Hawke (Carolina Cold Fury Hockey #5)(14)

My eyes slide to Hawke, who lowers his arm and drops his face to look at the floor. A muscle ticks in his lower jaw.

“Hey, sweetie,” Todd croons at me, because he can hear the exhaustion on my voice. “Rough day?”

“You have no idea,” I tell him as I push past Hawke and walk back to my bedroom.

“It must have been a doozy. No room in your life for me right now, huh?” His tone is light, but I don’t miss the underlying censure.

“It’s been nonstop since five a.m.,” I tell him defensively as I step into my bedroom and shut the door behind me.

“You’re working too hard,” he says pointedly.

Well, there’s a news flash.

“Yeah, well, someone’s got to do it,” I say as I sit down on the edge of my bed and then lie back. I stare at the popcorn ceiling with water stains indicating the apartment above me at some point had a leak. “And until I win the lottery, well…this is just the way it is.”

“I can send you money,” he says automatically, and it’s a rote offer, because we’ve had this conversation before.

Too many times.

“You know that’s not an option for me,” I remind him.

Todd blows a pained gust of frustration into the phone and then lets out a long-suffering sigh. I roll my eyes, curious as to why he feels affronted over my refusal to accept his help. It wouldn’t change anything between us one way or the other.

At least on my part.

On his, I’m sure he thinks it will bring us closer together. Almost as if he wants to tie me by dependency, and that’s never going to happen.

I feel bad thinking these things about him.

Todd Walters has been in many ways very good for me. We met almost six months ago while I was working in Columbus for the Ohio State Buckeyes. He’s a dentist and works for a large practice specializing in sedation dentistry. We met when one of my players cracked a tooth wide open during spring training practice and I was tasked with driving him for an emergency repair. The poor kid was so terrified he insisted we go somewhere that would knock his ass out, and thus my first meeting with Todd. By the time the tooth was repaired, I’d accepted his invitation to coffee because he was cute and charming and I was lonely.

Todd wasn’t happy about my decision to relocate, but I think he understood. While we’ve been attempting to make a go of this long-distance relationship, the stresses that are piling on top of me do nothing more than push Todd to the bottom of my priority list, and that just adds more guilt on top of what I already suffer on any given day.

“…and I could probably swing next weekend,” I hear Todd say.

I push up from the bed, scrub my hand over my face. “I’m sorry…next weekend?”

“To come visit,” he says with hurt in his voice. “Were you even listening to me?”

“Yes, of course,” I lie, feeling another slice of guilt. “Next weekend would be good. It’s the last free weekend I’ll have before we start into preseason games, so things will get really hectic.”

“Look…Vale,” Todd says, and I can hear resignation in his voice. “If this isn’t working for you…”

“No,” I exclaim quickly, and then soften my voice. “It is. It will. We’ll make it work. I just…it’s been stressful starting with the Cold Fury. But it will settle down, I promise.”

Silence.

A slight clearing of his throat.

Finally, with some relief in his voice, “Okay, then…I’ll fly in next Friday night and we’ll make a weekend of it.”

“I can’t wait,” I say, and I hate how I have to force enthusiasm in my voice.

“And maybe we could get a hotel…so we could have some privacy,” he says in a low voice. “I really miss you.”

I wonder if Hawke is still here. Perhaps sitting back in the living room with Dad, large frame stretched out on the couch. Those jeans fitting a little too perfectly…

I give a vigorous shake to my head and scream internally at myself to stop thinking about Hawke. I focus…make myself think of Todd with his light blond hair and kind brown eyes. The sweet way he kisses, and the gentle way he…

Hawke wasn’t often gentle. He could be, but he liked it rough and tumble…just like me.

F-u-u-u-c-k!

My hand goes to my hair and I pull hard on a lock of it, trying to force my thoughts to settle down.

“Yes,” I say quickly and with total focus on Todd and his sweet, romantic ways. “A hotel room would be nice. Just me and you and a lot of catching up together.”

“Awesome,” he says, and the relief in his voice is almost painful to me.

“Okay, I’m going to grab a shower and get to bed. Five o’clock rolls around pretty early for me,” I say softly.

“All right, sweetie. Take care of yourself. Talk tomorrow?”

“Yes, tomorrow,” I tell him, and then say, “Good night.”

I know my first move should be to get my ass in the shower so I could indeed get some much-needed sleep, but instead, I head back out to the living room. I immediately see Dad still sitting in his recliner and I can tell just from the lack of tense vibes in the air that Hawke is gone.

Dad angles his head and looks at me with a censuring smile. “Why were you so rotten to Hawke?”