Lead (Stage Dive, #3)(45)

“Never mind,” I mumbled.

“Haven’t we talked about this enough? I was a mess, Lena. A total *. I was angry and f*cked up and not someone you’d want to know.” His lips pressed together. “Now, I’m a bit calmer at least. I’m in control most of the time.”

I nodded.

“What’s going on with your sister’s wedding?” He shot back at me.

My lips sealed tight.

“I answered your question. So answer mine.”

He had a point, didn’t mean I liked it. Admitting to any weakness in front of Jimmy seemed a dangerous thing and this particular chink in my armor still stung. “She’s marrying my ex-boyfriend. He dumped me for her.”

All expression fell from his face. “He’s the cheater you talked about?”

“Yeah. Awkward, huh? My own sister and everything.” I laughed, mostly at myself. Just my luck to have the only decent guy I’d ever dated run off with Alyce. “You can imagine my relief at not being asked to be a bridesmaid at that one.”

“That’s pretty f*cking low.”

My shoulders relaxed, descending to more normal territory. “I thought so at the time. Apparently they’re happy together, so …”

“Beside the point.” Jimmy scowled at the coffee table like he was thinking of taking an axe to it. “Wouldn’t kill your sister to show some loyalty. It’s no better than what I did to David and that was … that was bad. She shouldn’t have done that to you, Lena.”

“Thank you.” My lips curled up of their own accord.

His opinion meant so much more to me than it should. The absolute conviction in his voice eased me. It was tempting to throw some of the things Brandon, my ex-boyfriend, had said out there. Let them be heard by someone other than me just for the joy of possibly listening to Jimmy shoot them down. How I was too hard and difficult, detached and unreachable. So he’d reached for my sister instead and bless her lack of sibling loyalties, she’d reached right back.

Screw them both.

But if Jimmy agreed with any of the vitriol my ex had spouted, it would hurt a part of me I wasn’t certain could heal. For all his put-downs, deep inside of him, he seemed to think well of me. I valued that more than words could say.

“Anyway,” I said. “Thank you for opening up to me about when you were using. About a lot of things lately. It’s been good, talking to you more.”

He shrugged. “Talking is supposed to help both of our situations.”

“Does it help you?” I asked.

“No, not really. I’ve accepted responsibility for all the things that I’ve done, and I’ve tried to make amends. Time to move on.” He flicked his hair back. “It helping you?”

I stared at him, transfixed. Love is a convoluted thing really, there is little simplicity to it deep down. It consists of layers of emotions, thoughts, and memories, coalescing into one overwhelming point. The knowledge that one person in this world means more to you than most anything. Sense and reason don’t stand a chance. Sometime-bastard and messed-up man that he was, I adored him, all of him.

“No, it’s not,” I said. “Because your dark parts don’t scare me, Jimmy. They never did.”

“They should.” He licked his lips, holding my gaze all the while.

Good god, his mouth, so beautiful. My stomach went into freefall. In his eyes, it almost seemed there was something real there. A tangible bond or emotion that went beyond our ordinary everyday interactions. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. But as always, it lay just beyond reach.

I turned away first this time, self-protection had to kick in eventually. The doorbell rang and the moment shattered. Probably for the best.

“Remember, you promised not to interfere.” I leapt to my feet.

Sadly, he was faster. “Not gonna interfere, just interested in meeting him.”

“Jimmy—”

“Hey, you must be Reece.” The door stood open and Jimmy’s broad shoulders filled the space. I couldn’t see past him.

“Jimmy Ferris, I take it,” a friendly enough male voice said. They shook hands, then Jimmy stepped back. Reece was average height, lean, and nice looking in a hipster boy way, short dark hair and thick-rimmed glasses.

“Hi, I’m Lena.” I waved.

We looked each other over. First dates and set-ups really were among the most torturous of social endeavors. Whoever had invented them deserved a nice slap upside the head. But Reece’s smile of approval filled his face, it seemed I’d passed the test. Perhaps tonight showed promise after all.

“I’ll just grab my coat,” I said, side stepping back into the living room with all due haste. God knows what Jimmy would say or do left alone with him for long. This date needed to last longer than fifteen minutes. My pride demanded it.

“So, where you taking her, Reece?” My boss’s voice carried through the house just fine.

I grabbed my coat and purse, and rushed back, heels clacking against the marble floor. The inquisition had to be halted at all costs before Jimmy ran him off. “Ready!”

“Thought we might head out to a movie, if that sounds okay with you, Lena?” Reece stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Sounds great! Let’s go.” Already, my cheeks ached from smiling. If I was any perkier I’d need shooting.