Leo's Chance(19)

I pull into a parking spot on the street in front of my building but instead of going up to my condo like I know I should, I walk a couple blocks down to a bar on the corner. I just don’t feel like being alone. I just want to go somewhere where there are people, a crowd. I want to drown this feeling. A few shots of bourbon will do the trick. Temporarily.

I sit down at the bar and order two shots of Wild Turkey. It’s what Lauren and Phil stocked. Straight, No Chaser. It’s going to be my band’s name once I actually form one, learn the guitar and go on the road. I almost snort to myself but suck it back before I become, crazy, party of one. I down one after the other, grimacing and signaling to the bartender to bring me two more. Four is the magic number. Not stumbling drunk, but don’t f*cking care buzzed. I’ve got Numb Down to a Science. That’ll be my first single. The soundtrack for self-destructive tendencies everywhere. I grimace.

I order a beer so I can sit and nurse it for a little bit and as the bartender places it in front of me, a woman sits down next to me, smiling when I glance over. Chin length blond hair. Pretty. Definite cougar.

"Hey there," she smiles, turning toward me fully and taking a sip of her drink, something pink in a martini glass.

"Hey," I say back, not looking at her. I note that my voice is already thicker with the alcohol.

"I’m Alana." She reaches out her hand and I glance down at it before turning slightly to shake it. "Jake," I say.

"So what brings you here, alone, Jake?" She asks, tilting her head and sucking on her straw.

I pause for a minute, thinking. "Alana. I’m here because the love of my life is across town in her apartment and if I don’t drink myself into a coma, I’m going to drive myself over there and knock down her door and make a complete jackass of myself."

She blinks, apparently stunned silent. Then a huge smile takes over her face. "Well, why the hell wouldn’t you drive over there and make a jackass of yourself?"

I ponder that momentarily. "Because she’ll tell me to go f*ck myself and I don’t want to f*ck myself. I want to f*ck her."

Alana blinks again. "Well, you sure say it like it is, don’t you, Jake?" She’s smiling though.

I shrug, taking another pull on my beer.

"Listen, Jake. I think the risk of looking like a fool is a hell of a lot better than living with regret."

I nod. If only it were that simple. We sit in silence for a minute before I say, "So what’s your story, Alana?"

She sighs, taking another sip of her drink. "Well, overall story is pretty boring I guess. But we’re in a bar, drowning our sorrows, so more appropriate is my sob story which is that I was married for ten years when I found out my husband was cheating on me with a married neighbor... his soul mate, he told me. We’ve been divorced for a year now."

I grimace. "Jesus. I’m sorry. Did you suspect anything?"

She’s thoughtful for a minute. "Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, there wasn’t anything specific, surprisingly. But I just felt like he was always off at home... Not abusive or anything... just, ran hot and cold all the time. I never really felt like he was very into me, I guess is a good way to put it." She shrugs.

"Well, then, Alana. Maybe you’re better off now than you were with him. Maybe they did you a favor. Look at it as a second chance."

I take the last sip of my beer and signal to the bartender to bring me one more. "Want another one?" I nod my head toward her drink. She shakes her head no.

When the bartender places my fresh beer down, Alana says, "We all deserve a second chance, don’t we? To second chances." She clinks her drink to my bottle.

"To second chances," I repeat, thinking of Evie. Do we all deserve a second chance? Even me?

After a minute she says, "We got married because I was pregnant and I always thought we probably wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for our daughter. I wouldn’t trade her for the world, but it’s probably true."

I nod. "Life doesn’t always go the way we plan it to go," I say quietly.

"No. That’s for sure. My ex marries his soul mate this weekend. Tonight seemed like a good night to get a drink – or twenty." She laughs weakly. "It just feels so unfair." She frowns and looks down.

We’re both quiet for a minute before I say, "Way I see it, maybe it’s not so unfair, as unfinished. If you stopped in the middle of a lot of stories, they’d seem unfair. You’re still in the middle of yours."

She studies me for a long moment and then nods and smiles. "I like that. The thing is, I was dating someone before I met Colin, my husband. We broke up over something dumb and then I immediately hooked up with Colin, got pregnant... and, the rest is history. But I never stopped thinking of that other man. I even looked him up on Facebook recently and saw that he’s divorced too with two kids."

I look over at her. "Did you send him a message?"

She shakes her head. "No. I don’t know... what if he still holds a grudge after all these years? What if he’s just not interested?"

"Wait, didn’t you tell me that it’s better to look like a fool than to live with regret? Don’t you take your own advice?" I smile over at her.

She laughs. "Isn’t that always the problem? It’s so easy to give advice to others. Taking your own advice isn’t always so easy."