From Twinkle, With Love(30)

I glanced at Sahil, a hot, liquidy feeling of utter humiliation rolling over me in a nauseating wave. His face was neutral, but his eyes were moving from Maddie to me. Slowly, as they kept talking, his face got steelier and steelier. “They’re just going to … ignore you? It’s been, like, a full minute.”

I shrugged and glanced down at my tattered shoes. My face was purple. I could feel it. “Ah, that’s … that’s okay. It happens.”

Sahil looked at me disbelievingly. “Yes, but it shouldn’t.”

And seeing him looking at me like that, hearing his words—yes, but it shouldn’t—I realized two things: (1) He was absolutely right and (2) So what if Maddie was too scared or intimidated or felt bad to stand up to Hannah? That didn’t mean I couldn’t.

My hands were shaking, but I forced myself to go up and tap Hannah on the shoulder. My heart was pounding so hard, I was sure my shirt was shaking.

She turned, her thin blond eyebrows sky high when she saw it was me.

“It’s not okay to interrupt someone’s conversation like that.” I heard the quiver in my voice, but I kept going. “Also? It’s not okay to roll your eyes or laugh at people. We learned all of that in kindergarten, Hannah. Or at least, we were supposed to.”

Maddie’s face was pale. Victoria’s eyes widened, and she whipped out her cell phone and hid behind it, even though her tall red hair gave her away. I could see Sahil smiling encouragingly in my peripheral vision, and I straightened my shoulders. I had no idea what had come over me. But I was starting to get reeeeally tired. There’s only so much being invisible you can take before you just want to go supernova so no one can ignore you anymore.

(Not that this sweaty, shaking confrontation in front of my locker was exactly going supernova, but still. You had to start somewhere.)

Hannah looked so at ease, it was like she was born confronting people. (She probably was, now that I think about it. I could see her as a wrinkly newborn, demanding that the nurse wash her immediately.) She crossed her arms over her chest, and her fifty-two charm bracelets clinked together. “Why are you so angry, Twinkle?” she asked, smirking.

Because you’ve turned my smart, funny, confident best friend into a total bowl of Jell-O, I wanted to yell. Because you just take and take and take and never stop to think who you’re hurting. Because you’re a spoiled little brat. “Why are you so mean to me?” I asked. “What have I ever done to you?”

She just shook her head and yawned. She actually yawned. “Let’s go,” she said, and began to walk away. Victoria quirked her mouth at me, shrugged, and left.

Maddie stayed for a moment. “You … Don’t, Twinkle.”

I waited, but she didn’t say anything else. “Don’t what?”

“You’re just …You’re not helping.”

We looked at each other. Disappointment burned inside me. I don’t know what I’d expected, but it wasn’t for Maddie to just stay quiet the entire time and then imply I was making things worse.

“Fine,” I said, but my voice was so quiet, I wasn’t sure she heard me. Hitching her backpack up on her shoulders, she walked away.

I looked back at Sahil, my throat sore and tight. I wouldn’t cry in front of him. I would not.

“Wow,” he said, looking a little shell-shocked. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “I think so. That’s the first time I’ve ever done anything like that. Figures that I suck at it.”

“Hey. You don’t suck at it. You were awesome,” Sahil said, grinning.

I looked up at him. “Even though Hannah wasn’t swayed at all?”

“Pssh. Maybe she gets off on making people feel small. I don’t know. But you’re not small, Twinkle.” His eyes got serious, and my breath caught in my throat as I studied his face.

“Thanks,” I whispered. I knew there had to be people milling all around us, but I didn’t see any of them.

After a pause, Sahil nodded, still smiling. “I’ll meet you by your locker after school.”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out—apparently my voice had pulled an Amelia Earhart. So instead, I just watched him walk away, my head all muddled and swimming.

Love,

Twinkle





Tuesday, June 9, post-hike at Red Fox Trail

My room


Dear Ava DuVernay,

Um. Whoa.

More soon. A lot more. But for now—whoa.

Love,

Twinkle

June 9

The Reel Deal Blog

Posted by: Rolls ROYce

I knew it. I just knew it. It wasn’t my imagination. Sparkle likes me. SHE LIKES ME.





Still Tuesday, June 9

Later, still my room


Dear Ava DuVernay,

Okay. I think I can talk about it now. I’m still not even close to being done processing it, but … maybe writing to you will help.

So Sahil and I went off to Red Fox Trail like we’d talked about. He met me at my locker (he was there even before I was—yay!), and we didn’t speak while we drove. The silence was easy; he mainly just played some new music he’d downloaded.

When we got there, Sahil texted Skid and Aaron, but they didn’t respond. So we just began walking, figuring they must be out on the trail, which didn’t have the best reception from all the giant pine trees and stuff. I asked Sahil if he knew what musk thistle looked like so we could keep an eye out for Skid, but he just laughed and said no, he did not.