and watched me. Waiting to see if I spoke.

I met his gaze and the warning was clear. He was staking his claim silently. Just for me. I understood it. That made more sense than what Bliss believed they were. A girl like that didn’t have a guy as “just a friend” not when you looked like Bliss. Any f*cking man would want more from her. She was the perfect package of beauty and innocence, nothing ugly about her; inside or out, and you could see it.

Other than Bliss I’d never seen that combination in a woman and trust me, I’ve looked. A lot. More than I should have. After my summer with her I measured every female by her standards. Until I convinced myself that what I was remembering was an illusion, because we’re all imperfect. I let it go and the line of beauties that followed had little more than unbelievable bodies. That was their selling point.

Octavia was a drama free selection. Easy, unchallenging and simple. She had been a relief. What I thought I was looking for. Until I came back here. Until I saw Bliss again. Then I remembered what perfect actually was. What I wouldn’t have. What I had once had.

Eli opened the door for her and I watched as she climbed inside. He spoke to Bliss, she only nodded, Eli quickly closing the door. Again, he looked at me. If Bliss were anyone else I’d take that as a challenge. I’d win. I always did. But this wasn’t a game I would play.