I Married a Billionaire: Lost and Found(28)

He shrugged, smiling a little. "I wouldn't necessarily expect you to," he said. "But thank you. That's very nice of you to say."

"Well, I'm glad you appreciate it, at least." I sighed again, twisting my neck a little until I heard a pop. I rubbed my shoulder, feeling the muscles stiff and tightly knotted underneath my fingers. "I just…I really could have done without hearing from him today."

"He probably does want to help you," Daniel said, quietly. "I know that's not necessarily what you want to hear, but…he loves you, I'm sure he does, even if he doesn't understand. He doesn't want to show empathy because he's afraid you're going to get hurt if he doesn't point you on the right path. Or what he thinks is the right path, at any rate."

"I know," I said. "Really, I do, it's just…you'd think, after all these years, he'd have some kind of faith in my ability to manage my own life. Make my own decisions, from time to time. You know?"

"I'm sure it's very hard for him," said Daniel. He was looking out the window, at the birds sitting on the windowsill. "He doesn't ever want to feel like he's failed you, but he doesn't understand what you need from him."

"I try to tell him. He doesn't want to hear it."

"I know." Daniel took a deep breath, stretching his arms out in front of him. "My father was from the same generation as yours. They have a different perspective on raising children, I think. They wanted to mold us to their idea of what a person should be, rather than taking any kind of cues from who we might seem to want to be. They want to control our lives because they feel we're not capable. My dad…I mean, before he went on that fishing trip that he never came back from, my dad was always giving me unsolicited advice.

“It didn't matter that I was obviously doing just fine on my own. It didn't matter how successful I was being. It was always just pure dumb luck. There was always some better way I could be doing it, if only I put a little more thought into it. If only I could be more like him. Never mind that he was an intermittently employed heating and air conditioning specialist, and I'm….well, who I am. He always thought it was all just ridiculous nonsense that didn't mean anything. He was convinced it would come falling down around my ears at any moment, if I didn't follow his advice."

"Well," I said. "I guess I'm glad mine's not the only one. But I wish he'd been easier to get along with."

Daniel shrugged. "It was what it was," he said. "I've done just fine without him. But if you expect me to tell you that because my father's gone now you should make more of an effort to get along with yours, don't worry. I know how impossible it is. Looking back, of course I wish things could have been different, but I also realize there's absolutely nothing I could have done to change the way he was. Nobody wants to listen to their own kid tell them how they should conduct themselves, no matter who that kid might be in the grand scheme of things."

I smiled. "You were always still the baby in diapers who used to spit up all over him."

"Exactly."

"I guess it makes sense," I said, "but would it be so hard for him to just say something nice?"

"He doesn't want to be too soft on you," said Daniel. "As ridiculous as that sounds."

"It does," I said. "It does sound pretty ridiculous."

"Are you all right?" He reached over and pushed my hair back from my forehead, letting his fingers drift through my hair. I smiled at him.

"I am now," I said. "Thanks."

"I'm sorry about the other day," he said. "I was mad at the blog, not at you."

"I know." I looked down at the counter. What was I supposed to say? It's okay? It wasn't okay. Nothing was okay, but that wasn't necessarily his fault.

He started talking again after a few moments of silence. "It just…it's infuriating, how little control you have over your image. I was just starting to learn - I was just starting to get a handle on it. I thought I'd figured it out, you know - and then something like this happens and suddenly they're saying things about me - about you - and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. This is exactly the kind of thing I didn't want happening to someone like you."

"Someone like me?" I shifted in my seat. I was almost afraid to say too much, like I'd somehow break whatever spell had suddenly inspired him to actually start talking to me.

"You know." He gestured vaguely. "Just…separate from all of this, somebody who never would have found themselves stalked by paparazzi if it hadn't been for me."

I laughed. "You don't know that," I said, feigning offense. "I'll have you know I could have been a famous socialite someday without your help, if I wanted to."

"Sure," said Daniel. "And who wouldn't want all that?"

"I won't be happy until I'm featured on the cover of a Celebrities Without Their Makeup exposé, I'll have you know."

He chuckled, standing up and pulling me against him in a tight hug.

"I've missed talking to you," I said, muffled against his chest.

"I know," he said.

I wanted to say: if you know, why don't you just make more of an effort to talk to me?