Hush (Black Lotus #3)(65)

As I walk out of the bedroom, I notice the two of them standing off by the door talking in hushed tones with one another.

“What are you two talking about?” I announce as I approach, and when Declan turns to me, I hold his coat out and wait for his answer.

“You, of course.”

I narrow my eyes at him in mock annoyance and then laugh when he kisses me.

“I don’t have a whole lot of time before I have to leave, so why don’t we take two cars for time’s sake, and I’ll just leave from the beach?”

“Not a problem, Steve. We’ll just follow you there.”

The drive is a short one, and pretty soon, we’re driving among fresh blooming buds of spring. The sky may be dank and gray, but the pink cherry blossoms make the gloom beautiful. I press my hand on to the window, absorbing its bitter chill as Declan pulls into a parking spot that looks over the desolate beach.

My dad opens his door next to our car, and when he opens my door and takes my hand, Declan says, “I’ll wait here.”

I look over my shoulder. “You sure?”

“I need to make a few calls,” he says. “Go share a walk with your dad.”

Hand in hand we walk over the mounds of driftwood on the beach and down to the water’s edge. The wind gusts, creating a mist of sea spray that mingles with the cloud’s sprinkles that fall from the sky. I reach back with my free hand and pop the hood of my raincoat over my head as we stroll leisurely across the dense, water-puddled sand.

“Is this where you came when you left prison or have you lived other places?”

“Only here. I love it. The mountains, the water, the gray. I love the cold.”

“I do too. Winter has always been my favorite for some reason. Maybe it’s because it hides the truth of Earth’s death under a blanket of false purity.”

“False purity?”

“The white fluffy snow seems so innocent, but in actuality, it’s the weapon that kills what lies beneath.”

He looks down at me, asking with slight humor, “You always think this much?”

“Sometimes.”

“I do too.”

I stop and turn to face him, and the wind kicks against us when I ask, “What about?”

“You, mostly.”

He drapes his arm around me, tucking me against his side as we look out over the water.

With his eyes cast out, he says, “I’ve always had a lost soul.”

We don’t look at each other as we speak, my arm now slung around his waist.

“Me too.”

“Sometimes when I see a little girl with red hair, for a split second, I feel hopeful that it’s you, but then I realize that you wouldn’t be that little girl anymore.”

“I used to sneak out of windows in the middle of the night when I went into foster care. You told me about Carnegie the last day we were together. I used to think that if I walked far enough to find a forest, you’d be there.”

My tears blend with the mist that collects on my face and trickles down my cheeks as we speak.

He turns to me, his hands running down my arms, and his eyes fill with years of inconsolable pain that I know too well.

“I am so sorry, princess. I have so many regrets in my life, but none bigger than losing you.”

I see his tears too.

“I was careless.”

“No, Dad.”

“I was. I should’ve never gotten involved with the people I worked for.”

I look into my father’s reddened eyes as blades nick my heartstrings.

“I will never be able to make up for all my wrongs, for leaving you fatherless, for causing you so much heartache,” he chokes out in shame.

“I don’t blame you, Dad.”

“You should.”

“But I don’t,” I tell him, and he pulls me into his loving arms that I’ve craved since I was five years old. “All I ever wanted was this. You holding me. I’ve needed your arms so badly,” I say, the words wrapping around my throat, making it hard to speak.

“I need you to listen to me,” he says insistently, and I look up at him. “I need you to know how much I love you. I need you to know that without you, my heart is incapable of ever being complete. You . . . you are the very fibers of my being.”

I rest my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat as he continues, “I remember the day you were born. The nurse placed you in my arms, and I was forever changed. You softened my heart instantly, and I knew I would never be the same. I’ve never been so in love like I’ve been with you. I need you to never forget that.”

“I won’t.”

“Let me look at you,” he requests when he takes my face and cranes it up to him. He shakes his head, saying, “I just can’t believe how beautiful you are. My baby, you’re all grown up.”

Reaching my hand up, I run it along his jaw where his beard used to be. “I can’t believe I found you.”

“You did. And I will forever be thankful for that. To see you, and to know you’re okay.”

He leans down, pushes the hood of my raincoat back, and kisses the top of my head. His back shudders against my hands in sadness as he continues to plant kisses in my hair.

“You and I,” he eventually says. “We’re unbreakable even when we’ve been broken.”