Hosed (Happy Cat #1)(39)

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Savannah: Of course. Stay as long as you like. Now get to the good stuff. I’m assuming number three is the juicy one?





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Cassie: Yes. It is. Can I pretty please have your blessing to bang your neighbor? I know that might make things awkward for you when you get home, but he’s so wonderful, Van. So sexy and sweet and funny and kind and I truly cannot imagine a better De-Virginizer showing up in my life. I don’t want to let this chance pass me by.





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Savannah: The De-Virginizer. Ew. It sounds like the Terminator—I’ll be back! In your vagina!





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Cassie: Can you be serious, please? This is a big deal for me. I’m ready, dude. It finally feels right, you know?





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Savannah: Then you should go for it, doll face. Rush headlong into love and squeeze every bit of joy you can out of it before it goes rotten.





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Cassie: No one said anything about love. This is sex. Momentous, first-time sex, yes. But still, purely physical.





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Savannah: Right. Because when I’m looking for a fuck buddy, I always go on and on about how sweet and funny he is. eye roll emoji You’re falling for him, Cassie. And that’s okay. Just go in with your eyes open and make sure he’s on the same page before you take a leap off the love high-dive. Make sure there’s water in the pool, you know?





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Cassie: I think there is, Van. I think there’s water. He likes me too. Like, maybe even REALLY likes me.





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Savannah: And why wouldn’t he? You’re wonderful and I love you. Got to go, Beatrice wants to play ninja rabbits with rabies.





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Cassie: Sounds fun.





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Savannah: Oh, it is. Maybe the most fun I’ve had in years. Love you! Be safe! Use condoms! Lots and lots of condoms! With lube!





Twenty





Ryan





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“Keep ‘em closed.” I shuffle forward across the grass at the back of my property behind Cassie, my fingers cupped around her eyes. “No peeking. Peeking is cheating.”

She laughs. “How can I peek with your big mitts covering half my face? Has anyone ever told you that you have ridiculously giant hands?”

“All the time,” I say. “Usually whenever they see me holding my massive firehose.”

She giggles again, a sweet, happy sound that makes me want to keep her here with me forever, far from downtown and the sex toy factory and all the uptight assholes who are doing their best to make her visit to Happy Cat as miserable as possible. Coming home should be as fun as karaoke night was, which is why I spent the entire afternoon getting busy with my welding iron and a pile of scrap metal creating my most ambitious trash sculpture to date.

All in the name of helping Cassie get more comfortable with sex.

While I was soldering away in the shade, there was no doubt in my mind that Cassie was going to love her surprise.

But now, as we circle around the shed where I keep the smaller pieces of scrap I salvage from the junkyard and the ten-foot monstrosity comes into view, I wonder if I might have taken things too far.

Cassie has an incredible sense of humor, and the beer convinced me this was a good idea, but…

That thing is gigantic. And obnoxious. And definitely not going to be selected for inclusion in the annual art walk.

“Are we almost there? Seriously, I’m dying of curiosity,” Cassie says, twiddling her fingers on the backs of my hands. Even that innocent touch is enough to make me ache to hold her, to kiss her, to show her that pleasure is nothing to be intimidated by.

Hopefully my surprise will help with that.

Or it will make her think I’m out of my fucking mind.

Either way, there’s no turning back now.

“We’re here. Your surprise.” I pull my hands away, my gaze fixed on her face and my breath held as I wait for her response.

She blinks. Then blinks again, three times in rapid succession, as if she can’t quite believe her eyes. Her lips part and a soft, shocked sound escapes from deep in her chest. She blinks again. Then again.

Finally, her lips tremble into a light-up-the-world smile and I release the breath I’m holding.

She gets it. She totally gets it, which makes me ridiculously happy.

Cassie’s gaze shifts my way, her expression vulnerable in a way I haven’t seen many times before. “You made me a giant metal dildo.”

I nod seriously. “I did.”

“With googly eyes and….” She glances back at my creation, brows furrowed. “And horns? Are those horns?”

“I was thinking antennae, but horns work too.”

“It’s…beautiful,” she says, her eyes shining. “It’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever made for me. Thank you.”