Hothouse Flower (Addicted #4)(15)

“How old were these guys?” he asks.

“Only a few years older than me. I mean, I’ve dated guys in their late twenties, but we couldn’t have sex. I wasn’t eighteen yet.” And I wasn’t about to break the law and have a guy thrown in jail for sleeping with me.

“I’ve met most of the older guys you’ve dated,” he reminds me. “They were complete f*cking morons by the way.”

“They weren’t that bad.”

“Julian?” he says. “You think he was better than a f*cking rat?”

“Connor called him an ape.”

“Connor gave him too much f*cking credit.”

“Connor also called you a dog,” I say with a crinkled nose. “Do you think I’m the cat to your dog or am I like a squirrel?”

“How’d we get to this place?” he asks like this is the stupidest ‘f*cking’ conversation.

“I’m a hamster, aren’t I?” I stick out my bottom lip.

“You’re not a f*cking hamster.” He rolls his eyes and runs his hand through his hair. I don’t think he realizes how hot he is when he does that. “You’re a bird.”

“A bird.”

“Yeah a f*cking bird that won’t stop flying or squawking.”

“Like an eagle?”

“You’re prettier than an eagle.” He rolls his eyes again. “Fuck.”

“You called me pretty.” I poke his chest, my smile overtaking my face.

He stares at me hard. “Julian,” he finds the beginning of our conversation. “You still like him? Because if you do, we need to have a heavy f*cking talk.”

I shake my head quickly. “No, I don’t like him.”

Julian actually really scared me. He went on a trip to the Alps with all of us. I didn’t realize how in over my head I was until I tried to break up with him, and he wouldn’t listen to me, as if I was too young to really understand. Maybe I was. I don’t know anymore. All I know is that I don’t want to be afraid of the person I’m with. That isn’t a danger I like.

“And just so you know,” I say, “I haven’t been ecstatic by some of the girls you’ve chosen. One of them called Lily a slut.” And behind Ryke’s back, she literally pulled my hair. Hard.

“I broke up with her the second she said that,” he reminds me. “You were with that idiot for months.”

“I tried breaking up with him,” I retort. “I even wrote him a letter. It went something like: Julian, I think we’re better as friends. Xoxo Daisy.”

Ryke groans, but his hand unconsciously rises from my knee to my thigh. The affection speeds my heart.

“The hugs and kisses were too much, weren’t they?”

“Who breaks up with someone in a f*cking note?”

“Someone who’s scared.” I’m not as fearless as my sisters would like to believe.

“You’re not a f*cking coward. You’re just with the wrong guys.” He glances at his hand and takes it off me. Then his brown eyes flit from the small space between our bodies to my gaze again. “Did any of them last longer than five minutes?”

I try to think back. “I think six minutes was the highest.”

“Were you seriously timing them?”

“I was waiting for it to end.”

He grimaces.

I pretty much dislike everything about sex. The before. The during. The after. No moment is fun.

I’ve kept trying to see if it gets better.

It doesn’t.

It’s just a load of uncomfortable and awkward. Nothing about sex gives me that fulfillment that other girls talk about. What is an orgasm? Nerve-spindling? Head-spinning? I’ve had that skydiving and racing my motorcycle down a steep hill alongside Ryke. That’s as orgasmic as I’ve ever been.

“Sex is stupid,” I tell him.

“It is when you’re with guys who can’t satisfy you.”

I flush at his words. “Rose just told me to try it with more guys and see what happens.”

Ryke looks ready to spring off the bike and go track down my sister. “Are you f*cking kidding me?”

“I thought it was nice. She’s a proponent of experimenting.”

“Says the f*cking virgin.”

“She’s not a virgin anymore,” I point out.

Ryke glares. “So she’s slept with one guy her whole life, and she’s telling you to f*ck around to find someone. She didn’t f*ck around, Daisy. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

“She has no experience with experimenting, got it,” I nod. “I’ve tried to talk to Lily about it, but she’s uncomfortable discussing sex with me.” I shrug. “Sometimes she’ll open up though. It’s just hard finding a day where she feels good enough to do it.”

Ryke relaxes a bit at the mention of Lily’s sex addiction and her shame towards the whole subject.

“Maybe I’m doing something wrong,” I say. “Is it normal for guys to last so short?”

Ryke runs his hand through his thick hair. He’s never held back with me before, so I don’t expect him to now. “They’re probably really f*cking attracted to you, and when they get you in bed, they just come early. It’s not a f*cking reflection on you but them.”