Hosed (Happy Cat #1)(16)
“I think it’s a date,” I whisper to the bottom of my glass of lemonade, but the lemonade does not respond. Because it’s lemonade.
Seven
From the town of Happy Cat, Georgia’s community InstaChat page.
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POST BY Gerald_Hutchins
AKA BakeryBoyHC:
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After the nightmare at the Farmer’s Market this afternoon, I think we can all agree that it’s time for that perverted abomination by the post office to be shut down. PERMANENTLY! How can we call ourselves a town that puts families first when we’re harboring something straight out of Jezebel’s Closet right in the bosom of our community?
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COMMENTS
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Tucker87: Ha! He said bosom…
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Ruthie_May_Is_Me: Jezebel’s Closet! That’s a great name for a lingerie store, Gerald. You should open one! Maybe you’d be less cranky if you were surrounded by satin and lace all day.
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Emma_June_Jennings: Doubtful. If being up to his elbows in sugar hasn’t made him any sweeter, nothing else is going to do the job. Get a life, Gerald! There are children starving in the Sudan, and right here at home for that matter. One in six Georgians are food insecure. Think about that the next time you get your panties in a twist about women seeking pleasure without shame.
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Tucker87: You make me insecure, Emma June. How’d you get to be so pretty and so smart?
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Emma_June_Jennings: No, Tucker. Just…no. This isn’t the time or the place.
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Tucker87: Sorry. Are we still on for Saturday night? I’m sorry about what I said at dinner the other night.
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Emma_June_Jennings: Not here, Tucker! Text me. And yes. Probably. If you can stay off InstaChat between now and then.
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AskAnOldManCarl52: Amen, Gerald! About time someone started talking sense around here. I’m sick of covering my granddaughter’s eyes every time I drop a deer head off at the taxidermist’s.
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Emma_June_Jennings: Oh, so exposing your granddaughter to the DEATH OF A NOBLE CREATURE is no big deal? But God forbid you expose her to a picture of a happy sunshine or the idea that her body and her pleasure both belong to her and neither one is a dirty thing.
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AskAnOldManCarl52: She’s eight years old!
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Emma_June_Jennings: Exactly the right age to start talking about sex! A lot of girls start menstruating at 9 or 10. She’s going to be scared to death if someone doesn’t talk to her about the facts of life before she wakes up with bloody underwear.
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AskAnOldManCarl52: You should be ashamed of yourself, Emma June. Your grandmother raised you better than to talk about your woman time in public.
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Emma_June_Jennings: My WOMAN TIME? Are you kidding me right now, dude? Ruthie_May_Is_Me, can you please educate Carl on the way I was raised?
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Ruthie_May_Is_Me: Carl, Emma June, both of you need to stop. Nothing was ever solved by fighting on InstaChat. We still on for dinner Sunday, Emma? If so, I’m making pot roast so you might want to bring some of that tofu loaf if you’re still not eating meat.
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Emma_June_Jennings: I haven’t eaten meat in fifteen years, Gran, so yes, I will bring tofu loaf. And wine. Two bottles. I’m going to need them to keep from having a rage stroke every time I get on InstaChat and see how ass-backwards this town is.
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AskAnOldManCarl52: I’m not ass-backwards. I’m just tired of feeling uncomfortable, that’s all.
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Emma_June_Jennings: Then stop, Carl. There’s no reason to feel uncomfortable. This is just like the time Bill over at the Feed Store started wearing dresses on Fridays. Everyone was freaked out at first, but we all got used to it. You included. No, it’s not business as traditionally usual, but it’s fine. And good. And it makes people we care about happy without hurting anyone. How can we complain about that? Honestly.
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AskAnOldManCarl52: All right. I’ll try. But I’m not talking to Megan about her woman time. That’s just taking things too far.
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Emma_June_Jennings: Do you want me to talk to her? Since her mama isn’t around right now? I don’t mind.
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AskAnOldManCarl52: Well…yes, I would. Thank you. That’s real sweet of you.