Gone (Deadly Secrets #2)(24)
He rested his hands on his hips, searching again for the right words. “I’m sorry, okay? I know you think I’m an ass, and you’re right. I just . . .” Shit, this was harder than he thought. “I can’t go back there. Rock bottom is a place I won’t survive a second time. I can’t put my family—” No, that wasn’t right. “I don’t want to put you or anyone through that again.”
Her shoulders relaxed, and her gaze drifted to the steering wheel. He watched the fight seep out of her like a helium balloon losing air. She knew he was talking about his drinking. Knew she was thinking about how bad it had been in the weeks before he’d finally left her. The only thing that kept him from losing it right now was the knowledge that she’d never seen him at his very worst.
He scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “She’s gone, Raegan. I know you want to believe otherwise, but I can’t. Not if I have any hope of making it to tomorrow. Because the alternative . . .” His throat grew so thick he had to look away from her. “The alternative is something I can’t think about.”
Silence spread between them like a vast, empty chasm. And when the wind blew Alec’s hair away from his forehead, a shiver rushed down his spine, reminding him it was still close to thirty degrees, in the middle of winter, and that he was wearing nothing but jeans, a black long-sleeved T-shirt, and boots, laying himself bare before the only person he’d never wanted to hurt.
“Okay,” she said quietly, still staring at the steering wheel. “I get it. I—I won’t bother you with any of this again.”
She reached for the drive stick, and knowing she was about to leave pushed him right back into urgency mode. He slapped a hand on her window so she couldn’t roll it up and shut him out. “That doesn’t mean I want anyone else to go through what we did, though.”
Her gaze lifted to his, and in her soft green eyes he saw surprise and doubt.
Do it. Make amends for all the shit you put her through. Set at least one part of this nightmare right.
“I’ll help you,” he said before he could come up with an excuse. “With these cases. There might be some similarities. Something the cops are missing. If you want my help looking into them, I’ll do it.”
Their eyes held. He didn’t have a clue what she was thinking or feeling. All he knew was a burning desire to help her.
“Are you sure?”
“No.” His stomach tightened. “But it’s the right thing to do for those kids.” And for you.
Her gaze drifted back to the steering wheel. Slowly, she nodded. “Okay. I—I appreciate the help. You have a good eye for research. That’s part of the reason I wanted you to see the files.”
He wanted to ask what the other part was but forced himself not to. As much as he wanted to hear that she still cared about him, he knew it would be too much.
Letting go of her car, he stepped back. “You have to go to work, and I have a few things I need to do here. Let’s meet tonight. You can show me what you’ve found, and we can go from there.”
She nodded, bit her lip. Looked up as if she wanted to say something more but held back.
Finally she nodded again and reached for the drive stick. “My number’s the same. Text me later and we’ll set up a time.”
“Okay.” He watched as she slid the window up and carefully pulled out onto the road. As her brake lights faded in the distance, shining red over wet pavement, he couldn’t help but notice they looked like two giant warning beacons.
And like the fool he’d always been where she was concerned, he was about to ignore them and charge headfirst into something that just might kill him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The coffee shop where Alec suggested they meet later that evening wasn’t at all what Raegan expected.
The chic establishment on the west side of the city, a twenty-minute drive from her apartment in the Pearl District, sported trendy purple couches, gold chairs, and low tables. It also included a long bar, displaying rows of wines and craft beers.
Wine and beer had never been Alec’s vices. He’d liked the hard stuff—Jack, Jim, Johnnie, Jose, even Captain Morgan when he’d been in the mood. But alcohol was alcohol, and Raegan’s nerves kicked up as she watched patrons sipping from wineglasses or pilsners, wondering if he knew the place he’d picked wasn’t just a coffee shop but also a wine and beer bar.
She pulled her phone from her jacket pocket and was just about to text Alec when the door opened behind her, and a wave of cold rushed down her spine.
“Did you get a table yet?”
Startled, she turned, heart pounding, fingers tingling, and stared up into Alec’s blue eyes.
For a moment, she was blinded by his beauty. Those mesmerizing eyes, his shaggy blond hair, and the two days’ worth of light stubble on his square jaw. Then he lifted his brows, and she realized she was staring. Heat rushed down her cheeks, forcing her to glance quickly away. “Um, no. I wasn’t sure if—”
“Hey, Alec.” A cute twentysomething brunette walked up to the checkin table to their left, winked Alec’s way, and reached for two menus. “Don’t usually see you in here this late.”
“Hi, Molly. Working tonight.” He held up two fingers. “Two of us.”
The brunette gave Raegan the once-over and turned. “This way.”