Heartbreaker(24)
Or maybe I should give up, and fall headlong into those baby blues, to hell with the consequences.
It’s six thirty by the time I give up trying to make a rational decision for myself. I call Delilah. “Help,” I beg her.
“What’s up?” I can hear her chewing on something on the other end of the line.
“I’m having a meltdown. Serious category-five-storm-warning-everything’s-going-to-hell kind of a meltdown.”
“Is this about the vet?”
“No!” I yelp, then feel guilty that I haven’t given Sawyer a second thought. I’ve been too busy getting tied up in knots over my ex to think about the man I should be dating. “It’s… Finn,” I admit. Delilah gasps.
“I knew it!”
She hangs up, but I know she won’t be long. Sure enough, it’s barely four minutes and counting before her VW bug races up the driveway and parks at an angle, slung across the front lawn. She climbs out, holding an open pizza box in one hand, and her curling iron in the other. “I brought supplies,” she announces. “Now you better sit your pretty ass down and tell me everything.”
I do. Between stress-eating mouthfuls of pepperoni pizza, and half a pint of rocky road (to calm my nerves), I tell Delilah the whole story – at least, the edited version.
“You sneaky girl,” she gasps when I’m finally done. “I had no idea. We all thought you were so shy and quiet in high school. All that time, you were having a wild, torrid affair with him?”
I flush. “It wasn’t torrid.”
Delilah snorts. “Sure it wasn’t.” She pauses thoughtfully. “Now it all makes sense, the way he looks at you. Like he’s gone vegetarian for the past five years, and you’re a juicy steak. He wants you baaaad.”
“Well, he’s not getting me.” I wish again that we’d been closer friends back then, that she’d seen first-hand the damage his leaving did to me. Telling someone about a broken heart can never capture the true pain those simple words represent. To Delilah, it’s ancient history, but the heart doesn’t work that way. It can hurt and ache for a hundred years. Or just five long, lonely ones. “I’m serious,” I add, not sure who I’m trying to convince. “I can’t do this again. I just can’t.”
“But you want to, right?” Delilah studies me. “I mean, just look at him. The eyes… the body… the voice…”
“OK!” I cry. “I admit it. He’s hot. And the chemistry… it’s still there. Even stronger this time around.” I sigh mournfully. “What can I do about that?”
“Short of locking yourself away in a dungeon, not much.” Delilah looks sympathetic. “Hormones are a bitch.”
“So you agree I can’t go out with him.” I nod, determined. “Or even be alone with him. Or in the same public space. Is it too late to move to Alabama for the month?”
“Now wait a minute, I didn’t say that.” Delilah takes another bite of pizza. “In fact, I’d say the opposite. You should bang that boy the first chance you get.”
“What?”
My shriek is loud enough to echo across the bay. Delilah laughs. “Oh my god, your face right now.”
“Dee! This isn’t funny!”
“I know, honeybuns. That’s why I say go for it. He’s in town a month, right? So make the most of it.” She grins. “Give it up, get it on, and with any luck, you’ll f*ck him right out of your system.”
Her words make me flush, not from embarrassment but pure danger. Even a split-second imagining it is too much. The weight of him pressing me into the mattress, the damp swirl of his tongue on my thighs…
I shove another spoonful of rocky road in my mouth. I shake my head. “That’s the worst plan I’ve ever heard. You’re like the queen of bad ideas.”
“No, listen to me!” Delilah protests. “Right now, you have all these emotions swirling around. Betrayal, and heartache, and all the ‘what ifs’ that have kept you up at night. You’re not thinking clearly. I bet when you look at Finn, you don’t even see the man he is right now. You’re too caught up in the boy he used to be.”
I slowly nod. Where is she going with this?
“So you need to get all that out of your system,” she insists. “Closure, once and for all.”
“And how will I get that by… you know?”
“Climbing him like a tree?” Dee grins. “Simple. Most guys are better in fantasy than they ever are when it’s the real thing. Maybe he’ll smell bad, or pound you like a jackhammer, or it’ll all be over in a flash.” She snaps her fingers. “And voila, closure!”
I have to give her points for trying, but she doesn’t know Finn. How he could make me moan, reduce me to a breathless, gasping, begging pool of molten desire with just a few dirty words murmured in my ear. And then later, when we were all alone, with nothing between us but a sheen of sweat and the whispered promises that slipped around me like silk…
“It won’t work.” I say, miserable. “He was amazing back then, and now… He’ll be even better.”
“The boy was scoring perfect tens at eighteen?” Delilah’s eyebrows shoot up. “Damn. Now you have to ride that. If you don’t, I will. Kidding. Kind of.” She shoots me a grin so mischievous I can’t help but relax, laughing.