From Twinkle, With Love(80)
Maddie tapped her fingers against the armrest as I spoke. “You know, that makes sense,” she said when I finished. “Remember when you had bronchitis and were too sick to go to that skit a bunch of us put on in second grade?”
“Vaguely …”
“It was that talent show thing for our parents one summer. I think we set up the fake stage on Skid’s deck. Anyway, Neil and Sahil were a joint act, and they decided to do a bit from a Frog and Toad book. So, they got up there and Neil delivered his lines perfectly. And when it was Sahil’s turn, he just … shut down.”
“What do you mean, shut down? What did he do?”
“Nothing. That’s the thing.” Maddie sighed. “He just stood there, staring at all the parents and us kids, and his mouth opened and then closed again, like a fish.”
I winced, feeling humiliated on Sahil’s behalf. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah. So then Neil stepped forward and seamlessly took over Sahil’s part too. He did these two different voices, one for Frog and the other for Toad—which was supposed to be Sahil—and the parents and the other kids loved it. Everyone was clapping and laughing and cheering for Neil. And Sahil just … faded off into the background. And then he stepped off the stage and no one noticed, because everyone was looking at Neil. I still remember, though. I remember feeling bad for Sahil, but at the same time … that’s just how it was, even back then. He wasn’t meant for the limelight like Neil was.”
“Yeah, but … what a horrible way to figure that out.” My heart was breaking in my chest at the thought of tiny, eight-year-old Sahil realizing people were so much more adoring of his brother. That he just couldn’t compete.
“Yeah. And you know what? Now that I think about it, Neil went off with Lewis and the other guys afterward. But Sahil stayed behind and helped clean up. I think that’s the summer he, Skid, and Aaron became good friends.”
“Sahil’s selfless like that, always doing the right thing.” And I’d broken his heart. He thought I was the one person who wouldn’t put him up against Neil, that I wouldn’t compare them, and I’d done just that. “I screwed up bad, Maddie,” I said, my voice thick with tears. “He took my hand at the end of the movie and I thought maybe he’d be able to forgive me … but no. As soon as I said his name, he walked off. Like he said, it hurts too much for him to even look at me. He hates my guts.”
“But he took your hand? When the footage played?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“And he told you it hurts him to be near you?”
“Um, sort of. That’s the gist, yeah.”
“Twinkie.” Maddie looked at me, one eyebrow raised, like I was missing something obvious.
“What?”
“Sahil is madly in love with you.”
“What?” I said again, scoffing. “Please. I mean, maybe he was falling for me. At one time. But I wrecked everything with the whole Neil thing.”
Maddie cocked her head. “It’s pretty clear from where I sit that Sahil is just in pain. A lot of pain. But if he truly hated your guts, he wouldn’t say it hurt to be around you. He wouldn’t look at you the way I saw him looking at you all night. He wouldn’t take your hand. Twinkie … the boy loves you. Like, seriously loves you.”
I stared at her, too afraid to say anything, just in case she changed her mind. “Are you …? Are you sure?”
“One hundred percent.” She sat back and pulled another Twizzler out of her bag. “So. Now the question is, what are you going to do?”
I knew what I, Miss Wimpy Wallflower Extraordinaire, wanted to do: I wanted to go home and go to bed. To just ignore all of this. But on the other hand, I knew what I needed to do. What the brave thing to do was in this situation. And if I didn’t do it, if I didn’t take this chance, I knew I’d regret it forever.
“Maddie,” I said, swallowing my fear. “Could you please give me a ride?”
She stuffed the entire Twizzler in her mouth in three bites and hopped up. “Let’s go.”
And so here I am, in her car, speeding toward either ecstatic love or devastating heartbreak (again). Gulp. Wish me luck.
Love,
Twinkle
Twenty-Four
<text message 11:12 p.m.>
From: Sahil
To: Skid, Aaron
I broke it off with her
<text message 11:12 p.m.>
From: Skid
To: Sahil, Aaron
DUDE WHY
<text message 11:13 p.m.>
From: Sahil
To: Skid, Aaron
I told you man. I can’t go out with her after knowing she wanted to hook up with Neil <text message 11:14 p.m.>
From: Aaron
To: Sahil, Skid
But dude she explained that
<text message 11:14 p.m.> From: Sahil
To: Skid, Aaron
I don’t want to talk about it
<text message 11:15 p.m.>
From: Skid
To: Sahil, Aaron
i know what you need bro. I got a giant bag of chili cheese Fritos and Call of Duty ready to go <text message 11:16 p.m.>
From: Aaron
To: Sahil, Skid
He doesn’t need a video game that encourages toxic masculinity and brainless murder rn. He needs to chill and listen to music. I just found this new band Piggy’s Death Rattle. Perfect for how he’s feeling <text message 11:17 p.m.>