Lead (Stage Dive, #3)(87)

Her eyes narrowed. “Please, the way he’s looking at you.”

“How is he looking at me?”

“Like you invented … what, help me out here …” She turned to her friend.

“Blow jobs,” supplied Lauren.

“Right.” Ev crossed her arms. “Jimmy’s looking at you like you invented blow jobs and you’re still trying to play innocent with me? That won’t fly. You and he are very, very involved.”

I gave away nothing.

“Anne wouldn’t tell me anything either. You girls are useless for gossip.” Ev sighed. “You wouldn’t hold out on me, would you Lizzy?”

“No, Ev. I wouldn’t dare.”

She gave me a side eyed glance. “Why do I not believe you?”

Lizzy laughed. “Okay, I’m going to go wrestle my sister away from her boyfriend for a few minutes. Later, ladies.”

“Later,” I said, doing a subtle look over my shoulder to check out the lay of the land. Jimmy was staring straight at me, eyes troubled. With Mal now busy talking to Lizzy and Anne, he had no distractions. I on the other hand had Ev and Lauren watching my every move.

“She’s a goner,” said Lauren.

“Yep,” agreed Ev. “But I suspect he’s rather smitten himself.”

I ignored them both. Sort of. “How about instead of worrying about what romantic dramas I may or may not be going through, we wonder what’s going on with their bitch mother? Any news on her?”

Ev winced. “Last David heard she’d taken the money and run.”

“Jimmy acts like it doesn’t affect him, but it must,” I said, going back to staring at the object of my heart’s desire in the reflections in the window.

His dark hair was slicked back and he wore a black dress shirt and a pair of blue jeans, shiny black boots. The sleeves were rolled back on his shirt, showing off his tattoos. I’d still never heard the story of those, what they meant to him. It was sad, the way there’d probably always be things left unfinished between us what with me only being his occasional hook-up.

“Lena?” Ev moved closer, lowering her voice. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.” I gave her my best smile.

She didn’t return it.

I let mine go since it was so completely unconvincing. “There’s just a lot going on right now.”

“You’re not still thinking of leaving, are you?”

Lauren had wandered off to be with her boyfriend, Ev’s brother, Nate. We were alone. Ev, me, and all my worries and doubts standing in the corner at the party, watching life go by.

“Some shit went down with my sister and my ex a while back. They got together behind my back and now they’re getting married,” I said, unloading it all. Something told me she not only could take it, but she wanted to. As much as I loved Jimmy, sometimes a girl just needed a female friend to talk things out with.

Ev’s mouth formed a perfect O. “Crap.”

“Yeah, pretty horrible. I think my confidence took a dive, you know?”

“I bet.” She tugged on her elegant blonde plait, eyes thoughtful. “How are you and your sister getting along now?”

“She says she’s sorry. She wants me to go home for the wedding and step in for a bridesmaid who bolted.”

“Huh.” Ev huffed out a breath. “That’s a pretty big ask.”

“Yes, it is.” I laughed despite the situation being distinctly unfunny.

“You going?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I don’t want to leave Jimmy or subject myself to that, but weddings are a big deal. If I went, I’d be taking the high road. And all of the family will be there. I’ve stayed away for the last year or so, and they’re all fired up for me to show my face at least. Though I think my actually ever being a bridesmaid is right out of the god damn question.”

She didn’t say anything at first, just looked at me. “Lena, is this wedding going to cut you? Or is it just going to be a shitty thing to sit through, have a few drinks, smile at the right people, and then get the hell out of there the minute you can?”

“The latter I think.” I sighed. “I think I’ll feel better in the end if I go. It’ll give me some closure.”

“Then go. Jimmy will be okay for a couple of days.”

True, but the chances of me not getting all heart-down and despondent away from him weren’t good. Not that it mattered.

Me and him sitting kissing in a tree wasn’t what he wanted. Not in any permanent way anyhow.

I wasn’t what he wanted. He’d said it so many times, in so many different ways. It seemed only now however that my heart was truly taking it in, letting go. Our time together would come to an end. I couldn’t stop loving him, and he refused to start. That was the cold hard truth.

I needed to enjoy the here and now. Take what I could get, while I could get it.

Eventually, things would get problematic and I’d be leaving, just like I’d planned to right back at the start.

“Thanks, Ev.”

She smiled. “You’re one of us, Lena. Any time.”

“Hey.” The deep familiar voice came from directly behind me, making me jump.

I hadn’t noticed him get up at all. “Jimmy. Hey.”