From Twinkle, With Love(27)
Love,
Twinkle
Monday, June 8
Honors Spanish II
Dear Mira Nair,
Well, now I know why Brij and Matthew weren’t at lunch today. I was walking from calculus to Spanish when I saw them in the hallway, sitting behind a long table. That’s when Brij took off his head.
Lest you think this journal has taken an unexpectedly dark turn, I should hasten to explain that he’s fine. They were both in costume.
Brij looked like a screaming blue toad, but he was actually “Poliwhirl, a water-type Pokémon that is also bipedal and whose abilities include the swift swim, which is, in fact, a hidden ability.” I nodded extra and showed a lot of interest because I think he was a little embarrassed when I said that thing about the screaming toad and I felt bad. Matthew, on the other hand, was Pikachu, and I guessed that one on the first try.
I thought maybe it was just another Monday for a couple of computer science geniuses, but Brij told me that they were fundraising to build the school a better firewall because apparently our security posture is sorely lacking and is an utter disgrace to the school district.
“Okay, Nath, I’m sure the girl understands all the big words you just said,” Matthew said, rolling his eyes at me.
“Hey,” I said, leaning forward so Pikachu and I were eye to nose, “I may not be a computer prodigy, but I do know what a firewall is. Furthermore, I do not appreciate you saying what you said on the basis of my gender. Let’s not further those outdated patriarchal stereotypes here in the sanctified institute of learning that is PPC, Matthew.”
Okay, so I didn’t say that. The most nonconfrontational girl in the world, remember? Mostly I just glared at Matthew, which was hard to do because I did not know whether to look into Pikachu’s eyeballs or his nostrils, which is where Matthew’s eyeballs were.
Matthew appeared not at all intimidated (as far as I could tell, given the stupid costume), but then Brij said, “Dude, Twinkle’s a genius in her own way. I bet you don’t know the first thing about filmmaking,” which I thought was super nice. Standing up to your friends is not the easiest thing to do.
I passed Maddie, Hannah, and Victoria in the stairway as they were heading off to art. “Hey,” I said to Maddie. She was now wearing the capelet, the faux fur swishing around her elbows as she strutted around. “So, is that, like, method acting?” I joked. “We don’t have a replacement, so just remember that Dracu-lass probably wouldn’t get paint on her clothes.”
Hannah rolled her eyes and looked at Victoria, who didn’t respond, but just wrapped her already luscious red curls around each finger to curl them more. Excuse me, Hannah? What was there to roll your eyes about that joke?
I know Maddie saw her, but she didn’t say anything. Well, she did, but it was to me. “I won’t!” she chirped, and then they all headed off downstairs together. She didn’t stop to talk to me about the movie or anything.
And when they were at the bottom of the stairs, Hannah laughed. I thought I heard Maddie say, “Come on, Hannah,” in a slightly irritated way, and then Hannah started to argue. Embarrassingly hopeful, I held myself still so I could hear more, but they were too far away by then.
Come on, Hannah. It doesn’t sound like much. But I feel like maybe Maddie at least stood up for me a bit. Kind of? I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to clutch at drips and drabs of my old best friend, hoping she’s still in there somewhere.
Love,
Twinkle
Monday, June 8
My room
Dear Haifaa al-Mansour,
I have an e-mail from Maddie. Stapling it below:
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Today
Hannah was only joking today in the stairway. I just wanted you to know.
<3 M
Okay, so first: Great. Take Hannah’s side, Maddie. Right when I thought you’d been a friend to me today. Fabulous.
Also? An e-mail? Maddie almost never sends me e-mails. She’s avoiding me because clearly her conscience is eating away at her and soon she will be nothing but an oily husk of regret.
And third, this isn’t an apology?? What does she expect me to say, Oh, no problem. It’s all good. I thought it was pretty funny how she was rolling her eyes and laughing at me anyways because you know how I love to pulverize my already sketchy self-esteem?
I don’t even know how to respond to this. Seriously, I don’t. There’s nothing I can say. If Maddie can’t even put herself in my shoes for more than half a second—ugggghh. I’m just not gonna respond.
A bit later
Obviously I responded. See below.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Today
Right. Okay. But just so you know, it’s never okay to roll your eyes or laugh at someone. I mean, that’s just rude.
—Twinkle
I bet she won’t respond to that. I mean, what could she even say?
Still later
OMG she responded.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Today
Hannah was doing that at something else, not you. She told me.