Life In Reverse(29)

My mother coughs then clears her throat, lifting her gaze to mine. “Would you mind getting me some water?”

“Sure.”

I leave for a minute and come back with a cup of water to a room filled with laughter. The kind where old friends share secrets of days gone by. It stops me again, because I can’t remember the last time I heard my mom laugh. I wish I could bottle that sound for later, when the silence is too much to bear.

Ember turns her head and our eyes meet. Hers are teeming with a hundred smiles and I only hope mine convey my absolute gratitude for what she’s doing for my mother.

When their laughter settles down, I sit on the bed next to Ember. “Would you like me to read you some poetry, Maggie?”

“Yes. That would be wonderful.”

For the next hour, I read from one of her favorite poetry books—a collection by E.E. Cummings. When my voice gets hoarse, Ember takes over and reads to Mom until she yawns and her eyelids become heavy. Ember glances over to me as she closes the book. I stand up and she follows suit. “We should probably go and let you get some rest now.”

“Yes, I am feeling very tired. I’d like to close my eyes for a bit.”

I lean down to kiss her cheek and Ember surprises me when she bends to give my mother a hug.

“It was great to see you, Maggie.” She straightens and my mother grabs her hand, embracing it between her own.

“Please come again soon, Clara.” She looks from Ember to me. “I’m sorry. What did you say your name was?”

I swallow down the hurt that threatens to surface. “It’s Vance.”

“So long, Vance.”

Every time I leave here, I’m numb. Hollow. Not today. Today, I got to see my mother experience joy. I got to hear her laugh. Ember did that.

As we reach the car, the air around me is suddenly too thick, making it impossible to breathe. I latch onto the door handle for support, fighting tooth and nail against the tear that ultimately tracks down my cheek. Before I realize what’s happening, slender arms surround my neck. My hands drop to my sides and I freeze.

“It’s okay,” Ember whispers, laying her head against my chest. A rush of breath leaves me and I give in, wrapping my arms around her waist. “I’m sorry, Vance,” she soothes, and all I can do is nod against her hair. She smells like peaches and feels like the comfort I desperately need right now. I allow myself a minute to get lost before I abruptly pull away.

“We should get going.”

Fumbling with her hands in front of her, she gives me a curt reply. “Yeah, sure.”

I wait for her to get in and start the car, then angle my entire body to face her. “Listen, what you did in there… thank you.”

A lock of hair falls over her shoulder as she turns toward me. “For what?”

“For being her memory.”

“It was nothing.” Her nonchalant answer infuriates me. She has no idea how much more than ‘nothing’ it really was.

“No,” I retort, determined. I refuse to let this go. I’m not sure I’ve felt this strongly about anything in a long time. “It was everything, Ember.” I hesitate for a minute and look away. I’m not used to talking about this so earnestly. “I haven’t seen her smile or heard her laugh like that in a very long time.” I turn back to Ember. “You did that.”

Her gaze meets mine, and all at once I’m naked to the intensity of her stare. I pull on my earring, desperate to find an escape. “She’s wonderful, Vance. And you look just like her. The hair color, the eyes. Even your smile. When you decide to smile.”

Self-consciousness causes me to rub at my chin. “Well, you definitely made me smile today.”

She revs the engine, cutting the wheel to the right and exiting the parking lot. “Maybe I’ll see if I can go two for two,” she replies, and her belly follows with a loud rumble. One hand on the wheel, she places the other on her stomach. “Wow, um, I guess I’m hungry.”

“Good. I know just how I can repay you then. There’s a diner only a few blocks from here.”

She pauses at a blinking yellow light and lets a car pass. “Ooooh. I love diner food. I hope they have those curled up fries.”

Something about the innocence in her phrasing coupled with her excitement makes me laugh. “You mean, curly fries?”

“Yes, those.”

I yank the wallet from my back pocket to check for my credit card. “Yup. They’ve got them.” And you’d think someone just handed her the world—her smile is that big.

It reminds me of the sun.





I HOPE MY smile masks the commotion inside my chest. I can’t let on how much my heart aches right now. Vance’s mom asking his name earlier almost made me break down. He’s trying to be strong though, and I want to be strong for him.

The diner is packed when we arrive and I have to make two passes around before we find a space. I unclick my belt and hop out of the car, meeting Vance on the other side. My stomach grumbles in protest about wanting food again and I’m about to comment when I happen to glance up at a nearby tree. I stop walking and unzip my purse to grab my iPhone. Vance turns back when he realizes I’m no longer beside him.

“What are you doing?”

I point a finger toward the highest branch. “Look at that.”