Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(80)

“She did it a lot. However, it didn’t stop your father from worrying that, one day, your relationship with him would change.”

“I don’t get it.”

She takes my hand in hers. “Love has to be nurtured. You plant a seed and hope that it sprouts. Then you have to tend to it like you would a plant. You water it, give it sun, talk to it, and tell it how special it is. If you’re lucky, the seedling becomes a plant with good roots because of how you treated it in the beginning. You planted that seed when you were just a girl, and I watched Spencer do the same.”

That doesn’t make sense. Sure, I did. I was a teenager who thought he was the most amazing man in the world. “Spencer never planted a seed.”

She laughs. “Yes, he did. It was when you were leaving for college. The two of you spent the night together at the warehouse that you now live in.”

I stare at her in astonishment. “You knew?”

“Of course, I knew. I saw him look at you the next day. It was like he was coming up for air after being tossed in the waves. He planted that seed, and the two of you nurtured it in your own ways.”

“And now it’s dead,” I say, feeling that way inside.

“Why?”

“Because he lied. He let it shrivel up and die.”

My mother, who is never one to hold her tongue, scoffs. “You’re ridiculous. We all lied.”

“Yes, but I knew you were.”

She leans back. “And you assumed he wasn’t part of the unanimous all? I imagine that was tough. I can even understand why you felt the panic you did. It’s as though everything you believed you were building suddenly had the foundation washed away. But now what? Now you punish him and yourself? You run away and live out your days at my house when we both know you don’t really want to be here, considering we usually last two days before bickering.”

I smile. “Sometimes three.”

“Yes.” Mom laughs. “Sometimes three. My point is, from what it sounds like, you fell in love with Spencer Cross all over again. You didn’t have the memories of a whirlwind love affair that ended with a ring, and yet, you chose him. Not Henry, who came back when you believed you were still with him. Not some mystery man, who you thought you were engaged to.” She lifts her hand to my cheek. “You, my sweet girl, have the kind of love that others dream of. To know the person, even when you don’t know yourself. It’s up to you if you’re going to nurture it back to life or let it die. Which, let’s all be honest, you never really thought he killed your brother, you were scared.”





I roll over to my phone glowing in the darkness.

My finger hovers over the button to listen to the voice mail Spencer just left. I know that whatever he says is going to break my heart.

Mom is right. I love him. I love him not for the past but for what he means to me now, which is why I am so goddamn upset that I ran away. I just felt I had no options. I didn’t know what was real, and I still don’t. Other than I love him. I was scared and worried that it wasn’t real and I would lose it.

I look at the ceiling, trying to get the courage to listen.

If he was strong enough to leave it, then I can be brave enough to hear what he has to say.

His rich voice fills the room, and I have to fight back tears.

“Brielle, I debated on doing this. I wasn’t going to call you. I hear you loud and clear. You don’t trust me, and you need space. I won’t beg you to come back. I wanted to let you know a few things. First, I paid your security team in full for the next six months, so you don’t have to worry about being in danger. I hope they give you peace of mind. Second, I have been working these last two days, trying to give you something else, something I think you need, but I am leaving Rose Canyon . . . well, now. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to track down the information I need, but I want you to know that I am sorry that I lied to you. I’m sorry I hurt you.

“Most of all, I love you, Brielle. I love you so much that I wanted to die when I thought I lost you. When Emmett called and told me about Isaac, I thought I knew pain. But then he told me that you suffered a head injury and they didn’t know if you were going to make it, and I was more afraid than I thought even possible. As I drove to the hospital, desperate to see you, I begged for God to save you. I bartered my own heart and life in exchange for yours.

“I wanted to tell everyone about us then. I just didn’t want to do that to you, so I kept quiet. When you woke up and asked for Henry, my heart was ripped from my chest. I got you back, but you didn’t know us. You didn’t remember our first date or first kiss or when I proposed. I spent my entire life searching for something worth fighting for, and you were in front of me the whole time. You saved me, Brielle, even if you don’t remember doing it. You said I was drowning you, and that is the absolute last thing I want. So, this is me giving you air. I just wanted you to know that, even though I’m gone, everything I am doing is for you. I will always love you. Always.”

The voice mail ends, and I clutch the phone to my chest, crying harder. He’s leaving Rose Canyon, and I have no idea if I’ll ever get him back.

I close my eyes, and like lightning, a memory hits me so hard that, if I weren’t already lying down, I would be on my back.



“I love you,” Spencer says as we eat dinner on the floor of my apartment.