From Twinkle, With Love(63)
A big hand was on my back. “We do care about you, beta.”
I sat up and saw Papa sitting on the edge of my bed, his face full of concern. I leaned against my headboard. “It doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”
Papa put his hand on my shin and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he said, and I knew that was a huge thing for him to say. We never apologized to each other. It’s just not something Desi families are big on. “Sometimes I forget that you need me just as much as those kids at the youth house. But when I’m here, in our home, with a warm bed and hot food, it feels … wrong. They have no one to care about them. If I am not working every minute I can, I feel that I am failing them.”
I watched Papa’s hands as he talked about his work, and I realized something: He cared about his at-risk youth just as much as Sahil’s mom and dad cared about the state of higher education in our country. The difference was, because of their education and fancy degrees, they could afford to pay money to contribute to their cause. Papa’s work had to be in person; his donation was his time, his family, and himself.
“It’s good that they have you, then,” I said, putting my arms around my legs and resting my chin on top of my knees.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you,” Papa said, smiling. He touched my cheek. “You make my work worthwhile.”
I sighed. “I never thought you didn’t care, Papa.” It was true. Papa wasn’t the most involved parent, but at least he asked about me now and then. At least he sometimes checked whether or not I needed lunch money or what I was up to on the weekends.
“Mummy cares deeply about you, too, beta,” Papa said, squeezing my leg.
I looked away. “Ever since Nani died, Mummy’s been … different. Like she blames me or something.”
“You remember that? When Nani died?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I remember we couldn’t afford to fly back to Mumbai. And then Mummy threw away all her art supplies. She changed.”
Papa breathed out, this slow, heavy thing loosed from the bottom of his soul. “Haan. Your mummy … she doesn’t blame you, Twinkle. But she does blame herself. She will never forgive herself for Nani dying alone.”
“But it wasn’t her fault!” I said, my eyes filling with tears. What I really wanted to say was, it wasn’t my fault. There wasn’t anything any of us could’ve done.
“I know, beta. But Mummy can’t seem to grasp that. All we can do is remember that she is ours no matter what. No matter how broken her heart is.”
After a moment, he got up and left, closing the door softly behind him.
Love,
Twinkle
INVITATION
To: Twinkle Mehra
From: Victoria Lyons
What: Bonfire Party
Why: Celebrate Wrapping Up Dracula!
(AND the return of Neil Roy from swim camp! AND the end of the school year!)
Where: Banner Lake
When: Thursday, June 25, 7 p.m.
Ve Vant to Wrap It Up!
June 22
The Reel Deal Blog
Posted by: Rolls ROYce
My brother, the prodigal athlete genius girl magnet, will return to school from … let’s say baseball camp … in a couple of days. I’m not gonna lie. I’ve kinda enjoyed being out of his shadow for a while. Almost like one of those flowering plants that’s overpowered by a thorny weed. And then the gardener plucks the weed and the flowering plant can fill the world with its brilliance and explosive color. That’s me. I’m brilliant and explosive.
It’s been so fulfilling. I feel like I’ve come into my element.
Sparkle has been able to see the real me, the one I am when I’m not just Teal’s brother, the also-ran, the slightly washed-out twin. And guess what? She likes me. One of the most important people in my life likes me for me. She doesn’t even register Teal on her Sparkle-dar. Her smiles, her laughter, her kisses, her jokes—those are all just for me.
It’s been a couple of days since the birthday party now. I was pretty worried about how she acted there, but the more I think about it, the more confident I am that Sparkle will figure things out. She’s finding her footing right now and things are hard, but that’s temporary, I’m sure. She’s … a pretty special person. I have all the confidence that she won’t lose herself—or us—because of this hiccup. That’s the other thing I realized at the party: Sparkle really, really likes me, too. Once we’re done with the movie, I know she and I are going to be together. And man, it feels so crazy good to say that.
So let Teal come home, I say. Let him come home because I’ve already got everything I need. I know exactly who I am and what I’m capable of thanks to the movie Sparkle and I made together. For that, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank her fully.
Tuesday, June 23
4 days till Midsummer Night
My room
Dear Sofia Coppola,
Since early Sunday, my nights have been dark, the days darker still. The only pinpricks of joy in the vast, empty desert of my existence are the few remaining days of editing the movie I have made.
Do you think I’m being melodramatic? Okay, let’s take stock of all the people I’m avoiding and/or can’t look in the eye right now and why, shall we?