LOL: Laugh Out Loud (After Oscar, #2)(81)

Maybe I just had to apply the same lessons to dealing with the paparazzi. After all, if I could survive tourists in New York at Christmas, I could pretty much survive anything.

Or so I thought.





24





Roman





She Came In Like A Wrecking Ball



After breakfast I cleaned the kitchen while Scotty helped my nieces and Rosie cut snowflakes out of folded paper. Earl and Diana had snuck away somewhere, and I was happy to be able to give them a break from the girls for a little while. Plus it was fun listening to Scotty make up stories about “special snowflakes” for the girls.

“This one is missing one of its points,” he said, holding up a wilted paper snowflake. “Which is a little bit like another special snowflake we know who serves in Congress. And this one over here is extra holy like another special snowflake who runs a mega church and flies in a private airplane.”

I snorted and met his eye as I wiped down the counter. “I believe the technical term for what you’re doing is brainwashing.”

He winked at me. “You gotta turn ’em early, Spartacus. It’s the only way forward.”

Before I could respond, Nay-Nay tilted her head to the side and scrunched up her nose. “What dat noise, Uncle Scotty?”

I paused, listening. Sure enough, I felt the thump thump of something rhythmic and low through the floorboards. The beat was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.

Scotty must have heard it too. “Is that Lolo and Larry again?” he asked. “What the he… ck are they doing now?”

“I’m not sure I want to know,” I told him.

“So help me if I hear barking coming from their room again…” he grumbled.

The sound continued to grow louder, enough that the walls had begun to shake. If that was Lolo and Larry, they were having some truly epic wall-banging sex. Scotty looked at me with wide eyes, clearly sharing the same thought. “Maybe that explains why they’re still together.”

I snickered. But it was obvious by that point that the sound was coming from outside the house. I realized then what it was: a helicopter, the rhythmic beat of rotors unmistakable now.

And it was coming closer.

The girls realized what it was at the same time because they bolted out of their seats and raced across the kitchen to press their noses against the cold glass panes. Scotty and I trailed after them. “Speaking of special snowflakes,” Scotty murmured as a bright red helicopter hovered into view over the treetops.

It began to circle the open patch of ground between the house and the pond, clearly intending to land.

“What the fuh… reak?” Scotty murmured. “Who is that? Oscar?”

Lolo’s voice came from behind us. “No, darling. His helo is purple.”

“How do you know that?” Larry scoffed, following Lolo like a lost puppy. “Princess, you told me—”

“Hush, jingle bell. Don’t worry about it.”

“Then who do you think it is?” Scotty asked, ignoring the lovers.

I shook my head. “I have no idea.”

As we watched, the helicopter touched down and the rotors began to slow, coming to a stop. Beside me, Scotty grew agitated. “Should we call the cops?”

Just then Marigold came strolling into the room, Collins at her heels. She waved her glass of vodka-spiked orange juice at the windows. “Hey, did anyone else notice a helicopter just landed in the backyard?”

“No shi… itake, Sherlock,” Scotty said, wincing when one of the girls glared back at him, clearly noticing that he’d almost said a bad word.

“Any idea who it is?” Marigold asked, taking a swallow of her drink.

We all shook our heads and stared as the door swung open. Out climbed a ball of bright white skiwear topped with familiar golden-blonde strands of hair flying out from a grass-green wool hat of some kind, pulled low over her ears in a stylish way.

I recognized her instantly. “It’s Polly,” I murmured to Scotty in surprise. “What in the world is she doing here?”

As the pilot began unloading her luggage, Polly turned to look up at the house, her hand tented over her eyes, blocking out the nonexistent sun.

“Oh my god,” Collins squealed. “I recognize her! It’s the woman from that thing!” He started dancing from foot to foot, unable to control his excitement. “You know who I’m talking about,” he said, snapping his fingers at Marigold. “Fuck, what’s her name?”

“Oooooh, I’m telling Daddy you said a bad wooooord,” Sonya sang while Nay-Nay giggled.

“I should go help her in,” I said with a sigh.

Scotty touched my elbow. “You want me to come with you, or should I stay?” His eyes were full of anxiety, and I dropped an appreciative kiss on his nose. “It’s okay, no need for you to get snowed on.”

“I’ll go!” Collins shouted. He scrambled toward the French doors leading to the back patio, his drink splashing everywhere as he fumbled with the lock. The little girls skittered out of the splash zone, squealing.

Collins finally got it unlatched and stumbled outside. “Hey, Movie Lady!” he cried, the remains of his drink splashing over his hand as he slipped and slid across the ice-slicked patio. “Hey, you! I know you! Hey!”