I Want You Back (Want You #1)(68)

But Jax wasn’t just my ex. He was a Lund, and I had to tread carefully on what I shared. I’d never been the type of girl who confessed all, but there were times when I wanted someone to listen and assure me that I wasn’t: a) neurotic b) crazy c) an idiot d) all three.

While Lindsey had been great the past couple of years after she’d returned to the Cities, sometimes I sensed impatience that she was the only person in my life that I could be brutally honest with.

My mood must’ve been apparent, because three of my coworkers asked me if I was all right.

Then just before lunch, Annika—aka the big boss—called me into her office.

I didn’t think anything of it, since I had meetings with her whenever we started a new campaign. But our next big PR push wasn’t for a few weeks. I’d been waiting for text from the Ad department and had brought up the issue with Lennox, my direct boss, so she could light a fire under their asses and my ass was covered.

After we’d settled in the lounge area of her office, Annika said, “You’re distracted today.”

How had she picked up on that so fast? “A little. But it’ll pass.”

She didn’t look convinced.

Since she was fishing, I said nothing, just took a sip of my soda.

“No bullshit. What’s going on with you and Jax?”

I choked on my Diet Pepsi.

“Aha! I knew it. A spit-take is a dead giveaway. Start talking.”

“Is that an official request from the head of PR to a junior-level graphic artist?” I said with an edge to my tone.

That gave her pause. “No, Lucy, it’s a request from one family member to another.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, Annika, but I’m not part of your family. Obviously Mimi is, but up until Jax moved back here six months ago, my contact with the other branches of the Lund family outside of work has been limited.”

“You’re saying I’m your boss, not your friend?”

I looked her in the eye and said, “Yes.”

Her crafty smile . . . I’d seen that same type on Jax’s face many times in the past month, and I braced myself.

“Fair enough. But just for a moment, let’s pretend that our connection is more than merely employer and employee. Let’s pretend that I didn’t spend an hour on the phone with my cousin Jaxson, listening to him outline a possible freelance PR project. And I’ll pretend that he didn’t mention your name, oh, at least fifty times during that conversation.”

“I’m not surprised he finally called you. I told Jax that you were the go-to person on his PR needs for the relaunches of both bars. I specifically told him that I wasn’t qualified—”

“Hold up. I’m serious, Lucy, this is not about LI or freelance work. I asked what was going on because Jax mentioned the two of you being at Mimi’s hockey practice, then about your family dinner last night as well as the excellent eye you had for color and how you’d helped him pick wall colors for his new apartment—an apartment that I just found out is in your building, a building he now owns. Add to that, I saw how you two were at brunch on Sunday and the football game the week before that, so convince me this is merely Mimi’s parents learning to get along for her sake.”

Rather than playing it off as if she had misinterpreted everything, I blurted out, “I don’t know what the hell is going on between me and Jax, okay?”

“Finally the truth.”

“For as much good as it will do you,” I muttered.

Annika leaned forward. “I recognize that look. The one that says you need to talk but you have no one to talk to.”

I must’ve appeared taken aback by her dead-on assessment, because she laughed.

“I’ve been there. Actually I was in that situation for six months with Axl, when we were together but had to keep it under wraps.” Unconsciously her fingers sought the necklace with the diamond-encrusted letter A that hung above her cleavage. “Although my issue wasn’t questioning how I felt about him. I knew I loved him. I think you’re in that questioning-your-feelings stage, aren’t you?”

“Yes. It doesn’t get any clearer even when I can break everything down, piece by piece: my fears, my hopes, my happiness.”

“Happiness?”

“Happiness that the Jax I knew before and fell for has reemerged. Only he’s better, which is both awesome and it sucks because it immediately kicks in my doubts that he could’ve changed that much, become that much better of a man. So one moment I’m good with how I feel and the next I’m like . . . inconsistent much?”

Annika didn’t say anything.

“Jax’s subtle ways of letting me know he wants more have gotten less subtle. He hasn’t given me more than a peck on the mouth, but the ways he’s reminded me of the intimacy we used to have, and could have again, have been more effective and powerful than if he would’ve stripped me bare and fucked me senseless.” The instant that left my mouth I wished I could take it back . . . because hello? I was blabbing about my sex life to my boss.

Former sex life, my libido piped up snarkily.

“Sorry, Annika, that was—”

“Honest and a relief to admit, I imagine.”

I nodded.

“Don’t apologize. Right now, regardless of your mistaken assumption, I am your friend, not your boss. And nothing you tell me will ever leave this room.”