Leave a Trail (Signal Bend #7)(130)

“I’ll take the kids with me. Get ‘em some McDonald’s or somethin’, then we’ll be back for the ladies at three.”

Isaac looked shredded, and Lilli figured he felt the same relief and disappointment she felt—only tenfold. She would have preferred their kids to be happy with every precious second they were able to be with their father, but they were young. And the thought of having hours alone with him—well, as alone as they could be—was alluring, to say the least. But her heart broke to see him hug his children and watch Show take them away. When Gia stopped at the door to the rest of the world and turned to wave and blow him a kiss, he returned it and muttered, “Fuck, that hurts.”

“I know, love. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and grabbed her hand again. “Nothing to do now but get through.” His eyes on hers, he said, “Tell me. You’re doin’ okay?”

“Yeah. We have a routine. We’re busy. The B&B will be open in another few weeks, Gia’s got school.

It’s weird how much is the same when everything is so f*cking different.”

“Right,” he laughed. “Can’t say the same.”

“Sorry. God, that was a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry.” Reflexively, she jerked her hand, but he held fast.

“It’s all good, Sport. I just want you okay. If you and the kids are okay, then I can do this. That’s what I need to get through. You okay, and waiting for me.”

Then that’s what they would be. No matter what, for Isaac, they would be okay. And waiting. Always waiting.



oOo



They spent that night in the same roadside motel rooms they’d spent the previous night. Tasha had wanted to go to the bar down the side road, but Lilli had the kids and wasn’t in the mood anyway, so she turned in with them while Show took Tash down for drinks. Len’s old lady was having trouble being alone.

Lilli thought that was interesting, because she herself could barely stand people around her at all anymore.

Even Shannon. Things were tolerable as long as they were talking about getting the business open, or even talking about Millie and Joey, or about Adrienne’s pregnancy, and as long as they were working as Shannon talked. But Lilli did not want to talk about herself or anything about her life. No.

The only person she could stand to talk to was Show. Only he understood Isaac like she did. In some ways, he understood him better. And only he could begin to approach an understanding of what it was like not to have him. But even with him, she was reticent.

So she bathed her kids, read to them, and tucked them in, then got into bed with a book. She tried to focus on the words, but all she could think of was Isaac. His smell, how it was both familiar and alien now, an institutional layer of prison over the scent she knew so well. The feel of his arms around her again. His beard on her face when he kissed her. The clutch of his fingers on her hips when a guard called him off from their goodbye. Remembering the feel of him, she was wet and restless. But her kids were sleeping in the next bed. She cast the book aside with a sigh and tried to shut her eyes.

After tossing and turning for who knew how long, she opened her eyes and saw that Bo had turned sideways in his sleep. His head was hanging off the bed; his feet lay on his sister’s belly. Chuckling quietly, Lilli got up and settled him more safely and comfortably on the pillow.

She saw the glow of a cigarette through the closed sheers filling the gap in the curtains that wouldn’t close all the way, and she went to the peephole to see. Show was standing out there, smoking. She hadn’t thought he still smoked, not since the twins. Yanking a hoodie over her yoga pants and tank, she went out onto the walkway overlooking the parking lot, turning the security bolt on the door so it would catch on the jamb and she wouldn’t lock herself out.

“Hey, Lilli.”

“You okay?”

“Sure. Couldn’t sleep.”

“You get Tasha the drunk she was looking for?”

He grinned. “I’d say so. Think she’ll be pretty quiet on the drive tomorrow.”

Indicating his cigarette, she said, “I thought you stopped.”

“Did. Bought a pack at the mini-mart next to the bar. I’ll smoke a couple and be done again. I come around the twins smelling like smoke, and Shannon will make me pay. But I needed a nic hit tonight.”

“Because of today?”

“That was hard. Didn’t expect it to be easy, but that was hard.”

“Yeah, it was. Are they really okay, you think? The cuts and bruises aren’t a thing?”

“They live in a jungle now, Lilli. Gotta thump your chest every now and then, show who’s the baddest gorilla in the banana grove. You know that.” He turned a wry eye on her. “You think either of them’s gonna lose a straight-up chest-thump? No, when it’s trouble, it won’t be a beating. If somebody goes for him, he’ll get shanked.”

Lilli leaned back against the filthy, faded siding of the motel. “If that was supposed to make me feel better, you really f*cking suck at it.”

His cigarette smoked down, he dropped the butt to the walkway and stubbed it out under his boot. “You gotta come back out into the world now, Lilli.”

“What?”

“Come back to the family. People are goin’ crazy with worry. Let us help you.”