Layers(90)

Ian twists his mouth but before he can elaborate Tasha adds scornfully, “Yes, when I think of Mr. Stark, the first thing that pops to my mind is a termite.”

Tasha and I share a witchy smirk, and Ian shakes his head, impatient.

“Termites?” I say waiting for the crux of Ian’s grand theory.

“You’re like termites because they mate for life.” Nodding at his words, he continues. “You two will end up together. Even a nonromantic, coming of age, cynical gay guy can see that. It’ll take more than a quarrel for you to really split up.” He nods again and resumes, “Too deep, too emotional, too cosmic, too manic, too compatible. Just like a pair of gorgeous termites.”

Tasha rises for a standing ovation as I murmur, “Whatevs, Ian,” echoing his usual language. He flashes a cocky, knowing smile and I roll my eyes.

“Fine, well, we got your point. Now this termite’s friend would like to go out. Shall we?”

“I’m with Tasha,” I say.

“Some loyal termite you are,” she winks at me.

~~~

It’s only late that night after we return from clubbing and I am hidden deep under my covers that I let everything go. I am still utterly in love with him and I am mad at myself for not being more cautious talking about his personal life. I am as mad at him as I’ve ever been at anybody, for not trying, for turning his back on us as fast as he did. Most of all I hurt, deep inside, for the way he treated me, and because he let us, let me, go. And for the fourth cumulative night in a row, I fall asleep sobbing, strained sobs that have become the sound of my solitude.





Chapter 38: Too Little, Too Late


Casual Friday at work turns out to be casual, high-spirits Friday. Everyone seems to be in a good mood, especially when Josh takes all of our team to a happy hour lunch at a bar close by. I am positively surprised by the fact that throughout the entire time I spend with my colleagues I don’t feel down even once, not even when angry thoughts of Daniel invade my mind and threaten to derail me.

It’s only when we start walking back and a lady I hadn’t had the chance to be introduced to asks whether Daniel Stark is indeed my boyfriend that I get a twinge in my heart when I answer, “Not anymore.” The words sound so disturbingly infinite as they leave my mouth, making that lump that’s been traveling on and off my throat since the notorious post appeared online, swell up, provoking tears to prickle at the corners of my eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” she replies, sizing me up. I feign a smile, shaking my head in dismissal. “Don’t worry, I’m over it,” I lie, appreciative of the fact that she doesn’t linger on the subject. Instead she voluntarily starts telling me about her recent honeymoon in which she and her new husband spent a month traveling through South America. I cling to every word as if they were the deepest secrets of the universe, just to avoid dwelling on my fury entwined gloom.

~~~

By the time the office empties out I start to pack up too, pleased with my accomplishments this week. In spite of my feelings and my absence for the greater part of the week, by remaining undistracted and highly focused I managed to clear my desk from all the open tasks I had. When I finally do log off to go home for the weekend I’m pretty pleased, and so is Josh.

“Any special plans for the weekend?” he asks as he passes by my cubicle before leaving for the day.

“I guess plenty of resting is the grand plan,” I say with a small shrug.

“That’s a good plan, especially seeing as you were so sick this week; you should rest up.”

If you only knew how right you are.

“How about you?” I ask, not caring too much, but trying to be polite.

“Some of this, some of that, mainly rest and a hike.”

“Sounds like the ultimate combination.”

“Yes. Well, have a nice weekend.” He releases his special Colgate goodbye grin as he leaves.

Though I’m already packed and ready to go I wait a couple of minutes, trying not to get into any more small talk. I’m not in the mood.

~~~

To occupy my time and my thoughts I decide to pamper myself, beginning with a warm bath and cheerful music by “Madness” blasting from my player. Anything to keep me from fueling my anger. I continue with nail polish and end with the thought of making a nutritious shake. A healthy body equals a healthy mind or some crap like that. I shove almost every available fruit and vegetable into the food processor, turn it on and wait as I watch the bright, colorful ingredients turn into some slimy unappealing mixture. All of a sudden the idea doesn’t sound as appealing as it initially did. Through the roar of the machine I can hear a faint sound of a knock; I stop the machine and clearly hear the sound of a firm knock coming from the door.

“Just a sec,” I call taking quick steps through the hall, wondering who it can be.

My heart misses a beat when I open the door to find Daniel standing there, black tee and jeans, gorgeous, hesitantly smiling at me. He is here and he is smiling at me now.

My mental equilibrium is brutally tantalized looking back at him. Momentarily every part of me becomes frozen, not sure what to say or think. On one hand I am thrilled to see him here smiling at me, but as logic reasserts itself I am reminded how much pain he put me through and how easily he gave me up. The anger that possessed me in the last few days quickly overcomes my urge to throw myself at him.