Foreplay (The Ivy Chronicles #1)(74)
He arched an eyebrow.
“When she was walking away, she suddenly turned around. She ran back and grabbed Purple Bear from me. She ripped him. Tore him apart right in front of me.” I could still see all the tufts of cotton floating in the air.
“What the f*ck?”
I continued bitterly, remembering how watching her destroy that bear felt like she was murdering a part of me. “She told me Purple Bear couldn’t keep me safe. Just like she couldn’t. That I should never expect that from anyone. That I needed to look after myself now and never count on anyone.”
He was silent for a moment, processing. “She was trying to help—”
“Yeah. I know she was trying to teach me a lesson in self-reliance. As screwed up as it was. But I was a child.”
Reece held me, his hand brushing my back in smooth sweeps. I let him. For a little while anyway, I let his hand and arms, his strong body, comfort me, knowing it would be the last time. He made small hushing sounds near my ear.
“I know you’ve been hurt,” he started, his voice low in my ear. “So have I. Maybe we can help heal each other.”
I broke away, peering at him in bewilderment.
He watched me, waiting as I studied him. As I observed a person every bit as damaged as I was. No one lost their mother at eight and lived with a man like his father and came out whole.
I turned and reached for my shirt and pulled it on over my head. Facing him again, I spoke evenly. “Ever since my mom left me I’ve had a plan. I know it sounds ridiculous to you, but Hunter was part of that.”
“That’s bullshit.” He stood. Indifferent to his nakedness, he grabbed his clothes and started getting dressed with hard movements. “You’ve built some kind of fairy tale around him. I guess the experience with your mother didn’t teach you shit.”
I flinched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He stopped and glared at me. “You don’t want Hunter. You’re still looking for your purple bear. Someone to give you a sense of security. You don’t get it. That doesn’t exist. As wrong as your mom was about a lot of crap, she was right about that. Bad shit happens, and there’s not always gonna be someone there to protect you from it.”
I shook my head. “So what? I’m supposed to just flip a switch and walk away from a good thing and embrace . . .”
My gaze raked him.
You.
I didn’t say it, but we both heard it. He understood. His gaze scoured me, blazed a path across my features, missing nothing. Seeing more of me than I had ever revealed to anyone. All my flaws.
He made a disgusted sound and moved for the door. Opening it, he stopped and stood there, staring across the room at me. “You can’t even see it. I’m the safest thing you’ll ever find.”
And then he was gone. I was all alone.
I was lying in the same spot on the bed when Emerson and Georgia found me. They took one look at my ravaged face and surrounded me on the bed like clucking hens. Between choked tears and hiccups I told them everything. Well, everything except my f*cked-up history and why I couldn’t be with Reece.
“I don’t understand.” Georgia pushed the hair back off my shoulders and crossed her legs Indian style. “Why can’t you give him a chance?”
“You did sleep with him,” Em reminded me. As though I could forget that. “You must care about him.”
I looked between the two of them helplessly. I couldn’t bare myself to the bones twice in one day. I couldn’t take doing that all over again. “Just trust me. It wouldn’t work.”
“Okay.” Georgia held my hands between us, nodding gently. “Then we support you. Whatever you decide, we’re here for you.”
“Damn straight,” Em agreed. “You just tell us who to punch in the junk and we’re on it.”
I laughed, wiping at my runny nose. From Emerson’s relieved grin, that was clearly her goal. “No. Don’t hit anyone.”
My phone buzzed from across the room. I jumped up to grab it, my heart a stupid traitor in my chest, lifting with the insane hope that it was Reece.
Evidently it was going to take my heart some time to catch up with my brain. Why would I even want a text from him? Especially after I just broke up with him. Um. Not that we had been official or anything but it sure as hell felt like a breakup.
I scanned my phone. The message wasn’t from Reece.
Hunter: Miss u already. Dinner tomorrow?
Guilt pinched at my heart. While he was missing me I had been with Reece. I shook my head. Hunter and I hadn’t declared ourselves exclusive. And it had been just one time with Reece. And now it was over. Time to move on.
Dutifully, I typed a message back to him.
“Who is it?” Emerson asked as I set my phone back down and sank onto my swivel chair.
“Hunter. He wants to know if I want to grab dinner tomorrow night.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Yes.”
Emerson and Georgia exchanged glances. Clearly, they thought I was crazy, and I couldn’t disagree with them. Reece’s words played over and over in my mind. I’m the safest thing you’ll ever find. What did he mean by that? Trying to sort it all out made my head ache.
I felt unhinged. I finally had what I wanted. The guy I’d waited almost a decade for, and all I could do was think about someone else. Someone who was just as broken as me.
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