Hold (Gentry Boys, #5)(44)

The news that Cordero delivered had been expected for a long time. It shouldn’t have made me feel like I was sinking right into the mattress. But it did.





CHAPTER FIFTEEN


CHASE



It took some doing but I had the apartment gleaming by the time the afternoon was over. Steph tended to be even more messy than I was so things often got a little out of hand by the time one or the other of us threw up our hands and went into a scrubbing, vacuuming, tidying frenzy.

In fact I wasn’t really expecting her home yet. I was industriously vacuuming the dust out of every living room crevice I could find. The hand that touched my arm made me shriek like a banshee and jump about eight feet in the air.

“Sorry,” Stephanie smirked, obviously amused. “You should see your face.”

I switched the vacuum cleaner off. “You’re early. I had plans to have a king sized carton of pepper steak waiting for you.”

“Thanks anyway,” she said, dropping her purse and then plopping down on the couch. “I’m not too hungry.”

“Morning sickness?”

She grimaced and folded her arms over her belly, leaning forward. “I don’t know why they call it that. Definitely not exclusive to the morning.”

I folded up the vacuum cord and pushed it into a corner before joining her on the couch. “Baby, what can I do?”

Stephanie raised her head. Her riotous hair hid her face and slowly she moved it out of the way so she could see me clearly. “It’s okay, Chase. I’m just not hungry.”

“I’m not talking about food.”

She looked confused for a second and then it seemed to dawn on her that I was diving into more serious waters. She sighed and leaned back on the couch. I leaned with her. We stared at the ceiling together and listened to the yipping of our neighbor’s dog. Finally, almost tentatively, she reached for my hand. Hers was so small, strangely cold. I held it in my palm and brought it to my lips.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ve been an * lately.”

“Maybe we’ve both been *s.”

She laced her fingers through mine and smiled vaguely. “You’re trying to make me feel better.”

“I’m trying to make you feel something.”

She stopped smiling. She opened her mouth as if she was going to speak but then she quickly closed it and looked away.

“Stephanie. Look at me dammit.”

She looked. Stephanie was never one to skip around, broadcasting her emotions with a megaphone, but I could read this girl pretty well after nearly four years. There was something timid, almost fearful, about the look she was giving me.

Of course the million dollar question was what the hell was she afraid of?

Was she afraid of what I was going to say?

Or was she afraid of what she needed to say to me?

Fuck it. I’d been cutting a wide circle around her for long enough. Everything was fine and dandy until the night she told me she was pregnant. Or at least I’d thought so. It was time to get it all out there, for better or for worse.

“Stephanie, we’ve been together a long time. You’re sexy and infuriating and sensitive and complex. You’re not flawless and neither am I. God knows every day isn’t perfect but somehow we’re right together, you and me. And I couldn’t love another woman the way I love you.” I took a deep breath and gently reached over to tip her chin so she would have no choice but to look me in the eye. However she really felt, she wouldn’t be able to hide it now. “Do you want a life with me, Stephanie? Do you want this baby?”

“Chase,” she whispered and swallowed painfully. Her eyes swam with tears. “You’re my whole world. I love you more than anything. I love you so much it scares me at times.” She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, exhaling with a ragged shudder. “Of course I want a life with you. Of course I want to have your baby. God, Chase, I want to have a whole houseful of your babies and-“

I kissed her. I held her face in my hands and kissed her with passion and intensity. She clutched me closer and returned every bit of that intensity until my heart was pounding and my dick was hard and what I wanted to do the most was seal the occasion by getting inside of her.

Instead I broke the kiss. I pulled back and stared her straight in the eye. “What are you afraid of then?”

A tear rolled down her cheek. She sniffed and looked away. “Can you even picture me as someone’s mother? I mean, I’ve never taken care of anything, not even a hamster.”

“Steph.” I kissed her forehead. “You’ll be a wonderful mother. You’re loving and strong and every time I look at you I’m in awe, sweetheart. Absolute unfiltered awe. I won’t lie and say this won’t change anything because of course things will change. But nothing will ever alter the fact that I am utterly devoted to you. If you want law school, we’ll figure out how to get you there. Just don’t doubt us. There’s nothing we can’t do together. I really believe that.”

“Oh, Chase.” She was crying freely now. “It’s not that I doubt you. And it’s not that I doubt us. If I ever made you believe that was the case I’m so sorry.”

I didn’t say anything. I just held her and waited for her to calm down enough to continue.