Left Drowning(32)

“How far do you run these days, anyway?” Estelle asks.

“Oh.” I think for a minute. Two playlists isn’t really a definitive answer. “I don’t know, actually. Probably a few miles. Maybe more.”

Estelle tosses up her hands. “I wish my roommate were a runner. Maybe then she’d be too busy to bitch endlessly about my laundry pile. She’s an obsessive-compulsive neat freak.”

“You are a slob,” Eric says.

“Shut up. And she wants to turn on the lights and roll up the shades at ungodly early hours, and she gets bullshit that I might want to sleep past six f*cking o’clock in the morning. She barrels around the room intentionally making loud noises until it’s impossible for me to sleep even with pillows on my head. I hate her. Why did I get stuck with such a stupid loser?”

“You didn’t choose to live with her?” I ask.

“Hell no. I know, I know, you’re wondering why I didn’t put in for a particular roommate like everyone else. Girls don’t like me. Which is fine. I don’t like other girls much either. Except for you. You, I like.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re not a moronic bitch.”

“I don’t think you’re a moronic bitch either.”

“Good. So the final straw was this morning. Is it unreasonable not to want to wake up to Michael f*cking Bublé? It is not! So while she waltzed around the room humming to herself, I did some humming to myself, too.”

Eric slams his book shut. “Estelle, you did not!”

“What?” I ask. “What are you talking about?”

Estelle examines her perfectly manicured red nails. “I whipped out my biggest vibrator and turned it up to high.”

“Oh my God.” I am not sure what else to say.

“She was not happy, let me assure you. And frankly, I wasn’t all that thrilled with the results, either. Have you ever tried to masturbate while singing ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas’ at the top of your lungs? It’s not easy. Plus, I’m not in the stockings-and-tinsel mood yet. It’s only November, and I refuse to deal with Christmas until after Thanksgiving.”

“Of course she was pissed off.” Eric is blushing, and his sigh echoes throughout the room. “You’re not supposed to—”

“Blythe? What do you think?” Estelle crosses her arms.

“I think that I don’t want to listen to Michael Bublé’s music, but that thinking about him while I masturbate is something to consider. He’s not bad looking. That said, I might choose a different method to retaliate against a roommate. One that doesn’t, you know, involve a high-speed vibrator.”

Estelle taps her foot for a minute and then smirks. “So no anal beads either?”

Oh God. “Probably not,” I advise.

Eric has turned nearly purple.

“What am I gonna do?” Estelle clomps from the desk chair over to my futon and throws herself down, resting her head on my legs. “I hate that abominable wench.”

“Move in with me,” I blurt out.

She rolls over to look up at me. “What?”

“You could move in with me. I have this double to myself. There’s no reason that you should be so unhappy.” What am I doing? Why can’t I stop talking?

“Really? Really?”

“That’s awesome of you,” Eric says.

“Yes! Yes! I accept your freaking amazing offer! Let’s do it now! Let’s move me!”

“Now? Like, right now?”

“No time like the present to make positive changes, right? Right?” Estelle is already on her phone. “You’re rockin’ my world right now, B.”

***

It doesn’t take long for Estelle to orchestrate things. It seems like only an hour passes before we’ve loaded most of her things into a pickup truck. The plan is for Eric and me to head back to my dorm room while she stays behind to clean up. The pickup’s wheels skid dangerously as we come to a stop sign.

“Of all the days to move, Estelle has to choose this sloppy one. She couldn’t have waited a few days for this weather to clear up?” Eric’s cheeks are slightly rosy from the chill, and he turns up the heat.

“Estelle wouldn’t be moving for another six months then,” I point out. “You know how it is here. Matthews College is a bag of frozen peas in the giant Wisconsin freezer.”

“True.” Eric checks for traffic and then crosses the intersection. “Thanks for helping us move her stuff out of her dorm room. You didn’t have to. You’re doing plenty already by letting her move in.”

“No problem. It’s a good thing you have this truck, considering that she lives on the far end of campus. Lugging this shit by hand would’ve sucked.”

“Actually, this is Chris’s truck. It may be old as dirt, but it runs great. The rest of us have newer cars, but he said that he wanted to go with something used. Something that has stood the test of time, which he thinks bodes well for the future or something.” Eric pats the dashboard. “At least Sabin put in a killer sound system.”

“Wait, so all of you have cars?”

“I know. It seems a little excessive, huh?” Eric turns on the wipers. “Chris insisted.”