Forged in Desire (The Protectors #1)(96)
He paused a minute. “And then with Mom, I should have been there for her. To make sure she took her meds. But I wasn’t. And now there’s you. I was supposed to protect you with my life, if necessary. Instead I placed you in even more danger.”
*
MARGO SAID NOTHING as she stared at Striker, wondering if he realized he had just admitted he loved her. She’d heard everything he said, and her heart went out to him for all his misplaced guilt. She wanted to tell him that she loved him and that they could work out whatever issues plagued him together. But for some reason, she believed he had a plan. One that didn’t include her.
“So what are you saying, Striker? Are you trying to tell me that all those times you held me in your arms, made love to me, kissed me, tasted me...that you wished you hadn’t? That being with me wasn’t good for you? That I was a mistake?”
“Yes.” Then, just as quickly, he said, “No.” He rubbed the top of his head and said in a frustrated tone, “Yes, I should feel that way, but there’s another part that won’t let me. And that’s the part I have to deal with.”
“And how are you proposing to deal with it?”
He paused a moment. “You no longer need protecting, so I plan to stay away from you for a while. At least until I can handle a few things.”
Like your feelings for me? A part of her wanted to deny what he wanted. To say that staying away from her might be what he wanted but it wasn’t what she wanted. That together they could work out his issues and that distance between them was the last thing they needed. What she wanted now was for them to do what they’d been robbed of doing and that was to behave like any other couple in love. She wanted them to spend time together without an element of danger lurking over them. Go out on dates, to the movies and dinner or do whatever they wanted to. She wouldn’t crowd him. She just wanted to be with him whenever she could. But she knew that loving someone also meant giving them space when they needed it. Hadn’t she explained that to her uncle when she’d left for college and then later when she’d relocated to New York?
Now she had to believe it herself. She had to believe that Striker loved her as much as she loved him and that their love wouldn’t diminish with distance. “Is that what you want, Striker?”
He shook his head. “No, but right now that’s the only way.”
Margo could see that his mind was made up and there was no changing it. “Okay. Then just know this one thing.”
“What?”
“That I’ve fallen in love with you, Striker Jennings. And because I have, I’m willing to give you the time and distance you think you need. I hope that you’ll realize that love can solve any issue.”
She could tell by the surprise that lit his eyes that he hadn’t expected her admission of love. Although he didn’t say he loved her, as well, the important thing was that she believed he did and that their love was stronger than any of those issues he was battling.
He sat there for a minute and stared at her. Then, without saying anything, he stood and walked out of her kitchen. She held herself together until she heard the door close shut behind him.
It was only then that she allowed her tears to flow.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Two weeks later
STRIKER ADJUSTED THE aviator sunglasses on his face against the bright sun shining in through the car’s windshield. He had returned to Charlottesville and the first thing he intended to do was go see Margo. He had needed time and distance, and she’d given him both.
Before leaving Charlottesville, he’d had a long talk with Sheppard, who agreed that he was carrying around misplaced guilt and, until he could let it go—all of it—he would always blame himself for what had happened while he’d been protecting Margo. As for his fear of losing someone he loved, Striker now saw, thanks to Sheppard, that life was a gamble, it wasn’t meant to last forever, individuals should appreciate whatever time they had with the people they loved, and they should think of living and not dying.
Striker believed that returning to Little Rock had been the best thing for him. Visiting the old neighborhood had put a lot of things in perspective. He had visited the graves of his mom, Ray and Wade, and he had even stopped by his old high school, Little Rock Central. Coach Rivers was still there after all these years, and still had that old newspaper clipping framed on the wall, showing how Striker had led his football team to become national champions in his senior year.
He had enjoyed talking with Coach Rivers. The man was still a motivator and inspiration. Striker had never gotten around to thanking the man for standing up for him, being at the trial each day and becoming a character witness on his behalf. The testimony of Coach Rivers, some of his other teachers and a few of his neighbors had been beneficial in Striker getting a lesser sentence.
Thanks to Ray Jennings, they’d lived in a nice neighborhood and now a lot of the homes had been remodeled and were owned by a lot of preppies. He had walked his old neighborhood and was surprised to see many of the places he frequented as a kid were still there. Most had gotten a needed face-lift.
Last but not least, he’d gone to see Lamar Guyton, the father who had never acknowledged Striker’s existence. It had taken him two days to find out the man had had a stroke a few years ago and was in a nursing home. Striker had gone to the nursing home to discover a man who couldn’t even feed himself. Striker had apologized to Lamar Guyton for hating him all those years. After the apology Striker had left.