Fly With Me (Wild Aces #1)(58)

I wasn’t sure if I was pissed, or excited, or just plain shocked. Or some combination of all three.

“Jordan?”

I blinked again, waiting for him to tell me he was just kidding or to take it back.

He didn’t.

Noah stared at me, his gaze unblinking, strangely serious.

Was I supposed to treat that like a proposal? Had he lost his mind?

We were sitting in the squadron parking lot, he was getting ready to leave for Alaska, hip-hop music playing in the background, it was ten in the morning, and I’d thought we’d decided not to make any drastic decisions. There was nothing romantic about this.

“Are you joking?”

“It was a stupid idea,” he muttered, turning the car off with a flick of his wrist. He unbuckled his seat belt.

“Wait.”

“What?”

God, I needed a minute. I hadn’t been prepared for this, didn’t know how I was supposed to handle a question like that. Was it even a question? Or was he just throwing ideas out there? And why did he seem pissed now?

“Are you serious?”

He let out an oath. “Yes. No. I don’t know.” His mouth set in a grim line. “I don’t know what we’re doing here. Every time I have to say good-bye to you, it feels like I’m being sliced in half.” His expression darkened. “Loving you f*cking hurts.”

I closed my eyes, the pain in his voice piercing me. He wasn’t wrong. I just didn’t know what the answer was. I wasn’t going to marry him on a whim, on some half-assed attempt to bring us together when circumstances threatened to pull us apart. But if he was serious?

I reached out, grabbing his hand, linking my fingers with his, holding on, afraid that the effort of us was eventually going to be too much, that he’d meet an easier girl who would jump at the chance to spend her life with him, who would view all of this as an adventure rather than the sacrifice I feared.

“I love you,” I answered, trying to give him as much as I could.

“I know.”

He didn’t say the rest, but it lingered between us . . . but is it enough?

And I didn’t know. I didn’t want to throw away my chance at happiness, and at the same time, I was scared to reach out and take it. Afraid of the sacrifice it required.

“What would happen if we got married?” I asked, trying to picture it, struggling to figure out a way to make him fit in my life.

“You could come to Korea with me.”

That sentence both thrilled and terrified me.

“You would be a dependent. You’d have healthcare and access to the military facilities. We could get an apartment on base and live together.”

“You’re asking me to move to Korea?” I sputtered.

He sighed. “I don’t know. If you wanted to, I guess.”

“What would I do for work? I don’t speak Korean. What would I do all day?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.”

I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what I wanted. It was fast. Everything about this was fast. And it was too much. I loved him. So much. But why did love mean I had to give up everything? Why did love require this giant f*cking leap?

And even though I knew I shouldn’t even entertain the thought, a part of me resented that he didn’t have to make any sacrifices in this scenario. I knew it wasn’t his fault or even his choice anymore, but still it bothered me.

It wasn’t just going to a foreign country, or how far away I’d be from my friends and family, or even not speaking the language—it felt like I was putting my life on hold. What would happen to the store if I just took off to Korea for two years? On the one hand, it was just a store. On the other, it was years of hard work and sacrifice. It was everything I’d wanted it to be. Business was better than ever and the idea of abandoning all of that was ridiculous. Especially to a giant unknown. Not to mention how much I’d miss my family. My friends. My dog. Could I take Lulu to Korea?

It was way too much. Like it wasn’t enough that he was getting ready to leave for six weeks; now he was dumping this on me, too.

And just like that I went from confused to more than a little pissed off with Noah.

“Do you even want to marry me?” I asked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I could feel my temper building, the explosion lurking just beneath the surface.

“That’s your proposal? You just throw out there the mention that, hey, maybe we could get married? We’ve never talked about it, you’re about to leave for Alaska, and now you think it’s a good idea to dump more on me?”

His gaze narrowed. “Sorry. I didn’t realize the idea of marrying me would be so stressful for you.”

“We’ve never talked about it,” I shouted. “You just told me you loved me weeks ago. I’m not even a little prepared for this.”

“And I am?”

“You’re the one who mentioned it,” I snapped.

“Because I’m trying to figure this out, too. I’m just as confused as you are. I’m trying to figure out a way to make this work.”

“And I’m not?” Was he joking? “You do realize, that for you, getting married isn’t that big of a change. But for me, it isn’t just adding a husband and making a commitment to spend the rest of my life with someone. It’s also moving to another country, away from everything I know and love. It’s giving up the business I’ve worked my ass off to build. Would you give up flying for me?”