Frayed (Torn #2)(62)

The pain that seared me then was so severely violent, I believed I may have momentarily blacked out. Taylor was back with his ex, Megan, the one who he toyed with the thought of going back to.

Right, why hadn’t I thought of this scenario? My stupid brain was too caught up thinking about him and our time in Greece along with that time he asked me to be with him.

“Trista—” Taylor whispered behind me. I could feel him close, but he didn’t reach out for me. The way he said my name told me it was too late. We had so much to say to each other, but there were no words to say.

There was no strength or will left in me to turn around and say goodbye. Instead, I just gave a shaky nod and pushed my legs to take me out of his house.

Just like that—with no words at all—I silently mourned my loss.

That’s what we were to each other, so much yet not much at all.

Life was about chances. The bad ones always return, the good ones tend to come back, but the best ones haunt you for the rest of your life.

I had mine.

And I regrettably missed it.





***



Going home would only mean I had to face Lindsey and Amber. That was one thing I wasn’t in the mood for. I needed to be alone to regroup for a night or two; I needed to cry out my agony, my stupidity and my lost chance to be happy with the guy who understood me. The man who had taken care of me even when I was a Class A bitch; even when I was pushing him away and calling him names. Through all of that he was there, unwavering.

It was barely six in the evening and I found myself checking-in at Chateau Marmont. It was funny really, I suppos suppose you could call this my heartbreak hotel. It was the perfect place for me and , I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Three hours later, I was still crying my guts out. I felt awful and empty ; like like there was a big, gaping hole that needed to addressed. Honestly, I knew I shouldn’t be crying because Taylor had moved on. I should be thankful that I had the opportunity to meet someone like him, to know how it felt to be with someone of his caliber. Most of all, because of him, I knew what it was like to have a man that truly made me happy. One day, I would look back on my time with him without any regrets, instead, I would look on those times with hope, hope for a future where there was life after heartbreak and loss.

Taylor really was in truth, my dark angel. He referenced himself as such in the very beginning.

My heart poured with such endless emotions that I simply couldn’t hold back any longer. While tears flowed freely down my face, I started to type him a text message.



I came by today with a lot to say, but the moment I saw you, I was at a loss for words. How do I start to form the words I needed to tell you then, but couldn’t? I know I have to start somewhere, so, here I am, starting this while fighting the urge to delete this stupid message to begin with. Ever since that night you walked away from me in the alcove, you haven’t left my thoughts, Taylor.

I despised you in the beginning. You were arrogant and in my face about everything. Most of all, I hated how you had seen me at my lowest. You saved my life, yet I hated your guts more than ever. We clashed, we fought and argued whenever we could. One thing stood out, though, our attraction to each other was just as strong. The only defense I had was for us to keeping fighting and bickering, but when you stopped that, and started kissing me instead, all of the fight left me. You made me want you. You adamantly broke through my barriers and got through to me.

You’ll always be that special person I will think about when I’m old and gray. You taught me so much and, for that, I will always be grateful.

Our time will forever be with me. Its mark will never be forgotten. I hope you find your happiness as you have wished for me to find mine.

Greece will always and forever be yours…



Sent.

Goodbyes were the hardest ones. I was tired of giving them. I made a pact with myself that when I came out of this hotel suite, I would go home and look forward to starting my life again.

This past year may have contained the worst kind of struggles, torments and sins, but I was ready to pick myself up, dust myself off and reboot.

This time, I was hell-bent to do it right.





Chapter 28


Trista


I woke up today with a restlessness that I couldn’t shake off. So, at six-thirty in the morning, I headed home and dressed myself to jog it out on the beach.

I needed to wear myself out since sleep was rather absent as of late. Though the happiness I had sought with Taylor was now nonexistent, I was comforted by the thought that I had my whole life ahead of me. The sick, depressing feeling had subsided as glimmers of sunshine were now breaking through my tinted life.

Half a mile in, I stopped jogging and stood close to the shore. At the far end of the ocean was the first break of sunrise. I stood there watching, too late to realize that I had tears streaming down my face until a man stood next to me and handed me his white handkerchief. I murmured my thanks as I wiped my eyes dry.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it? Sometimes beauty can be very deceiving. One day it’s calm and quiet. The next, it’s brutal.” I glanced at the kind man with crow’s feet around his warm eyes. “Whatever kind of demons you’re dealing with, don’t fret my dear child. Even Jesus forgave those who betrayed him, those who killed masses of people, those who had sinned more than you have. Guilt is a vile thing, but let it serve as a lesson never to be repeated because, when guilt comes back the second time, it’s very unforgiving.”