It's All Relative(111)

Jessie begged the water in her eyes not to fall; she didn’t want to cry again. “I know,” she told him. He nodded and looked down again, and once again the room swam with quiet tension. “Are you leaving?” Jessie whispered into the stillness. One tear disobeyed her. Traveling down her cheek, it dripped to the floor with a heavy splash.

Kai glanced at her glistening cheek before returning his gaze to her eyes. He seemed torn, like he wanted to sweep her into his arms, but also wanted to keep his distance. Swallowing, he looked between her and the door she was leaning against. “Is that why you rushed here? You thought I’d come home, get my stuff, and head back to Hawaii…today?”

Closing her eyes, Jessie nodded. She felt him take a step toward her, heard his shoes move across the linoleum. “Jessie, I would never leave here without…saying goodbye first.”

When she opened her eyes, he was standing a few steps in front of her, his arms loose at his sides. Jessie couldn’t help but note that he hadn’t said he wouldn’t leave. “But you are, aren’t you? You’re leaving Denver?”

He looked down again, and Jessie saw a tear fall from his eyes to land on his jeans. Jessie’s stomach wrenched. “Not today…” he whispered.

She took a step toward him. “Kai…”

His hand came out to stop her from getting any closer. “I can’t be around you, Jessie. I thought it would get easier…but it’s only gotten worse.” He looked up at her, telltale tracks on his cheeks. “The more I get to know you, the more I want you. You’re perfect for me. Take away the fact that we’re family, and you’re perfect for me.” He shook his head. “And I think that’s what really kills me. You’re everything I could have asked for…and I can’t have you.”

Kai lips compressed as he struggled to not lose control, to not breakdown. Jessie nodded. “I know. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. The hand trembled, along with his voice. “I thought that we could get through this…attraction together, but it’s gone so far beyond that now, I don’t think it’s even possible to work through it.”

Jessie stepped forward. Standing a foot away, she reached out and swiped her thumb under his tired eyes, drying the tear marks. He let out a soft exhale as he leaned into her touch. “What are you saying, Kai?”

His eyes slowly opened, and a new tear ran over Jessie’s thumb. “We need…space, Jessie.” Reaching up, he grabbed her hand and pulled it away from his skin. His words mixed with his action in an ominous way that caught Jessie’s breath. As his tropical eyes searched hers, he whispered, “We tried just being family, we tried placing another person between us, and we even tried not seeing each other.” He shook his head as Jessie felt her own tears freely falling down her skin. His sad eyes watched them as he continued. “And all that did…all that lead to was the two of us…”

Stopping, he bit his lip. Jessie flushed as thoughts of their last encounter ran through her mind again. His eyes flicked over her face. “Even now, I want to hold you, I want to kiss you, and I want to tell you that I…I…” He stopped again and sighed. “And I can’t. I shouldn’t. Because this is wrong.”

He released her hand still in his, and took a step away from her. “If we stay in the same city…if we stay around each other at all, it’s going to happen again. Our lives are too connected. With Gran, with your friends…the world is too small.” Kai averted his eyes, like he couldn’t bear to look at her directly while he was breaking her heart. “I can’t do this. I can’t hurt my family like that. I can’t let you hurt our family like that. As much as I want you, as much as I need you, this is wrong, Jessie. It’s twisted and sick and…” he looked back at her, his eyes hurt, tired, and apologetic, “…and I can’t stop thinking about you. So…for now…I need to go home.”

Jessie felt her chest constrict. She couldn’t breathe. Somehow, she managed to croak out, “Will you come back?”

Another tear fell from his eye as he shrugged. “I don’t know.”

She nodded, feeling dizzy. Not knowing how she’d survive the pain just starting to eat a hole through her stomach, she muttered, “If not today, when will you leave?”

Kai sighed, and his hand started to reach out to her before dropping back to his side. “I need to let work know that I’ve had a change of heart. I thought I’d give them two weeks, starting tomorrow…”

Jessie found herself stepping back, running into the door. She was grateful for its hard, unforgiving shape; it was the only thing keeping her upright. Two weeks? That was all the time she had left with the love of her life?

Her hands lifted to her cheeks as she struggled with the simple act of standing and breathing. Who knew that things she’d been doing since infancy, could suddenly become so hard? But the pain she felt was so much worse than any other pain a boy had given her. It made the crushing blow of discovering Jeremy’s betrayal seem like a pleasant experience in comparison. And it was ten times worse, because she knew he was right. She couldn’t be angry with Kai, because he was doing the right thing. If he stayed in Denver, even if they tried to never see each other, life would find a way to cross their paths, and they would cave again. They loved each other too much to resist the pull. She was positive of that now, and so was Kai. That was why he was breaking his own heart to put himself as far away from her as possible, and Jessie knew that she had to let him leave. They shouldn’t be together. They couldn’t be together. Even still, she had no idea how to be apart from him either.