Life In Reverse(54)

“It’s nice how close you are to your mom,” Vance says with a hint of melancholy in his tone. He lays his hand on the small of my back to steer us around a group of branches. The light touch sends a prickle up my spine.

“It is. I look up to her. She’s… remarkable actually. How she’s always worked so hard and stayed so strong despite the circumstances. She definitely has her moments, but I feel like she’s the glue that holds everything together. I absolutely love my dad, but he was more laid back. My mom’s always been the one to ‘wear the pants’ so to speak.” I toss the rock into the water and it plunks down to the bottom.

“I miss her.” His voice goes quiet, eyes distant. “My mom that is.” He sighs. “I’d give anything to hear her nag me about eating healthier or remembering to take my shoes off when I get in the house. Stupid stuff, you know?”

“Yeah. I do.” Silence wedges its way into our conversation until I ask a question that’s been on my mind. “So… what will you do after summer’s over?” I know we have two months left, but a heavy lump settles in my throat as the words tumble out.

“I want to move closer to where my mom is. Remember I mentioned that my degree is in Computer Science and that getting a job in IT has taken much longer than I anticipated? Apparently my… expectations are too rigid so it’s been a lot tougher than I thought.”

“Troy always makes fun of me because I’m so anti-computer. I’m not even into the whole social media thing.”

“For me, I just love tinkering around so it was a hobby that turned into something more. Once I can get a job in the field I’ll be able to afford a place of my own. I was crap at saving money and that’s the only reason I’m still living with my dad.” He glances over at me with a shy smile, the first of its kind. “But I’m… you know… glad we came here.”

“Me too.” I smile back, then point to his ear. “So what’s with the earring? When did you get it?”

His hand goes to the small ring and he twirls it between his fingers. “It was about six years ago, after my mom first became ill. I used to have my tongue pierced too, but I took it out.” A flash of what that might have felt like in my mouth crosses my mind but I quickly clear it. His mouth curves into a slow grin and I wonder if he can read my mind. “Any piercings for you?”

“Just my ears. I was thirteen when I had them done and it was fairly traumatic. My mom took me and Avery to the mall. I screamed, and that was a small needle. There’s no way I would’ve been able to handle anything else.”

He laughs. “I guess it’s safe to say you don’t have any tattoos, then?”

“Correct. Avery has a small butterfly on her ankle and she tried to convince me to get one too. But that wasn’t going to happen.”

We reach the waterfall and lean against a wall of rock as the roar of rushing water surrounds us. Vance reclines his head back. “So what are your plans after the summer?”

“Avery and I are moving to New York City.” I regret the words the instant they leave my mouth. I’ve been dreaming about New York for as long as I can remember. Now, the thought of leaving creates this small ache deep in my chest. “We were going to take off right after graduation from Oregon State. But, it was a difficult time for our mom and we made the decision to wait. Anyway….” My thoughts trail off and suddenly I don’t want to talk about being anywhere but here.

Vance is quiet for a moment, almost contemplative as he stares out at the stream. “I guess that’s life, right. It moves on, whether we want it to or not.” Resigned apathy litters his statement and I can’t help but question it.

“What’s wrong?” I glance down at his hand as he flexes it open then closed. “Vance, what is it?” His cell phone rings but he doesn’t make a move to answer it. Until it rings again.

“Shit,” he mutters. Then a “Sorry” as he yanks the phone from his back pocket to answer the call. He holds the cell to his ear and his hand quivers. When he catches me staring, he switches hands and shoves that one into his pocket. “Hello. Yes it is.” He eyes his watch. “Yes I did. Sorry about that. Uh huh. Yes, I’ll give a call back to reschedule. Thanks.” Ending the call, he flips the phone in his hand repeatedly, a deep wrinkle creasing his forehead. His chest rises at a rapid pace, breathing heavy and labored.

“Vance?” Before I have a chance to say anything else, he takes his cell phone and lobs it into the air. It drops in the water quite a ways down the river and I glare at him. “Vance, what are you doing?”

He releases a single breath as if getting rid of his phone is the answer to whatever plagues him. “You know what, Ember. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore. I really don’t.” He belts out a maniacal laugh. “But that felt really f*cking good.”

I lift my hands in the air and peer out to the spot where he threw his phone. My head shakes as my gaze returns to his face. “You’re crazy.”

“I don’t know. That felt like the sanest thing I’ve done in a long time.” Mischief returns, brightening his eyes. “This feels pretty sane, too.” He walks underneath the waterfall, drops his head back and lets the water pour over his hair, his chest, his legs. If I thought he was magnificent dry, he looks even better wet. He is beautiful. But that’s not what draws me to him. Something deeper—a gentleness that hides beneath anger and hurt—a vulnerability that he masks. Maybe the tiny piece of broken inside of him that latches on to my broken piece. Because with him I feel normal again. His head falls and his eyes connect with mine, and he seems—lighter somehow. He crooks a finger at me. “C’mere, you.”