Left Drowning(79)

“Eric is staying in town, too, and working at a bank. Sounds noxiously boring to me, but he likes that sort of stuff. And he’s going to blog for the theater company I’m with, so that’ll be cool. Estelle will be smelling feet all summer at some super fancy shoe store and still working at the restaurant where she waitresses near campus.”

“Hey, Sabe.” I want to cut him off before he mentions Chris. “I’ve always wondered why she worked there. I mean, not to be weird, but it doesn’t seem like she needs the money.”

He smiles. “No, it’s not for the money. It’s because of Anya.”

“The older lady who owns the place? With the bun?”

“Yeah.” He smiles lightly. “Estelle’s not much for seeking out an obvious mother substitute, but I think Anya’s got that grandmother feel. It’s something. We don’t …” He waves his hand around. “We don’t have grandparents. We don’t have uncles and aunts and cousins. It’s just us.” He looks at Annie. “No, no, do not make that sad face, beautiful Annie! My personality more than compensates for our scant selection of relatives! Besides, we now have the hot cousin in the mix.” He nods at me and I laugh. “Tell me what your plans are. Lots of bikini wearing for you, I hope, Annie?”

Annie looks at me. “He’s a good one, this guy, huh?”

“Beyond good,” I assure her.

“I think we’ve got our summer plans down, and I believe they involve kicking things off with a Cape Cod trip.”

“I think that sounds perfect. What do you think?” I turn to my brother.

Having James here is amazing, and we feel more like we used to than I could have hoped. I’ve learned that if I use time intelligently, it can actually do a lot to fix wounds. When I finally asked him to come to graduation, I wasn’t sure what he would say. I hadn’t exactly been overly warm toward him since Christmas, but he’d handled it well because he knew that I deserved his patience. As much as I can be, I am over his lying about his injury. There wasn’t really anything specific we had to talk about. It just took time for me to let what came out of Christmas break settle. We can’t change the past and the choices that we’ve made. Besides, I have an opportunity to have a real relationship with him, and I’ve decided that I don’t want to miss it. What I do miss is the fun that we used to have together, so we’re getting that back no matter what.

“I think three weeks on the Cape sounds even better than two, don’t you?” James smiles broadly and nudges me.

“Yes, I do.” I nudge him back.

James put his arm over my shoulder and pulls me in while we blink pleadingly at Annie. “It sounds fun, doesn’t it? Three whole weeks to splash in the ocean, roll in the sand, fish off the boat?”

“You are still expected to find a job, you know, young man.” Annie looks pointedly at James, but still smiles.

“I’m quite sure that three weeks of decompression would totally rejuvenate his desire to seek employment. Right, James?”

He nods seriously. “Absolutely.”

Annie laughs. “You two fools are lucky that I’ve had so much wine because I totally agree. Let’s do it!” She fishes her phone from her purse. “I’m going to call my friend who’s letting us use her house, but I think it’ll be fine. She’s going to be away for another few weeks anyway.” She gets up from the table and touches James on the arm. “Walk with me outside. I can tell these two need a minute.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about, so I turn to Sabin. He is visibly teary. “Oh my God, Sabe. Don’t. No crying, okay?” I put my hand over his giant hand and squeeze. “What is it?”

“It’s … weird to watch you with James.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well … the way he … put his arm over your shoulder just now. That’s my thing with you.” He shrugs.

I smile. “Well, my, my, Sabin Shepherd, are you jealous?”

“Fuck, yes, I am. But I’m happy for you. You have a family again.”

“You listen to me, all right? Listen,” I say firmly. “You are my family. From the minute that you stole my coffee, you were my family. That’s for always. I will always need you, no matter how close James and I ever get. All four of you, you have changed my life.”

“Shit, I’m going to miss you.” He can’t look at me, and that’s probably for the best.

I give in and let my eyes fill. There is going to be a lot of crying this weekend. That’s unavoidable. “This is going to be a hard good-bye,” I say.

“Yes, it is.” He takes my wineglass, fills it, and drinks half the glass. “But I know it’s not your hardest.”

“No, you’re wrong. This one is different, but it’s just as hard.” I get up from my chair and take my favorite spot in his lap. I won’t get to have his big arms around me anytime that I want after this. What I am losing is starting to seem like too much now, and I don’t know how to deal with it. “You’ll come visit me; you promised.”

He hugs me and nods into my neck, and I bury my face into him. “Yeah, I will. And maybe you’ll come out here, too? We could have a Thanksgiving do-over?”