Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(6)

My heart pounds as my eyes burn with tears. “So, you want everyone to lie to me?”

“Not lie. I know what I’m asking is incredibly difficult, and believe me, I don’t do this lightly. We need to maintain the integrity of your memories. So, if it’s okay with you, I would like to put you in touch with a therapist who specializes in cases like yours and also acts as an expert witness when we need him. It’s a lot to process and I understand your reluctance, but again, my position is to protect the case, which is also protecting you.”

Spencer moves toward the bed. “How long do we all have to do this?”

Cora shrugs. “Until she recovers her memory or we have enough to arrest and prosecute without her testimony.”

“And if she doesn’t want to testify?” he counters.

My eyes widen at that.

Cora turns to me. “Of course it’s your choice. You don’t have to, but your account of the incident would be our strongest chance of a conviction.”

I lean my head back, turning to Spencer, who is watching me with eyes full of empathy and sadness. He was the closest with Isaac. The two of them more like brothers than friends. He must be aching just as much as I am. “I would do anything to bring justice for my brother’s death.”

“Okay then.”

Spencer’s soft smile plays across his face. He lets his smile fade as he turns to Cora. “Keeping her safe is all that we have now.”

Emmett speaks up. “If the killer believes Brielle can’t remember, it may work to our benefit as well.”

“He could be long gone,” Spencer adds, eyes still on mine.

“What does it matter? He killed Isaac, and we have no idea who it is,” I say, feeling desolate. I turn to Cora, breaking the moment. “Fine. We don’t tell me anything. I want whoever did this to me and Isaac to pay for it.”

She taps my shoulder. “If you remember anything, please let us know. In the meantime, the police are doing everything they can.” Then Cora walks out.

I turn my attention to the group.

“When is the funeral?” I ask.

“In two days,” Holden answers. “I think you’ll be ready to be released by then. Other than your memory loss, you’re healing well.”

“Right. We’ve established that.”

Emmett grabs my hand. “This will pass, Brie. I really believe that.”

“Nothing in my life makes sense right now. Do you get that? You’re the sheriff of Rose Canyon, and yet, the last thing I remember is saying goodbye to you at the airport before you deployed.” I look up at the ceiling, hating this. “Can you at least tell me today’s date?”

Spencer is who answers.

I close my eyes, focusing on that date. I know the date I graduated from grad school and . . . oh my God, it’s almost three years later.

My breath quickens, and I look at them. “But . . .”

“I know,” Holden says understandingly. “I know it’s a lot of time.”

“My heart is broken,” I confess. “I feel like I’m broken.”

“You’re not,” Spencer says quickly.

I wish I could believe that. “Well, when I see my brother’s body in a casket, I’ll be broken then, especially knowing that I can’t remember a damn thing. That I could save him! That I can’t fix this!”

My tears fall, and Emmett squeezes my hand. “Your brother would never blame you.”

“I blame me!”

It doesn’t matter what Isaac would’ve done. He’s dead, and I was there when it happened. Locked inside my brain is every answer. I saw this person. I was there, and I can’t remember. I might even know why it happened. This person could be anyone in my life, and no matter how deep I dig into the black hole of my brain, it’s empty. I have a million questions. Why was I spared? Why didn’t that person kill me too? None of it makes sense. I turn to Holden. “How long will this last? When will my memory return?”

“I wish there were a definitive answer to that. With the type of brain injury you suffered, the best thing we can do is give it time. I do believe that your memory will return, you have to allow everything to heal.”

“How do you know?” I ask.

“I don’t know for sure, but none of your tests are indicative of long-term neurological damage. Your speech isn’t affected. You can walk, you aren’t showing any signs of trouble with your fine motor skills, and your long-term memory doesn’t seem to be hindered. It’s why I have the belief that it will come back. It just may take some time.”

“And everyone thinks this plan to keep me in the dark is the best course of action?”

I ask the question to everyone in the room, but I am looking directly at my mother, who nods even as tears gather on her lashes.

Emmett is the first to break the silence. “I can’t imagine how frustrating this all must be for you, but Cora is right. If we influence one memory, then what?”

My blood pressure is through the roof as I grapple with all of this. It’s too much. It’s all too goddamn much.

Holden comes to my side. “I want you to close your eyes, Brielle, and take a slow, deep breath. Remember what I said about healing, we need to do whatever we can to stay calm.”

There is no remaining calm. Nothing about this entire situation is calm. I’m losing my mind. I look to them, not at all in control of my emotions. “I don’t know if I’m married or have kids. Am I still working at the youth center? Am I still with Henry? I have to be, right? We were . . . last I—” My mind whirls the questions around like a tornado as I look directly into Spencer’s eyes and ask, “Who am I now?”