How to Save a Life(67)

But Evan came awake before I could move. I felt him raise his head, his body suddenly tense, and tight. Alert.

“What is it?” I asked.

He didn’t reply, but disentangled himself from me and went to the window. From where I lay, it was dark and silent outside, but I saw Evan’s shoulder muscles tense and his hands clench and unclench.

“Evan?”

He turned from the window, picked up his boxers and jeans from the floor and pulled them on. “I have to go.”

My heart clanged dully against my ribs. “What do you mean, you have to go? Go where?” I turned on the lamp and looked at the digital clock on the bedside table. “It’s two in the morning.”

He put on a t-shirt then, sat on the edge of the bed and yanked his boots on. “Listen to me, Jo,” he said. “There’s a bus stop on the corner. You can see it from the window. If I’m not back in three hours, you need to take that bus east. Get off at the truck stop on the edge of town by Route 412.”

“I need to what?” Dread settled into my gut, choking my air.

“The truck stop has a diner. Get a table and wait for me.”

“Wait for you? And where the hell will you be? No, don’t answer. Fuck that, I’m coming with you.” I threw off the covers and looked around for my clothes.

Evan strode to me and took hold of my shoulders. “You have to do as I say, Jo. Promise me.”

“No,” I thrust him away. “No promises until you tell me what’s happening.”

“I think it was the toll road. I think my truck got flagged when I paid the toll coming off the highway.”

“You think or you know? Evan, quit f*cking around and—”

He took my face in his hands, his eyes boring into mine with an intensity I’d never seen before. “I’m not f*cking around. You stay here until five. If I’m not back by then, you get to that diner and you wait for me there. Promise me.”

A thousand different ways of saying no flooded me, but I only stood mute as he shrugged on his jean jacket, put on a baseball cap and grabbed his keys from the table. I stared as he pulled out his wallet and threw what looked like a couple hundred dollars in cash on the bed.

“Bus fare and anything else.”

“Evan.”

He came to me, tucking his wallet in his back pocket. His hands went around the back of my neck, his thumbs under my chin. “Five o’clock, Jo. Not a minute later. All right?”

I nodded, unable to speak. He crushed his lips to mine in a hard, bruising kiss. I clutched at his arms to keep him there, but he tore away and was gone.

I stared at the empty room that seemed even emptier without him. The sheets were tangled on the bed where we’d made love. Evan had been there with me, and now…I shivered.

Waiting and doing nothing felt wrong and useless. I dressed, then packed up our belongings into his large duffel and my smaller one. As I stuffed the cash into my bag, I thought I could hear Lee’s voice:

He f*cked you and left you some money…

I silenced the insidious thought and started pacing. I peeked out the window but the night was dark. Here, at the edge of the city, at this late hour, few cars passed by the motel. No flashing police lights that told me it was over. Just…nothing.

The minutes added up so slowly, I thought I’d be insane by five o’clock. It finally arrived and no Evan.

5:01





5:03


For the last three hours, time had crawled, and now I felt it racing out from under me.





5:05


This was too much like the night of our high school prom.

At six minutes after five I gathered up our bags, my hands shaking so bad I could hardly grip them. I put them down again. I couldn’t do it. Not yet, I thought. A few more minutes. I’ll give him a few more minutes.

At ten after, I battled through the paralyzing fear to keep my promise. I went to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. The water was bracing and I pulled in deep breaths as I stared at my reflection. You can do this, I told the girl in the mirror. You promised him.

A key rattled in the door. The door opened.

I froze.

“Jo…?”

My heart stopped, then took off at a gallop. I tore out of the bathroom, my eyes falling on the clock. Eleven minutes after five.

Evan was out of breath, his hair falling over his face. He brushed it back and relief softened his frantic expression. Then it hardened into something pained and scared and beautiful.

“You’re late,” I whispered.

He strode to me in four long steps and gripped my shoulders. “You should’ve left at five. I told you if I didn’t come back—”

“No!” I cried. “There is no you not coming back. You have to come back to me.” Tears flooded my eyes, choked my throat. “You always have to come back to me, Evan. Do you hear?”

He hauled me to him, crushing me against the solid strength of his body.

“Promise me,” I whispered against his shoulder. "Swear it. Swear you’ll always come back to me.”

“I swear,” he said, holding me tight, melting against me. “I swear, Jo. I will always come back to you.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me, opening my mouth to his kiss, taking him in as deeply as I could. I had my own premonition then, one that felt as powerful and real as anything Evan might experience: I was meant to kiss him and only him for the rest of my life.