Lead (Stage Dive, #3)(79)

“Glad you two made up. But, Lena, he’ll keep f*cking up. He can’t help it.”

“I don’t think we should be—”

“At high school he could have any girl he wanted with a look. I swear, that’s all it took, and they’d come running.”

I bet they did.

“It’s been the same ever since. He’s never been the type to go back for seconds. None of them ever interested him that much.”

I buried my hands in my lap, looked away. Wherever he was going with this, I didn’t like it. Also, no matter how mixed up things were with Jimmy and me, I wasn’t going to talk about him to his brother behind his back. “I’ve heard. David, I’m not comfortable with this.”

“He’s really into you. You walk into a room and he’s all over it, Lena. Watching you on the sly, listening in to everything you say. I don’t know if you realize …”

I blinked. “Um, no. I didn’t.”

“Jimmy’s always been a hard case, closed off.”

“He’s not. He’s just complicated.” I leapt to his defense without thought. Those were the same damn things my idiot ex had accused me of being. Anything along those lines was still a big angry red button sitting inside of me, waiting to go off.

“Lena,” David said. “Just let me explain. Please.”

I nodded.

His gaze ran over the glittering trophies. He really was a very attractive man, but all I saw were the pieces of Jimmy in him, the shared genetics. Or maybe that was love, searching for traces of what your heart longed for everywhere you went. Perhaps I’d always be trying to see him from now on.

“Did you know it was his idea to start the band?” David asked.

“No, I didn’t.”

David nodded, half smiled. “Yeah, he likes to make out it was me, but it wasn’t. Jim said if we were spending so much time f*cking around with guitars and shit, we might as well try to make some money out of it. But that wasn’t what it was about for him, not really.”

Despite myself I edged forward in my chair, eager to know. “So why then?”

“Family, Lena. He wanted us all to stick together. I think … well, I know, even back then, he was starting to unravel. He was already drinking and smoking pot. Not just casually, but to excess. Then as the band got bigger, so did his troubles.” His jaw shifted from side to side. “It was like, he didn’t feel like he deserved success, so the more it came his way, the faster he ran.”

”Why are you telling me this?”

“Because right now he’s running from you. He’s terrified of you, Lena.”

I blinked.

“He’s always keeping an eye out for you, and then the minute you’re in his space he gets all agitated and wound up. It’s like you’re his new drug of choice. Only you’re actually good for him.” He squinted, forehead wrinkling. “Problem is, he just doesn’t know how to deal with you. Doesn’t feel worthy of the kind of love I have with Ev, or Mal has with Anne.”

“I’m not sure what to do with that,” I said, shifting my aching booted leg into a more comfortable position. My mind twirled in weary circles. It’d been a long day. “What are you saying here, David? What do you want from me?”

“Ah, I dunno.” He laughed. “I guess I’m asking you to have patience, to not give up on him.”

I just stared.

“Don’t break his heart, Lena. Fuck, he barely even knows he has one, but he does. And it’s actually a really good one. Just give him a chance to figure out what to do with it, please?”

“David …”

He held up his hand, forestalling my words, if I’d had any. “Just think about it.”

“There’s something I need you to think about too,” I said. “Please.”

“What’s that?”

I breathed in deep, choosing my words with care. “After Idaho, when your mom showed up and you said those things. That hurt him. Badly.”

His gaze darkened. “Lena.”

“He protected you from her, much more than you know. I can’t say …” I shrugged, my hands clasped in my lap. “It’s not right for me to say more. But he needs you to be on his side when it comes to her. And what’s more, he deserves it.”

David gazed at the ground, then slowly nodded his head. “I know. And I will.”

“Thank you.”

He gave me a thoughtful look from beneath his brows. “I think we both love him, don’t we?”

My lips parted to confirm it but I just couldn’t say it. The words disappeared.

He smiled and walked out.

I sat there a long time, staring after him, thinking.





CHAPTER SIXTEEN


It was around midnight when he tiptoed on in. I almost smiled, the mental image of Jimmy sneaking into my room after lights out being so amusing. It was a lot like being sixteen again.

“Lena?” he whispered, crawling onto the bed. “You awake?”

After the fighting, making-up, fighting again, and then talking with David, I was wrung out. Over it. Emotionally, I just needed to be hung up to dry for a while, so I decided to fake sleep. I kind of also wanted to know what he’d do if I didn’t answer.