Four Week Fiance (Four Week Fiance #1)(58)
“Sally.” I just shook my head as I made my way to the shower, but I couldn’t stop myself from trembling. It hadn’t occurred to me that TJ’s kink was anything more than regular kink, but maybe that was why he had a contract. Maybe he really did have another side I knew nothing about. I closed the bathroom door behind me and closed my eyes as I grinned to myself. This weekend had gone even better than planned, and I knew I was ready for TJ—whips, chains, dungeons and all.
Chapter Seventeen
TJ
I walked out in the rain a few hours after I’d given her the contract because I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what she was thinking, and worrying if Sally was trying to convince her not to go ahead with it. I was also still pent up from not having f*cked her. I’d been shocked when I’d found out she was a virgin. I still felt tense about the fact that she wanted me to take her virginity. Tense and proud. I wanted her badly, but I also wanted to stop myself from doing something that I shouldn't. I had been about to cross the line. I’d been inside of her. My mind had been so foggy, but I hadn’t wanted to continue. I hadn’t wanted to take her. Not then, not like that. I had to make sure I didn’t cross the line.
Though, I had to admit to myself that I could barely see the line anymore. It had become blurred in my mind. I was becoming caught up in my own trap. I was worried that I was going to give Mila four weeks, but she was going to try and hold me to more. I didn't know which way was up anymore. All I knew was that she was the guiding light in my sky. She was the beacon calling me home. And home was where I wanted to be.
The only problem was, I knew that once she entered my reality and found out who I really was, the dream she had of me would end. And, oh Lord, I didn't know if I was ready for that. I knew that I needed to be myself with her. I needed to show her the side of me that I’d kept hidden. And that meant taking a risk. Step one had started last night. In the lake. She'd had no choice but to succumb. I knew as soon as I’d touched her that it would give me the upper hand, but at that point, I didn't care. My body craved her too much. I needed her as badly as I needed air.
I headed towards the lake, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I should wait for her to come to me. I should wait for her answer. I knew that I should, but I wasn’t going to.
She sat there, with her feet in the water, not doing a thing, and all I could think was that this woman had changed my life. She'd changed the very universe I lived in—not by her actions or words, but with the curl of her lips as she smiled and the light in her eyes when she gazed upon mine.
"TJ?" she said as she glanced back, her voice like a Beethoven symphony to my ears.
"Yes, Mila," I said, walking towards her, my feet knowing the path to her body, while my heart still searched for the path to her soul.
"I didn't hear you come out," she said, standing up and turning towards me. Her hair fell forward as she bent down to brush something off her leg.
"I guess there are many things you didn't hear," I said and paused as I stared at her face, trying to memorize every inch for the time I wouldn't be with her.
"What else didn't I hear?" She frowned at me, looking confused.
You didn't hear the sound of my heart breaking when I lied to you, I thought as I stood there. I stared at her, my heart wanting to tell her all the things in my head, but I knew I couldn't. You didn’t hear the feeling of shame that fell to my stomach when I asked you to pretend to be my fiancée. You didn’t hear the excitement in my veins as I thought about waking you up every morning with my own special alarm clock.
"TJ," she said again and stepped forward. "What else didn't I hear?"
"You didn't hear the sound of your clothes coming off when I told you to get naked." I touched her shoulder, not able to resist touching her.
"You didn't ask me to get naked." She blushed then, a delicious pink-red hue that reminded me of her innocence. The feeling both delighted and destroyed me.
"That's because I don't ask, I tell," I said gruffly and my eyes narrowed as I stared at her. "Take your clothes off and get naked." I stared into her eyes, a fire burning in my soul as I commanded her to give herself to me completely. Once again, I could feel my world shifting as she stood there considering her next action. I knew what she was going to do. I knew, and I wasn't going to stop her. That was the magic of the situation. I was changing her life, just as much as she was changing mine. The only difference was I knew she would hate me once she found out.
Then I laughed and put my hand on hers. I had to laugh to let her know that while I wanted her, I wasn’t going to let it consume me. I wasn’t going to let my want for her body make me act irrationally. I needed to get her answer first.
“Have you made your decision?” I asked softly.
“I don’t know what to do.” She bit her lower lip and shook her head. “What should I do, TJ?”
“I can’t make your decision for you, Mila.” My voice was deep, some might say husky, as I looked down into her wide eyes. She was gazing at me with a question in her big brown eyes and her lips were slightly parted. “What’s your answer?” I said abruptly, needing to know so badly that it was killing me inside to not know.
“Why are you doing this really?” she asked me softly as she stepped towards me, licking her lips nervously. Her long blonde hair hung around her shoulders and small runaway wisps blew into her eyes. I leaned over and moved them gently behind her ear. She blushed at my touch and I made sure to let my fingers linger on her cheek for a few seconds. I could feel the heat emanating off of her skin onto my fingertips.