Gone (Deadly Secrets #2)(69)
“Shit.” Hunt slid an arm around her shoulder and awkwardly pulled her against him. He patted her shoulder while she fought the useless tears that didn’t want to stop. “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay. Alec’s safe.”
“I know that.” She sniffled, hating that she was breaking down in front of Hunt of all people, but unable to stop it from happening. The weight of everything seemed to be crashing down around her. She wanted so badly to believe that Emma was alive, but at what cost? She couldn’t lose Alec again. Not because of her stubbornness.
She swiped at the stupid tears, screamed at herself to be tough, and pushed away. “I know he’s going to be fine, but he wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for me.”
“How do you figure? You didn’t pull that trigger.”
“No, I just gave John Gilbert a reason to do it.”
Hunt’s brown eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know.” She swiped at her useless tears. “We don’t have any proof Emma’s alive.”
“No,” he said cautiously. “But you don’t have any proof she’s not alive either.”
Raegan’s shoulders dropped. “I know that. I just . . .” She blinked rapidly and looked across the room, hating what she was about to say. “I’ve been holding on to something so tightly these last few years, afraid if I loosen my grip at all I’ll fall into an abyss. Just . . . cease to exist. And I worked so hard to make sure that didn’t happen, I let everything else around me crumble—my relationship with my parents, my friendships, even my marriage.” Tears welled up again, and she closed her eyes against the sting and shook her head. “I can’t let that belief destroy Alec.”
“Whoa.” Hunt gripped her by the arms and turned her to face him. “Slow down. Let’s start at the top . . . your parents, well, I don’t know a whole lot about them except that Alec once told me you always had a tense relationship with them. If they haven’t been there for you these last few years, then that’s their issue, not yours. Your friends? I can speak from experience when I say that friends don’t always know the right thing to say or do when a kid goes missing. I’m sure any friendships you let drop weren’t your doing, and if those people bailed on you, then they weren’t real friends to begin with. And as for your marriage . . . you need to remember that it takes two people to make a marriage work, just as it takes two to end one. You love your kid, Raegan. You want her to be safe. Believing she’s alive isn’t wrong.”
Raegan’s heart twisted. “Alec loved her too.”
“Yeah, well.” The edge of Hunt’s lips turned down as he let go of her to rest his forearms on his knees. “Alec’s got issues. We both know that. He dealt with Emma’s disappearance the only way he knew how. Was it the right way? Hell, no. But he’s not that guy anymore. And for what it’s worth, from what Alec’s told me about these cases, I think he’s starting to come around to your way of thinking.”
That’s what she was afraid of. Her heart pinched so hard, she had to breathe through the pain. “And what if I’m wrong? Alec’s already starting to think Emma’s disappearance is linked to these cases, and no matter what you say, that is my fault. I asked him to look into these missing kids with me. I pushed him to investigate something he wouldn’t have looked twice at otherwise. No, I didn’t pull the trigger today, but if Gilbert’s involved in all this, then I indirectly gave him a reason to go after Alec. I put Alec in jeopardy because of something I can’t let go. I don’t want to keep doing that.”
“The cops are going to catch Gilbert. He can’t hide after today. I bet he’s already on the run. He fucked up, Raegan. I know you don’t think so, but what happened today was probably a good thing.”
“I’m not talking about Alec being shot.”
Confusion drew Hunt’s brows together. “Then what are you talking about?”
She drew in a shaky breath that did nothing to alleviate the crushing pressure in her chest. “What if Alec gets his hopes up that Emma is alive, and at the end of this search we find something terrible? Do you think he can survive something like that? Because I’m not so sure he can. Ethan told me what Alec tried to do after the divorce. When I heard he’d been shot today, I just . . .”
She blinked rapidly against the tears. “I know in my head they’re two separate events. I’m not crazy, you know? But the whole time I was standing next to him by that bed, even when I knew he was okay, all I could see was that image of him in his kitchen with that bottle and that”—she swallowed hard and barely got the word out—“gun.” Her eyes slid closed as the tears slipped down her cheeks once more. “I can’t be the reason for that again. I can’t let my need to believe destroy him.”
Hunt sighed and stared down at the floor, and he was silent so long, Raegan wasn’t sure he was still there. But then he surprised her when he said, “I know you’ve always thought I didn’t like you, Raegan. I want you to know that’s not true. I think you’re smart and witty and fun. I think you’re a really great woman. I never thought you weren’t enough for Alec. Actually, I always thought the opposite was true.”
She wasn’t sure where he was going, but wondering gave her time to pull herself together and listen. Swiping at the tears, she looked at him and waited.