I'm Fine and Neither Are You(75)

“Don’t get too comfortable,” I warned, and he laughed.

When we went downstairs, Miles was sitting at the table, dressed in his pajamas. He was watching us with a worried expression on his face.

“Sweetie, what is it?” I asked.

His bottom lip popped out. “If Daddy’s working away from home, who will get me if I’m sick?” The kids had started school the day before, as had Cecily. I’d hoped to catch Matt at drop-off that morning, but he had hustled in the opposite direction before I could even manage a wave.

“Do you feel sick?” I asked Miles.

“No.”

“Good. But if you did get sick, the school has Daddy’s cell phone number and mine, too. He can leave. I can also come get you, you know.”

Miles pushed his empty cereal bowl toward the center of the table. “Cookie told Grandpa Arjun that you’re glued to your desk.”

“She said that, did she?” I looked at Sanjay, who made an exaggerated grimace. “I hope you know that’s not true.”

“How could Mommy work if she was stuck to her desk?” said Stevie, looking up from a book.

“I’m pretty sure Cookie was implying that Mommy works too much,” I told them. “But I’ve been working less these days.”

“Is that why Daddy’s going to work now?” said Stevie.

“No,” I said at the same time Sanjay said, “Yes.”

“Sort of,” I conceded. “But you’re big kids now. You’re in school all day, and things are changing a little for our family.”

“Like things changed for Cecily?” said Miles quietly.

His comment shredded me. “No, sweetheart, not at all like that,” I told him. “I can’t promise nothing bad will ever happen to Mommy or Daddy, but I don’t think you need to worry about us dying.” I would have to find some wood to knock on, and maybe say a prayer before crossing the street. All the same, there was no need to prime my children to be paranoid—not when I was perfectly happy to fret for all of us. “Listen, you two, it’s Daddy’s first day and we all need to get moving. We’ll talk more about this later, okay?”

Miles’ worries were fast forgotten. “Since it’s Daddy’s first day, can we get ice cream tonight?” he said, giving me his best puppy-dog eyes.

“Please?” Stevie chimed in. “Because you went to New York and didn’t even bring us a gift?”

“I never promised to bring gifts, but be good this morning and we’ll think about it, okay?”

I’d forgotten that translated as “yes,” and they nearly knocked me over hugging me. “You enormous children,” I said, kissing each of their heads. “It’s a good thing I love you way too much.”

“What about your husband?” said Sanjay with mock indignation.

I walked over and kissed him. “I love you the exact right amount,” I said. “Break a leg today.”



When I arrived at work, I opened an email Yolanda had sent me at six that morning. She wanted me to come to her office as soon as I got in, which was completely nerve-wracking. Wasn’t that what happened to people who were about to be fired? I told myself to stay cool, but my stomach knotted at the thought of losing my job the same day my husband started his. We still had no idea if his job would work out, and his salary alone couldn’t support us.

She was at her desk, swiveled sideways in her chair; her long legs were twisted around each other. “Did you enjoy your time off?” she said.

“I did,” I said. My voice warbled, so I swallowed before adding, “I haven’t been to New York in a long time, and it was good to be back.”

“I find traveling opens my mind in a way that doesn’t happen at home or in the office.”

“I agree with that.”

“Now that you’ve had a chance to think, I’d like to ask: Are you planning to stay in development?”

Was this a segue to her firing me? Or as Russ had suggested, did she think I was going to quit? I sat up a little straighter in my chair. “I have no plans to leave.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” She clasped her hands and leaned forward. “Because as it happens, I do.”

“You’re . . . leaving?”

I had never seen her smile so wide. “I accepted the top development position at UCLA’s school of medicine.”

“Wow. Congratulations, Yolanda. They’ll be lucky to have you.” I meant it, even if I wondered why she had scheduled a one-on-one meeting to tell me this.

Yolanda being Yolanda, she had already anticipated my next mental step. She tilted her head and regarded me. “I wanted to meet with you privately so I could ask you about applying for my position.”

I couldn’t hide my surprise. “Really?”

“Yes. In the interest of transparency, I encouraged Russell to apply, too. But Dean Willis and I both think you have a lot of potential.”

“I’m incredibly flattered . . . but I’m also flabbergasted,” I admitted. “I thought you were disappointed in me for asking for time off.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “No, I said there were procedures to be followed.”

“But you’ve also expressed concern about my work over the past few months.”