Gone (Deadly Secrets #2)(70)

“Alec,” Hunt said, looking up at the ceiling as if trying to find the right words, “has an addictive personality. It’s why he turned to alcohol as a kid and why he’s struggled with it since. It’s why he got hooked on a career that puts him in dangerous places all over the globe and why he doesn’t quit. And it’s why he fell so hard for you when you two met.” He turned to look at her. “I lived with him in college. I saw him date lots of girls. I never saw him fall as hard and fast as he did with you. You became his new addiction. You filled that empty place inside him in a way alcohol never could. And when it was great, it was like a high he never knew before. But when it wasn’t, and when everything happened with Emma . . .”

Hunt looked across the room, his expression somber. “You have to know it wasn’t just guilt that ate at him because he was the one who was with her that day. It wasn’t just that she was gone. He loved her—you’re right—he still loves her, as much as any parent could. It was you. When he had to tell you she was gone, when he saw how it shattered your heart . . . that’s when everything tipped for him.” He shook his head. “If you’d been any of those other girls Alec dated, I think he could have gotten through it. He would have hurt like a bitch. He would have missed Emma like crazy, and he still would have carried a shit ton of guilt because he was there when she disappeared, but I think he would have found a way through the pain. Maybe today he’d even have the same faith you do that Emma’s out there somewhere. But because it was you, that didn’t happen.”

Tears welled in Raegan’s eyes again, blurring her vision as she listened, the truth in his words slamming into her hard and stealing her breath.

“He loves you more than he should,” Hunt said plainly. “More than is healthy. He always has. I saw it before, and I stayed out of it because it wasn’t my place. But now . . . well, you asked.” He turned and met her gaze. “Could he survive getting his hopes up about Emma and possibly having them crushed? Yeah, I think he could. What he can’t survive is breaking your heart again. And I don’t know how you stop that from happening when the odds things are going to work out the way you want are . . .”

He cut himself off and looked back down at the floor, and as Raegan struggled to breathe she knew he was trying to save her more pain. But she didn’t want to be saved from it. Not anymore. She needed to face the facts and stop being blinded by hope because this wasn’t about her. It was about Alec.

And these were the facts. In the United States, one child goes missing or is abducted every forty seconds. Stranger kidnappings target more females than males. In nonfamily kidnappings, 20 percent of children reported to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children are never found alive. And 74 percent of children who are ultimately murdered are dead within the first three hours of an abduction.

Raegan knew those facts by heart. Had beat them into her brain after Emma’s disappearance. And she’d rationalized that her daughter was not one of those statistics because they had no proof either way. For three years, blind faith had kept her going, had made her believe Emma would eventually be one of the 80 percent found alive. She’d even convinced herself that Emma had made it past that three-hour window because the other option was just too horrifying to consider. But now . . . now she didn’t know what to believe. One stuffed animal found in the back of a car didn’t mean anything. Every day that passed, their chances of finding her alive and healthy and whole decreased. And she was scared to death of pushing this investigation any further if they were only going to find out Emma really was dead. Because she knew that would break her heart. And it would inevitably tear Alec apart.

“Hey.” Hunt’s hand gently landed on hers. “That was probably too much brutal honesty. I’m sorry.”

“No.” She shook her head and sniffled. “You’re right. You’re right about all of it. I just . . . I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Not right now, anyway.” He squeezed her hand. “And, shit, I’m the last person who should be giving relationship advice. Just . . . talk to him about your fears. If he’d opened up to you three years ago maybe things would have been different. You women, you do that better than we guys do. We’re programmed to keep it all inside. Don’t let him sink back into the darkness when things get rough. Make sure he knows he’s not alone. And, by God, if there’s any chance you don’t love him the same way he loves you, then walk away now. Before things get out of control.”

She nodded as she stared down at their joined hands. Loving Alec with every fiber of her being was the only thing she knew for certain. But even that scared her now.

Sighing, Hunt let go of her and pushed to his feet. “Look, since Alec’s got the whole family here, and since it sounds like more will be descending soon, I’m gonna take off. Will you be okay?”

She nodded and tried to keep her voice from wavering as she said, “Yeah,” but knew she failed miserably when he frowned down at her.

“Tell Alec I’ll call him when I hear from my guy at PPD.”

“Okay. Thanks, Hunt.”

He cast her a sad smile and then walked out of the room, and alone, Raegan’s mind tumbled through the last few days. Finding that stuffed animal. Hearing Alec say he believed Emma could still be alive. His admission that he wanted a second chance and that he loved her. Always loved her.