Letters to Nowhere(63)

“That…” He placed a hand on the back of my neck. “…was a great line.”

I looked up at him and laughed. “It was, wasn’t it? I’m pretty proud of myself.”

He kissed me on the mouth, leaving his lips there for several seconds, long enough for me to want them there even longer. But then he pulled me down onto one of the beds and we lay shoulder–to–shoulder on top of the covers, our heads at the bottom and feet propped up on the pillows. “This is why I brought you here. I just wanted to be able to relax and not worry about anyone else. Not because I wanted to—”

“Have wild animal sex in someone else’s dorm room bed?” I finished for him.

“I can’t believe you just said that.” He laughed again and turned his head. We were so close together, I could feel his breath landing on my cheek. “What’s going on with you and my dad this week? I’ve avoided asking because I assumed you didn’t want to stick me in the middle and you probably didn’t want to talk about it in the house, yes?”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” I admitted. “It’s like suddenly nothing is good enough for him. I’m so tired—mentally and physically—I’m leaving the gym after every practice with nothing left and it’s so hard and I just don’t know…” I covered my face and groaned.

Jordan rolled on his side and tugged my hands away. “Sorry I asked. New subject? Something we can’t talk about unless we’re alone. I want to take advantage of the situation.”

I snorted back a laugh and Jordan rolled his eyes. “Not that kind of taking advantage. Jesus, you have a dirtier mind than I do, and that’s saying a lot.”

I relaxed again and let my mind wrap itself around my current situation and what else I needed to know about Jordan Bentley. “You know how you said that I could ask you anything?”

“Uh–huh…and?” He twirled a piece of my hair around his finger like he had that night at Stevie’s, watching the red wind and unwind against his pale skin.

“About those two people…” I fought the urge to close my eyes so I didn’t have to look at him. “Who? And when?”

“Last summer,” he said, still watching my hair on his finger. “This girl that I worked with at camp, Liberty. We dated pretty much the whole time we were there and then at the end of the summer—”

“Right.” I cut him off before he could add on any descriptions. “But you broke up with her, right?”

“We sort of tried the long–distance thing but it didn’t work. She’s from Canada and a year older.”

“And the other person?”

“Just this girl, Alex. I met her at one of Tony’s parties. She goes to school somewhere in St. Louis.”

“You met her once and then—” I stopped after seeing his guard go up.

He dropped the hair from his finger and set his hand down beside me. “I met her a few times before, but it was stupid and honestly very awkward. I think both of us would run if we saw each other again.”

“So when you said two people,” I asked, “you actually meant, like, two times?”

“Correct.” He leaned down and touched his forehead to mine. “There’re a lot of things I haven’t done before.”

“Like what?” It slipped out before I could stop it.

Jordan kissed me quickly on the mouth and laughed. “Do you really want me to tell you? Like a detailed answer?”

I nodded, feeling my face heat up.

“Well,” he said, pulling back a little. “I’ve never been naked with anyone before. Like totally naked.”

“You can have sex without being naked?”

He flopped onto his back again and I took that as my cue to scoot over and prop myself up on my elbow, giving him more room. He didn’t have enough hair to twirl, but I could run my fingers through it. He closed his eyes when my hand landed in his hair and let out a tiny sigh. “Yes…you can have sex without being naked. Liberty was pretty weird about leaving her bra on all the time.”

“What else haven’t you done?” I brushed my fingers over his cheek, trying to cover every inch of his skin, checking for any of the stubble that seemed to require him to shave daily. But his skin was super smooth.

“I’m not going to list the crazy porno stuff,” he said.

“Good,” I said with a laugh. “Next non–crazy, non–porno thing?”

“Oral sex.”

My whole body stiffened, hearing Jordan say something aloud that I hadn’t even begun to be able to visualize, let alone think about actually doing. “What else?”

“I’ve never kissed the same person long enough to get really good at it. With me and Liberty, once we moved on to third base, she wasn’t actually into kissing much. Honestly, we weren’t alone very often, and she liked us looking cute in front of people for the sake of looking cute in front of people. She was actually kind of bitchy when we were alone. I don’t even know why I liked her. Maybe I just wanted to give the girlfriend thing a try, since I hadn’t before her.”

“I can definitely see how you would look cute in front of people.” I combed my fingers through his hair again, making it stick up in the front. “You’ve got this boy–band look going on. You know, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to talk to you the first time we met.”