Layers(91)

“Hi, Hales.”

Don’t Hales me. “Daniel,” I say, my voice betraying me by failing to sound stable.

“Can I come in?”

“Why?” I retaliate. Disregarding my question he takes a couple of steps forward to the entrance of our hall, and instinctively I take the equivalent steps backward. I won’t be able to control myself if he gets any closer.

“Can we talk?” His eyes rest on mine with an edge of anxiety.

Now? Just like that? Where were you a few days ago?

“Daniel,” I say. “What took you so long?” is what comes to my mind and out my mouth with a jaded bite, and before I let him answer I continue, more firmly this time. “Let me do the talking.” He nods, his eyes captivating mine, he looks weary but in his own handsome way.

Once I finally open my mouth, everything that was building inside of me just spills out.

“You gave me plenty of time since this unfortunate fiasco came to life, and you know what, time does makes you think hard, because that’s all that’s left to do when you’re in tremendous pain. Fortunately, it put things in perspective and when the pain stopped overshadowing my right mind and the insane longing for you eased, I understood that it was you who broke us.” Briefly, I watch him cringe and continue, “It was you who made a choice. The choice not to trust me, to not even try to understand. You chose to give me up, give us up and give in to your stubbornness and whatever it is that you so dearly protect from the world. I can assure you that what I told you by the fire was the truth. I have never felt this way about anyone before. Hell, I’ve never felt even remotely close to what I feel for you for anyone else. Ever. But you chose not to believe me by turning your back on me, by turning your back on us.”

I stop to take a needed deep breath, highly conscious of my beating heart and unsteadiness. He doesn’t tear his eyes from mine and lets me continue, his jaw clenched. His great effort to stay self-possessed doesn’t escape me.

“Like I tried to tell you before, yes, I did say everything that was written in that article, but not the way it was written, not to the person who wrote it, and the main point is that it was said out of love, out of confessing my overwhelming feelings I felt for you to my best friend. And yes, it is unfortunate that a tabloid reporter overheard it all, and I am so sorry for that. I really am. But if you had only tried to listen, you would have understood that my innocent words were quoted out of context in the most cruel way. No, stop,” I say, as he tries to speak. “Let me finish, please!” He does.

“And now you come here, tonight, after letting me go through the seven circles of hell. When you were the first one to walk away from us and then treated me as you did, I felt numb. You broke me. I can’t listen to you now. I don’t want you here, Daniel.”

“Look at me, please,” he says, quiet and firm.

It’s too hard, don’t you get it?

“Hales, I need you to look at me,” he repeats. “Hales, open your eyes and look at me, goddamn it.”

I tilt my head to look at him and there is so much pain in his eyes. For once, he’s listened to me.

“I’m sorry I gave up on us when you never did, but don’t give up too, Hales. Don’t be like me. You’re far better than this.” The emotion filling his voice is genuine. “Hales, I can’t go on feeling this way. I need you. I need us. I love you.”

My heart wrenches brutally from these three little words, and I know that if I look at him for a minute more I will break. I won’t have the power to hold myself back. And I don’t want that, I can’t let him hurt me again. I won’t survive a second round.

“I can’t do this Daniel. I can’t.”

“Hales, don’t.”




“I can’t, sorry,” I murmur, bitterly torn. Grasping the gravity of my words, he takes a few reluctant steps back, his pleading stare not leaving mine.

“Please, just leave.” And I close the door on him, but not before getting a glimpse of his utterly devastated eyes.

Once behind the closed door a silent cry burns me inside, evoking the pain again, this unbearable pain that consumes every part of me. I slide to the floor, rest my head in my hands and let it all go in the anguished realization that he was here just a moment ago with the intent to make amends.

~~~

A turn of the doorknob snaps me out of the hypnotic state I’ve been in since I closed the door behind Daniel.

“Hales?” Tasha calls as she tries to open the door. I scoot over a little to allow her enough space to get in.

“By the way you look I guess you know that Daniel’s outside,” she comments in an airy voice.

“He’s still here?” I ask hesitantly, my eyes swollen and my hands shaky.

She nods approvingly. “He was leaning with his forehead glued to the door. It looks like he’s in real pain, Hales.”

The notion tears me up inside. I’m still a rollercoaster of anger and longing, torn by my need for him and the rational need to stay away. What have I done?

Assessing me, she adds, “He asked me to tell you something.” Her green eyes are tender.

“What was it?” I ask, almost inaudibly, sniffing and wiping my eyes with the back of my hands.

“He asked me to say that he hopes you won’t let this be the last thing you ever tell him.” Hearing that, excruciating pain expands in my stomach. Tasha’s enquiring, soft gaze rests on me.