If I Only Knew(20)

When I say the last word, a sob rips from my chest and I begin to cry.

Although, it’s not that silent tear kind of cry. It’s the loud, obnoxious, snot streaming kind of cry.

Milo’s arms wrap around me and he holds me to his chest. I grip his lapels and clench, losing control.

“I can’t!” I shake, but Milo tightens his hold. “I can’t go today. I’m not strong enough.”

“Today?” he asks.

“The trial,” I barely get out before the next round of hysteria breaks free.

Milo guides me to the couch and sits me down, and then presses my head to his chest. I don’t think, I take the comfort he offers. I’m too broken to care who is helping. I’m too far out in the sea of grief to swim back to shore.

I lost everything and now I have to feel it all over again.

I want to kill that man myself.

I want his family to know the agony he inflicted on mine.

I want Peter to walk through the door again, but I know that will never, ever happen.

I rub my face against Milo’s chest and the scent of his woodsy cologne fills me. Then it hits me. I’m . . . sobbing . . . on Milo.

My assistant who wants my job.

The pain in my ass who’s planning to get me kicked out of this office.

“Oh God!” I lift my head, covering my face with my hands. “I’m so sorry.”

“Not another word,” he commands. “Is your husband’s trial today?”

I nod, a new wave of embarrassment hitting me. “Look, I don’t know what just happened. I lost it.” I wipe under my eyes and release a heavy breath.

“You’ve been holding that in a while, I presume?”

“I guess so.”

Milo nods slowly. “I had the best assistant when we were in London. She was smart, funny, put me in my place on more than one occasion. She was there when my dog died, and she was of great comfort. Anyway, her job was so much more than just assisting me in work.”

I look to him, wondering what the hell he’s talking about. “Not sure where you’re going with this . . .”

“I’m not either,” he admits.

“Glad we cleared that up,” I say attempting to joke.

Milo doesn’t laugh though. “My point is . . . that while I’m stuck in this position, I’m here to help.”

“Help?”

“Yes.”

I study him warily. “Help how?”

He huffs. “I don’t know, but I’m trying to be nice.”

And he is being nice. “I appreciate that,” I say.

“Are you better now?” Milo’s emerald eyes watch me as though I’m a wounded animal. Which, maybe I am. Peter’s death had me at extremes. I was either a broken dove who couldn’t fly or I was a tiger, ripping people’s throats out. I’ve not found the middle, and it’s wearing on me.

“I think I’m going to be.” I place my hand on his arm. “Thank you.”

“Happy to help.”

“You know, you make a great assistant,” I tease.

I wait for the indignation and disgust, but instead, he looks at me with a mix of awe and wonder. Something, I don’t know what, is different right now. He seems a little kinder, non-threatening, which is a bad thing. It’s scary to be honest.

“Why are you here today?” A deep voice breaks the moment.

“Callum,” I say, getting to my feet.

He looks at Milo and then me with a wry smile. “You’re off for the day, Danielle. I implicitly told you to be with your family. It’s where you need to be.”

“You didn’t tell Nicole, right?”

“No, I hoped you would by now.” He sighs, placing his hands in his pockets. “I realize this is a bizarre situation, but she loves you and wants to be there for you.”

“I know, but I’m not ready.”

Callum’s eyes fill with empathy. “I understand, just know we’re all here to help.”

Milo clears his throat. “I hate to break up the party, but someone should do some work in this place.”

“Are you implying Danielle doesn’t?” Callum challenges him.

I wait, my heart pounding in my chest. Here’s a chance for Milo to sell me out or tell him about the screw up I had with the survey. His eyes meet mine and then move back to his brother.

“No,” Milo says with conviction. “You found a great replacement for me, brother.”

Callum’s eyes blink in surprise. “Well, that was very grown up of you.”

I see Milo’s hand open and close, but he doesn’t reply.

Now it’s my turn to do for him what he did for me. “You know, Callum, Milo has been a real asset.” I turn to look at him with a smile. “He found an error on the survey, fixed it, and it saved the company a bit of money we’d have lost had it gone through.”

Callum shakes his head and pushes off the doorframe. “So, he did his job? Great news. I guess there’s a first for everything.”

I want to defend him, but Milo grips my wrist. “It’s fine, he made up his mind about me a long time ago.”

“Some patterns are hard to break,” Callum rebukes and then walks out the door.