Hold Me Close(87)

“You obviously have a lot of unresolved issues about all of this stuff.” Mitchell rubbed at the back of his neck and gave Effie a narrow-eyed glance she couldn’t read. “You should’ve told me this before.”

Effie snorted softly. “Sure, riiiiight. That’s how to start off a date. Tell me, Mitchell, what would you have done if I’d laid it all out for you the first time we went out? If I’d introduced myself, shook your hand, ordered dinner and then regaled you with the reasons why I can’t bring myself to eat like a normal person, what would you have done?”

“I wouldn’t have asked you out again,” Mitchell told her flatly and crossed his arms.

Effie sat back in the diner booth. “I see. Because I have some f*cked-up stuff in my past? It makes me too damaged.”

“No. Because I was up front with you, Effie. I was looking for something long-term. You told me that you were, too. And I thought you were maybe playing a bit of a game with me, but I figured, give it time. See what happens. There are a lot of people on that site, and it’s still really hard to find someone you connect with. I thought maybe we did. Or could.”

She furrowed her brow. “I was looking for something serious. I am. I know it took me a while to open up to you, Mitchell, but it’s because I want to make something of this. I...like you.”

Mitchell shook his head. “Like.”

“Yes. I like you,” Effie said firmly. “Isn’t that a good place to start?”

“It would’ve been, before.”

“And not now?” Her fingers curled into fists below the edge of the table, and she put them in her lap.

“I don’t know, Effie. It’s a lot to deal with. And Heath. You’re in love with him. You didn’t have to tell me,” Mitchell cut her off when she tried to reply. “I could see it all over both of you that day I came to the house. Maybe you should’ve told me all of this that night.”

Effie nodded. “Yes. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t lie to you. I told you it was over between me and Heath, in that way. And it is.”

Mitchell’s laugh barked out of him. Snide. He shook his head again. “I’m not that stupid. You told me that night he was in your life and always would be.”

“For Polly’s sake,” Effie began but stopped at the look on his face. “Mitchell...”

He put up both his hands and pushed the air as though he wanted to push her away. “No. It’s fine. I get it. You love who you love. There’s no way to get around it. I just...well, I’m not the guy who’s going to take second place for the rest of your life, that’s all. And it’s pretty clear that second place is all I’d ever be. Unless you can tell me you’ll never see him again.”

It was actually a promise that seemed more likely to be possible than it ever had, but the fact that Mitchell had asked her to make it only set Effie’s jaw. “I won’t promise that. He’s important to my kid, and to me.”


“So, if I asked you to choose between me and him, you’d choose him?”

“It’s not a choice I should have to make,” Effie said stiffly. “You and I, we’re barely starting out.”

“No, Effie. You and I, we’re over.” Mitchell sighed. “I’m sorry. But I really want to find someone I can trust.”

That stung, and she recoiled. “Okay.”

Mitchell stood, picking up the check. “I’ll get this.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. And listen, Effie...” Mitchell paused. Effie looked at him. He sighed, and his expression softened. “You’re a great girl. Just not the right girl.”

“Wow. Thanks.”

He sighed again. “I’m not the right guy for you, either. I’m sorry.”

Effie pulled her coffee mug closer. She hadn’t taken even a sip. It was cold now. She stared steadily up at Mitchell, then smiled. “No. Don’t be. You’re right. You were up front from the start about what you were looking for, and I really thought I could make it work. I wanted to. I hope you believe me.”

“I do.” Mitchell looked thoughtful. “You know what, I do. And I hope you find a way to make it work with him, Effie.”

She didn’t stand. It would be too awful to fend off a hug or, God forbid, a farewell kiss. He was trying to be nice, but he had no idea what he was saying. A way for her and Heath to make it work? It was called a miracle. “Thanks.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks,” she said again and half turned, dismissing him.

“More coffee, hon?” the waitress asked, looking expectant but also a little anxious, as though she wanted Effie up and out of there so she could fill the spot with other paying customers.

Effie shook her head and slid out of the booth. “No. Thanks.”

“You didn’t eat very much. You want a box?”

Effie didn’t even bother to look at the uneaten meal. “No. You can throw it away.”

She’d grown very good at that, Effie thought as she left the diner. Throwing things away. It seemed it was all she was able to do.





chapter thirty-eight

Effie had dressed as carefully for this moment as she ever had for any date. A dozen outfits pulled from her closet and tossed aside. Nothing seemed right. Too dressy. Too casual. She’d settled on a pair of skinny jeans tucked into knee-high boots. A tank top and a cardigan over it. A scarf. Her leather jacket.