Fly With Me (Wild Aces #1)(51)
“As much as I know that I can handle basically being a single parent on my own, there’s this part of me that wishes things could be different. That he could have a normal job that would let him be around for birthdays and holidays, and not gone more than he’s home.”
I hadn’t even thought about what it would be like to raise kids in this lifestyle. She was right; I struggled to imagine a family like that. Not when mine was so close.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pile on you. The kid thing has been on my mind lately.” Sadness flickered in her eyes. “We’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while now.”
On the one hand, I was surprised she’d share something so personal with me, but at the same time it felt like there was a connection forming between us. Maybe it was part of being in this sisterhood of sorts. There was something about this lifestyle—the common experience that so few people shared—that had you forming bonds more quickly than you otherwise would.
“We’ve been trying for the last couple of years and it isn’t happening,” she continued. “I keep telling myself I just need to be calm about it, but it’s hard when I’ve been wanting it so badly for so long.” Her eyes welled up. “I had a miscarriage six months ago, and it’s just been really tough since then.”
“I’m so sorry.” I reached out and squeezed her hand.
“Thanks. It’s just been tough for us. Joker was TDY when I miscarried, and he came home for a bit, but then he had to go to Vegas for Red Flag, and now this TDY to Alaska. Normally I’m fine with him being gone, but I don’t know . . . I think I’m just a mess after losing the baby. And it’s hard to get pregnant when your husband isn’t home.”
“I can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through something like that by yourself.”
“Joker was able to get home the next day, but it was really difficult not having him with me. Thank God for the squadron, though. The wives pitched in until he came home. And Easy took me to the hospital and stayed with me the whole time.”
That surprised me. I must have made a face because her lips twitched.
“You don’t like Easy very much, do you?”
I hesitated. “I don’t dislike him. He’s just not my favorite person. Something about him rubs me the wrong way.”
“I can see that. He comes off like a bit of an *, but I promise, he’s a good guy. He and Joker have been close for a while now and I’ve gotten to know him. He was really amazing to me when I needed him, and he’s been a good friend to Joker. And he does really care about Noah. He’s the kind of guy who you want to have your back.
“This life can be hard, but you’ll learn to make friends who will become like family to you. A lot of times you won’t have a family support network near you, so you’ll find people around you who can be that for you. It isn’t always easy, but it helps. It can be difficult for your family and friends to understand what it’s like, and you’ll need people you can talk to. And seriously, if you ever need a friend to listen or a shoulder to cry on, call me. Noah’s like family and I’m so happy he’s found someone he cares about and who’s good for him. Anything you need, I’m here.”
“I’ll definitely take you up on that.”
She grinned. “Good. We’re having a party at our house tomorrow night. You guys should come over; you can meet more of the wives.”
“I’d like that. A lot.”
We chatted for the rest of the night, watching our men play pool, and as chaotic as everything felt swirling around me, I couldn’t deny the fact that I felt like I was putting down some roots here and finding a place for myself in Noah’s life.
EIGHTEEN
JORDAN
We spent Saturday night at Joker and Dani’s house, hanging out at the barbecue they hosted for the squadron. Judging by the number of people filling their home and spilling out onto the deck and lawn, it looked like all the Wild Aces had come out to party. Kids ran around, playing with toys and shouting. It was a big, chaotic, messy family of people.
I hung out with Dani for the most part, helping her get the food together. Noah got into a discussion about sports and I left him talking with Joker. As the night progressed, the families began to leave and the crowd thinned out a bit, until we were one of the few couples left. I hung off to the side, taking a minute to breathe. It had been an awesome party, but it was one of those nights when I felt like I needed to be “on,” wanting to make a good impression on Noah’s friends.
I watched him talking to Dani and Joker, happy to see he was having a good time. My gaze swept over the crowd, stopping on Easy.
Easy stood at the edge of the group, his arms crossed over his chest, highlighting his impressive torso, a bottle of beer dangling from his fingers. I was surprised to see him on the fringes; he wasn’t the kind of guy you expected to be alone at a party like this. I figured he’d be in the thick of it, entertaining everyone with a joke, his arm around a hot girl.
He lifted the bottle to his lips, taking a long pull, his gaze on something across the room. I turned, my attention already drifting back to Noah, when all of a sudden I saw Easy’s entire body go stiff as though he were bracing for a blow. A flash of pain drifted across his face—a kind of loneliness, longing, sadness, melancholy, all rolled up into one ball of horrible that I couldn’t look away from.