International Player(47)

“Yeah, I just finished my beer,” I said getting to my feet. Now that I was here, there was no way I was leaving before Truly.

Not while Lev was still here, drool dripping from his chin.

But much as I hated to admit it, Lev was just one man in a city of millions. I couldn’t stand between Truly and all of them. I’d not heard any more about her dating, and I’d assumed I was the only man in her life. Maybe I was wrong.





Twenty-Six





Truly


I caught my reflection in the hallway mirror and relaxed my face, trying to become expressionless before Abigail saw me and pounced on my dark mood. I padded up the stairs toward my sister’s bedroom. I wanted comfort, reassurance of some kind. I missed my mother most when dark clouds gathered above me. Instead of comfort and understanding, now she only elicited worry and sadness as she slipped further and further away from us into the arms of dementia. Abigail was my only family now.

If I’d known Noah would be here, I wouldn’t have come. Seeing him was always my weakness, and I needed some space and distance. Casual meant uncomplicated sex and him leaving afterward. It didn’t mean seeing each other every night or texts throughout the day. And it definitely didn’t mean brunch. If I’d just followed my instincts and stayed home on Sunday, I wouldn’t have these shadows of disappointment hovering over me.

“Truly,” Abigail said as I put my head around the door.

“Time for a hug?” I asked.

She coaxed me forward with a flap of her hand. “Always. What’s up?”

I crawled onto the bed next to her. “I hope you’re washing these sheets regularly. I never see you out of them.”

“Every other day. I’m driving Rob bananas making him change the bedding so much.”

I tucked into the crook of her arm. “I’m sure he’s only pretending you drive him nuts. He loves looking after you.”

“Oh, there’s no doubt he adores me. Doesn’t mean I don’t irritate the shit out of him.”

I giggled. “You might irritate each other, but you both like being married, right?”

My head rose and fell as she took in a deep breath. “Yes of course. We were so young when we met, but I still really fancy him. Part of it is that I know he’d do anything for me. That loyalty is . . .”

“Unusual,” I finished for her.

“Yeah. He puts me first, you know?”

“Because you’re so special.”

She tightened her grip. “Anyway, why are you asking questions about me and Rob? What’s up with you? You seem a bit down.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about what you were saying about my life being one-dimensional. I’m usually so focused on the foundation because what we do is important, but maybe you’re right. Maybe there’s more out there for me.” What I left out was that during the few weeks Noah and I had been sleeping together, something had changed in me. Given me permission to want more. Instead of being focused on today and what was right in front of me, I’d kinda looked up and around and wondered what was down the road. I knew it could never be Noah, but for the first time in a long time, I wanted something more than the foundation. “But I’m not sure how to do that,” I continued. “How to make room.”

“You make room for me and Rob, so you know how to do it when you want to.”

Somehow I’d found time to spend with Noah, even if it was around the edges of the rest of my life. “That’s true. It’s easy not to think about it though because . . . it’s scary, you know?”

“What is?”

“Spending your time on things, not knowing whether or not it’s worth it. Or if you’ll be good at something.” It wasn’t just speeches that were out of my comfort zone. Relationships were too.

“Sometimes you can just have fun, you know. You don’t have to make every minute count.”

“I’m not sure I’m good at doing things just for fun.”

“Not even sex?”

“Does that count? It’s a really good calorie burner—and exercise is important!”

Abigail laughed and then whispered, “Not the way I’m doing it at the moment. I just lie here like a sack of potatoes.”

“Poor Rob.”

“What I’m saying is that not everything in life has to have meaning—it’s not like that. Nobody lives like that. Most of the time Rob and I are dealing with domestic, boring stuff.”

“But you’re each other’s family. It’s different.”

“But how do you find someone who might become your family without trying different people out and just doing the fun bits together?”

“So, you’re saying you’re in favor of what? Drugs? Casual sex?” I was pretty sure she wouldn’t approve of me having casual sex with Noah.

Abigail giggled. “Yes, casual sex is fun. I’m totally on board with that. But I’m also in favor of you dating someone who might become part of our family one day. Someone who will worship you like Rob does me. Someone who thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and can’t wait to get home to see you every night. But you have to meet men to see if any of them measure up.”