Leo(A Sign of Love Novel)(52)

"He's Leo, Nic. That story he told me about Leo dying in a car accident isn't true. Because he's Leo." I frown. "But he's Jake, too. I don't understand it."

Nicole looks stunned. "He's Leo? Your Leo? The Leo? But why didn't he tell you? How did you find out?"

"Nicole, can we go to your house? I want to wash my face and… is that okay?"

"Of course, let's go." She pulls out and I lay my head back on the seat and close my eyes. Nicole must know I need to rest for a few minutes because she doesn't ask me any more questions on the drive.

We go into her house and it's quiet. "Where's Kaylee?" I ask.

"She's with Mike's mom today and tonight. I thought it might be nice to have an adult night since we were going to meet Jake," she shoots me a look and bites her lip.

I sigh. "Can I clean myself up a little bit? I'm a freakin' mess."

"Yeah, go do that and I'll make some tea… or do you want something stronger?" She smiles.

I laugh for the first time since I left the spa. "Later. For now tea is good."

I clean myself up in the bathroom, smoothing my hair back down which is all blown to heck and holding a cold, wet washcloth on my eyes for a few minutes each. When I come out, I feel better.

I find Nicole curled up on one side of her sofa with a steaming cup of tea in her hand. She gestures to mine on the table next to the big, upholstered chair to her right.

I curl up and pull the afghan draped across the arm, over my lap. I pick up my tea and take a sip as Nicole says, "Tell me what happened today."

I recount my run in with Gwen at the spa and then when I tell her about confronting Jake and about his tattoo, Nicole sucks in breath and says, "What? YOU are the girl on his back? Okay, wow, this is blowing my mind. But, wait, I don't get it… what does it mean?"

Haltingly, I tell her about Leo's family, his brother, his pain, and the story I'd made up to try to ease his suffering, at least momentarily. I only cry once during the telling of it, remembering a roof on a hot summer night and a broken boy in my arms.

I look up at Nicole and her eyes are glistening with tears, too. "Wow, Evie," she chokes, "He carried that with him on his skin all these years. That's just… wow. That's beautiful."

"He lied to me, Nic, twice. In my life, that boy destroyed me… and now the man has been deceiving me." I have no idea how to feel right now. My mind is reeling with hurt and confusion.

"Are you going to give him a chance to explain things to you, honey? I'm not saying you'll be able to forgive him. I have no idea what he'll say, but I think you need to listen to him." She looks at me worriedly.

I mull over her words for a few minutes and then I sigh. "I guess I owe that to myself, too. I just can't process all of this right now. I need time."

"Okay, hon. You go to him when you're ready. Just hear him out. You deserve answers."

I nod, taking a sip of my tea.

Nicole speaks again, haltingly, softly, "Honey, you really didn't recognize him? Not even a little bit?"

I'm silent for several minutes, sipping my tea and deep in thought about her question. "I mean, Nicole, he looks so different. I guess now that I know, I can see the boy that he once was in some of his features, but, I mean… okay, who was the first boy you kissed?"

Nicole grins. "Jimmy Valente. We were 14. He was my boyfriend for a year."

"Okay, can you conjure up his face in your mind right now?"

She looks up, concentrating, then frowns, "No, I guess I can't."

"Okay, well imagine that Jimmy Valente was a scrappy, skinny kid in worn clothes the last time you saw him and then eight years later you came upon this huge, stunning, Godlike creature in a designer suit whose hair had darkened and who had gotten dental work and he told you his name was Tom Smith. You might not recognize him either."

I feel defensive because truthfully, why didn't I recognize him? He was the love of my life, up until I met Jake anyway, or… wait… God, this is all so f*cked up.

"Also, Nic, you have to realize that after Leo left and didn't contact me again, it was so painful for me that, in my mind, he was still that boy on the roof with me, almost… I don't know, frozen in time. It was easier for me to convince myself that he remained there in a real sense. To picture him walking around in the world, not caring about me, hurt too much. I guess I compartmentalized him. There was the real world, and then there was that boy… lost in the past. Jake showed up and he was part of the real world, completely separate from that boy on the roof." I rub my eyes, "God, am I even making sense?"

"Yeah, I think I understand. I have some things in my past, granted, nothing overly traumatic, but you know, just things I prefer to leave in my past for one reason or another and I put those things in a special category called 'things I've decided never to think about again'." She laughs a quiet laugh.

I smile. "Yeah, something like that."

We're both quiet again for a minute or two and then I say, "The thing is, I think a part of me did recognize him, something visceral, something more instinctual. I just didn't question it enough because truthfully, I didn't want to. Maybe I did know and chose not to admit it to myself. I've always been good at shutting things out that felt unpleasant to me." I say sadly.