Justice Falling (Falling #3)(69)

I held his gaze. He didn’t flinch, twitch, or anything that would lead me to believe he was lying.

“I’m not okay with this!” I shoved against his chest. He stepped back giving me the space I desperately needed. I picked up the file. “I need some time alone. Either you can leave or I can.”

Nate’s eyes widened. “Just for a time. Not forever. I won’t let you leave me forever. Not for something so bloody asinine. It was a mistake, Camille. A stupid f*cking mistake. I regret it! I didn’t know I’d fall in love with you. I didn’t know!” he roared hands in the air. Then his shoulders slumped and he took a deep breath. “Tell me you’re not leaving me?”

The wealth of sadness in his eyes almost destroyed me. “I’m not leaving you. But I need some space to think about this. To read this file alone. Do you understand?”

He nodded solemnly. “If you want me to leave, I will, but I’d rather stay here with Tanner. I can’t bear to be away from both of you right now.” His words broke me. I went to him cupped his cheek and kissed him briefly. A small touch to let him know I still loved him.

“I’ll be back later.”

“When?” His request sounded desperate, uncertain.

“When I’m ready. When I’m not so angry with you. When I have perspective again.”

“Fine. Your men will be here when you come home, waiting for you. I love you more than anything, Camille. Please don’t make this more than it is. A sodding mistake. Okay?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to respond. I needed time to think, to understand and forgive. My whole life I’d spent running. Right now, I planned on taking a step away with every intention of coming back.

With a heavy heart, I went into Tanner’s room and told him Mommy had an errand to run. Then I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and cleaned up after my vomiting spell. When I got to the living room, Nate stood with the door open, holding my coat. God, I loved him to insanity but I was angry with him.

When I walked to the front door, he pulled me to him and covered my lips with his own. He didn’t allow me to pull away. Instead he dove deep with his tongue, pressed our bodies together tightly and kissed the daylights out of me. My entire body filled with light, connected to his. Without him, life was dark. In his arms, the sun shone so bright I needed shades. He patched all the doubt, worry, and concern I had about his love, his intentions with one simple kiss. I pulled away.

“I love you, Nate. I will come home. I just need a little time.”

“Take the time you need just…come back.” His soft blue eyes were bursting with sadness. “I love you.”

“I love you more. I’ll be home soon.” I turned and left.

Instead of hailing a cab, I decided to walk the streets of New York until I came upon Central Park. There I sat on a bench and looked out over the wide expanse of green. It was a lovely spring day in the City. There were people playing catch, throwing a Frisbee, and walking their tiny dogs. Most were pint sized. You didn’t see a lot of big dogs in New York. If we got a dog we’d get a dog. A large one, like Butch, Hank and Aspen’s dog.

After spending a few minutes talking myself down and taking in the scenery, I pulled out the file.

Nate said he didn’t read it and I believed him. I had to. What was a relationship without trust? Besides, we’d survived bigger betrayals than this. My stripping for example, and keeping Tanner a secret. Those were pretty large secrets and Nate had been hurt. We’d survived those trials and tribulations and come out on top. We’d get past this one too.

I looked down at my left hand. The huge reminder of Nate’s love sparkled and glowed on my finger.

Nate loved me. I knew it with my whole heart. I was not going to let his stupid mistake take our happiness away from us. What was done was done. Re-living my childhood through a variety of medical reports and social worker comments wasn’t pleasant but it was my past. It wasn’t possible to change it. I needed to get over my childhood and start anew.

My life now was far removed from the broken orphan I was. I had a job, was going to school, had a beautiful son and a man who loved me for me. The future was now and I was happier than I’d ever been.

With a renewed confidence, I opened the file, and flipped to the last few pages. One was my hospital stay when I gave birth to Tanner and a copy of his birth certificate.

The last two documents were an absolute shock. My birth certificate with my real parents’ names filled in, not blacked out.

I held my breath as I read my mother’s name.

Name: Constance Camille Johnston. Age: 19, Status: Deceased

My mother had died the same day I was born. I flipped the page and saw another certificate. It was her death certificate. Cause of death: Complications during childbirth.

A tear dropped onto the sheet. I hadn’t realized I was crying. My mother, just a year older than I was when I had Tanner, had died giving birth to me. My father, or someone, had given me her name. It gave me a warm feeling knowing I shared a name with her. A picture of her driver’s license was attached to the report. Her long brown hair was wavy like mine and parted down the middle. Her eyes were hazel but it was hard to see in the small picture. Her smile was mine, big and toothy. She was beautiful.

I took a deep breath and wondered what it would have been like to have been raised by this woman. What was her life like? Her family? Anything? I read her death certificate and found the names of my grandparents. Both were listed as deceased. My shoulders slumped.