Four Week Fiance 2(49)

“I’ve lost about ten pounds.” I nodded and sighed. “I haven’t really been able to eat or sleep,” I admitted. “I haven’t really been working out or dieting. I just have all this nervous pent-up energy.”

“Oh no.” Sally frowned and looked at me. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“I guess I just feel so frustrated.” I lowered my voice. “You know how much I love TJ. You know that I want to be with him forever. You know that, well, he’s the one who has had my heart forever. And, well, I feel like every day I spend with him, I fall in love with him deeper and deeper, but I also keep making a longer crack in my heart. I don’t know how I’m going to survive after this ends.” I bit down on my lower lip, my eyes wide as I stared at her. The empty, sinking feeling entered my stomach again and I took a deep breath. I could not cry now. I was fed up of crying. And I didn’t want to ruin my makeup. Smeared mascara and eyeliner didn’t look good. At all.

“Oh, honey.” Sally’s eyes widened in response to what I’d said. “You need to just leave him. You need to forget this whole arrangement. He’s not good for your heart. I know you love him, but if he’s making you feel bad about yourself, he’s not worth it. There will be other men, Mila. You are beautiful. You are generous. You’re funny. Smart. Shit, you’re the perfect girl. Any man would be happy to be with you. Trust me. You will fall for someone much better.”

“But none of them will be TJ,” I said, my voice bleak.

“They will be better than TJ.”

“There is no one better than TJ.” I gulped. “He’s my everything.”

“But you’re not his everything,” Sally said softly, her face sympathetic. “Don’t you want a man who will make you his everything?”

“I just want TJ to love me.”

“Oh, we’re messes.” Sally sighed and grabbed my hand. “How did we get to this place? Both of us in love with men who can’t seem to love us. What are we doing to ourselves?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to be single forever.” Sally’s lips pursed. “And I don’t want to be waiting on Cody forever either. What if it never happens? What if he never falls for me? What if I end up at fifty, never married, no kids, no loves, no nothing because I just waited around on him?”

“That won’t happen,” I said, but then as I spoke the words I realized the same thing could happen to me. What if I just waited around on TJ to somehow fall in love with me and be okay with it? How long would I wait? What if it never happened? What if he fell in love with someone else while I was here waiting? It would crush me, and even thinking about it made me feel sick. Imagining him with someone else, falling in love, telling her he adored her, holding her close, kissing her—oh, God, that would kill me. I would be devastated.

“What are you thinking about, Mila?” Sally asked softly. “You look like you just found out someone died.”

“What if TJ falls in love with someone else? Marries her? What if TJ’s not the problem? What if it’s me? What if he just can’t fall in love with me because I’m not the one for him?

“Let’s see how tonight goes and then we should have a serious conversation. Neither of us can just stay in these positions. It’s not healthy for us.”

“I know.” I nodded. “I need to talk to TJ as well. Need to tell him some stuff. Need to just be free to accept whatever happens next. I don’t want to be living in this emotional turmoil anymore.”

“Yeah, it’s not healthy,” Sally agreed and we just stared at each other for a few moments, both of us wondering what it was going to take to get the other one to step off of the ledge.

***

“Well, don’t you two look pretty?” TJ walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as he got home. Then he walked over to Sally and gave her a hug. “Looks like I got home just in time.”

“Yeah, just in time to not cook anything.” I shook my head at him. “Lucky you.”

“Did you really want my help cooking?”

“No,” I laughed and he grinned down at me, his eyes glowing.

“I’m just going to go and change quickly,” he said with a laugh and walked towards the bedroom. “I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” I said and looked at Sally, who was smiling.

“Don’t miss me too much,” he said with another laugh and I shook my head at him.

“I’ll try not to.” I giggled and grabbed Sally’s hand. “Let’s go and get a drink. We deserve one.”

“I’m down for that,” she agreed and we headed towards the kitchen. “So, TJ seems like he is in a good mood.”

“Yeah, he does,” I agreed happily. “It’s been nice this last week.”

“That’s good.” She nodded. “How’s it been going with his business deal? Have you met many of the shareholders and partners? How’s his dad been?”

“To be honest, I haven’t really seen his dad or anyone else since that party.” I shrugged. “And every time I bring it up to TJ, he changes the subject.”

“That’s weird.”

“Yeah, it is.” I nodded and held up a bottle of wine in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. “What’s your poison?”