LOL: Laugh Out Loud (After Oscar, #2)(83)

“He says no,” I told her.

She fisted her hands on her hips. “Tell him it’s important.”

Oscar must have heard because he said, “Oh for Chrissakes, put me on speaker.” It was just easier to do as asked rather than continue as their go-between. I pressed the Speaker button and held the phone out.

“Listen to me very carefully, Marigold,” Oscar instructed. “Go find the fox figurine in the music room. Inside of it, there’s a key. Take the key into the conservatory and find the statue of the gladiator who’s freeballing. Somehow the sculptor elected not to put him in a battle tunic, but whatever. Another story for another time. At the base of the statue is a hidden cubby.”

“The keys are in the cubby?” Marigold asked excitedly, leaning down toward the phone.

“No. Don’t be ridiculous,” Oscar scoffed. “But you’ll find a really nice ball gag in there that you might find useful. Avoid the handcuffs though. The key to those is somewhere else. Oh, actually… Lolo might have them. You can ask.”

Lolo paused from berating Larry and put a fingertip to his chin. “Is that what that goes to? God, it’s been bugging me for absolute ages.”

Marigold glared at the phone. “Thanks, darling brother.”

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I… I don’t even…”

“Shit, Farish is here with the doves. Gotta go.” Oscar hung up before I could figure out what the hell he was talking about.

I kept my eyes closed a beat longer, hoping that when I opened them again the chaos of the day might have eased, but I wasn’t so lucky. Because just then Marigold hissed, “Cheezit! It’s the cops!” I looked up to see her scrambling out of the room as Trevor came strolling in from the front hall, decked out in all his Vermont State Trooper glory.

“Morning,” he said, touching the brim of his hat as he headed toward the fridge in the kitchen.

Lolo placed his hand to his chest. “Holy hot blowjob on a biscuit,” Lolo breathed as the trooper sauntered past. “I think I broke a law and need to be cavity searched. Aggressively.”

He cleared his throat and started toward the trooper. “Officer HotBeard?” Lolo called. “I believe I’ve done something very bad, darling.”

I turned to tell Scotty I’d totally called it, but he wasn’t beside me. I glanced around, wondering where he’d gone, and saw that he was outside, juggling several of Polly’s suitcases as he tried to bring them in from the helicopter. My heart swelled. It was obvious he was jumping in to try to control the mayhem wherever he could, but as much as I appreciated it, I didn’t want him thinking it was his job to try and tame the chaos in my life. That way lay madness. I started out to help him but was met at the door by Polly.

The moment she saw me, she fell into my arms and burst into tears. I froze, unsure what to do. “Um, Polly?” I asked, tentatively patting her shoulder. “You okay?”

“No,” she wailed in my ear. “I really, really need to pee.”

It was not at all the answer I’d been expecting. “Okay, um. The bathroom’s through there.” I pointed down the hallway and she shuffled off, still sniffling.

I started again toward Scotty but Collins came tumbling through the door next. “Polly Macari! I knew that’s who it was. She’s like my favorite,” he babbled to Scotty, who trudged along behind him. I quickly reached out, taking the suitcases from Scotty and setting them on the ground.

A man I’d never seen before squeezed past us through the door. “Name’s Lee,” he said, not even bothering to stop for a proper introduction. “I’m the pilot. The bird’s grounded, so looks like I’ll be here a while. Got any snacks?” He continued to the kitchen, making himself instantly at home.

I watched him, speechless. I felt like I’d been struck by a Mack truck, my entire world spinning around from the chaos of the past few minutes. I reached for Scotty, needing the reassurance of his touch to center me. Just knowing he was within holding distance eased the panicky fluttering in my chest.

I noticed when I pulled him into a hug he was a little stiff. “You okay?” I murmured in his ear.

He didn’t answer immediately. “Yeah,” he finally said. “It’s just… a lot.”

I drew back so I could read his expression. I noticed fine lines had appeared at the corners of his eyes and his lips were pressed tightly together. He was overwhelmed. I could tell. My heart began to trip in trepidation. This was too much at once.

“It’s not always this crazy,” I told him, pressing a palm to his cheek, “I promise.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s okay, it’s just—” He hesitated, searching for the right words.

Before he could finish, his mother came strolling into the room. “Who was at the door? And was that a helicopter I heard earlier?”

“Shit,” Scotty mumbled under his breath. He pulled out of my embrace and started toward her.

I turned to follow him, determined to keep him by my side, but just then Polly burst out of the bathroom. She was still sobbing, and she made a beeline right for me. “God, Roman, I fucked up bad. Howard showed up at my brownstone in New York and told me he wants to be with me and help me raise our kid and I didn’t know what to do so I ran and I need your help fixing it.”